new here and looking for help

I'm new here and need help. I don't know where to start so I'll just jump right in. My fiancee has a porn addiction. The rational side of me knows this has nothing to do with me. Its not because of anything I've done or not doing. But the other part of me is crushed. I do feel like I'm not doing enough. Something must be wrong with me. I found out about this addiction about 1 1/2 years ago. I was devestated. I gave him his key back and apoligized for not being enough. He quickly came back and apoligized. Said he was sorry. That its him, he would stop and he didn't realize it would hurt me. I found out a few months ago that he is still watching porn. Which in all honesty if it were just videos I could ignore it. But its a chat/video site I got to see the women and I read what he says to them, I got to see how often he visits them. Roughly twice a week. (He's more "active" with them then we are!) I feel rejected, stupid, and just plain broken. I feel cheated on. I know he hasn't physically touched these women. But he might as well have. I finally approached him about this. Because I know I can't go through with the marriage if this is going to continue. So this is not just his addiction but OURs. I need to know how to help him. He wiped out his computer to remove all the sites, he wants me to sell it so the temptation is no longer there. But he can access this through his phone. We both know it. I love this man no matter what and I need to help him. He tells me hes sorry and he feels so ashamed, I don't want him to be ashamed, I just need him to stop. I know its proably not going to be easy. Hes had this addiction going on 15 years now. How can I help him? 
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  • @bernijo hello and welcome to the forum. i'm sorry that you are going through this, and your husband too. addiction can put such a stronghold on a person!

    i do believe he wants to get free.... i am not an expert on porn addiction, but i do know the disease of addiction can be tough to break without support...

    is he willing to maybe see a counselor concerning this?  there may even be a support group in your area... sometimes face to face support can be so helpful. and a counselor can address the addiction, and perhaps get to the root of it...and give advice as to how to fight the temptation.

    it's tough for you to "help" in the way that he's got to do the work himself. i suppose your support and ability to "hold space" for him while he tries to break free is helping him.  

    i am sure he loves you... and i can understand you feeling hurt and confused.... 

    we are here to support and encourage you how we can...

    hope this helps!
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