Controlled-No laughing matter

It’s going to be tempting for you to make fun of me while reading this. It’s weird, I’m different. That being said, I hope you don’t. I have dealt with that a lot in my life when revealing this to people and it has caused my sexuality to me a source of shame and embarrassment for me.

Also, this post goes into some detail. If you think it is going to trigger you in anyway, my feelings won’t be hurt if you stop reading.

I am being controlled in a lot of ways by a relatively asexual desire. It’s unusual, but I have a tickling fetish. At the base level it looks like this: I tie my wife down to the bed and tickle her. It’s a thing, I promise. This formed before the rest of my sexuality very early in childhood. I distinctly remember butterflies in my stomach when a villain on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tied April O’Neil up and tickled her bare foot with a feather for information. It was all down hill from there.

The rest of my sexuality developed much slower than I think is normal. Even through high school, making out and such was an excuse to get close enough to girls I was interested in to tickle them. My fantasies revolves around this and only this. It wasn’t long after the internet arrived in our home that I found fetish sites revolving around tickling and frequented them when my parents weren’t looking.

In college, I made up asexual excuses to tickle girls. I was writing a report, I was creating a gag website..the list went on. I joined the BDSM community in early adulthood and went to play parties etc tying up and tickling anyone I could talk into it. I have paid for pro dommes and escorts with no sexual intent beyond tickling them or being tickled myself. I have scoured craigslist for anyone to tickle or be tickled by, I am a straight male, but this fetish has driven me to actively seek out men and women both for this one sole activity.

Flash forward, I am married. I am desperately in love with my wife, truly I am. She indulges my fetish once in a while and I am truly grateful for it. For some reason though, my fetish has escalated to include elements of cuckolding. My wife was in Chicago at a business conference and one night this fantasy just popped into my head that she was hanging out in her hotel room with some other people from the conference and it came up that she was ticklish and shortly there after, two men from the group pinned her to the bed and started relentlessly tickling her all over. She was begging and pleading and laughing hysterically as they tickled her from under her arms to the soles of her feet.

This fantasy triggered a whole mess of other fantasies about my wife being tickled by others. Everything from her being kidnapped and tickled to her being gang-tickled by clowns in one of those haunted houses where they can touch you. She’s not really ok with other men touching her, that’s totally understandable, but I can’t shake it. I try to concentrate at work and if my mind isn’t actively engaged it drifts to this. I’m not sure if what I can do to stop it. I have written fiction and it helps a I can’t help but feel like maybe some other creative outlet might be the answer. I don’t really want to “cure” my fetish, I just want more control over it than it has over me.

Ideas for what I can do to help myself are welcome. It took a lot for me to share this. I appreciate you reading.
  • 4 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @Nawashi hello there! welcome and thanks for sharing.

    i don't know a whole lot about fetishes, so i really don't have valuable advice here... have you seen a counselor for this? i think a professional who has experience treating fetishes could be helpful.

    reading up on it online may help... there may be some sites that have some tips for gaining better control... but, from my experience, if something continues to be a distress to myself, seeing someone trained in counseling can be so helpful.

    hope this helps!
  • @Nawashi... I never laugh at anybody's problems. But like Dominica, I suggest researching this issue online, because I don't have any advice to offer, either. I think talking to a therapist about it would be a good idea, too.
  • Well, thank you both. I have considered therapy and been in therapy previously for unrelated matters. At this point in my life therapy financially isn’t an option but maybe someday it will be again.
  • @Nawashi... I found this article on the Psychology Today website. Maybe it might help you.
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