Dealing with stress in school

This year is a really difficult one for me. I am ready to make the best out of it, but I am stressed honestly. I just am so scared because I have big expectations, and usually these ones get me dissappointed in the end. I have a lot of exams coming and I feel like I won't be able to deal with them. I have good grades in school and everybody thinks I can't stress, but I am terrified. Everyone has big expectations from me, because I should know everything if I am the smart one with good grades. But I feel like I don't deserve this. There are a lot of students who work so much more than me and deserve my grades because I don't. I only cry, stress, and then I am lucky I guess. But I hate it and even if I would have lower grades I would hate it as well. I hope I'm going to deal with all of this, and I don't really expect advice. I just want some motivations and support. Thanks for reading all of this.
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  • @brokenwings hey there. thanks for sharing.... it can be stressful to be in school.... and to feel like others expect you to be so good.... this is a great chance for you to begin to learn how to take care of YOU.... and focus less on what others want or expect.... it's a lesson that will help you throughout life...

    you are doing a great job. i'm sure you are trying your best... so take a deep breath and give yourself a big hug for that. maybe looking at your past and seeing how you made it through everything (past exams... past stress... past stuff)... might help you stress less.

    also, maybe start thinking of stress relief. what can you do to blow off steam? there are many things to try. deep breathing, meditation, yoga, nature, exercise, talking to someone (maybe a school counselor?).... find out what helps you relax some...and take your mind off trying to be perfect and please everyone else for a bit :)

    you're doing great... and maybe your mind is thinking the worst things... but in reality... those "worst things" won't happen. some call that the monkey mind... the mind that keeps spinning with alarming thoughts.... begin to be an observer of those thoughts... rather than letting them reach your emotions... say, "oh, hey fear. hey panic. hey "i have to be perfect" thought.... thanks for stopping by... but it's time to go now. i'm gonna relax... do what i know to do... do my best... and leave the rest...."

    anyway, just a thought.

    we are here. come blow off some steam here. we don't expect anything from you and well, we like you no matter what :) just be YOU.
  • @brokenwings... I'm so sorry you're feeling stressed. Dominica has given you some great advice and suggestions. I echo everything she said, especially about talking to someone like a school counselor or therapist. Talking things out can make a huge difference when it comes to stress.

    Also, I would urge you to concentrate on your own expectations of yourself, and not those that other people have. YOU are the one who knows you best. Don't let other people add to your stress by setting expectations you feel obligated to live up to. That's not how life should work. You should set your own goals and expectations. Period.

    I'm sending you tons of positive mojo and big hugs. I wish you the best of luck on your exams, too. Remember: YOU are the only person you have to please.

    Feel free to come and post here whenever you feel the need. We're here for you!
  • @brokenwings, howdy. There is some good advice so far, even though you said you didn't want any (too bad!). I will see if I can add to the unsolicited advice.

    Your story is familiar to me. Not to brag, but all through High School I got almost straight As, never cracked a book, never had to study. I went to the state finals for geography and laughed the whole way because I didn't work for any of it, I just got the answers correct. I struggled with math, and usually got an A- or a B, the one blemish on an otherwise perfect report card. I got done with High School with a 5.2 GPA, in one of the most difficult academic programs in the world.

    Then, college. I thought I was brilliant. I thought I was going to skate through it like I did with everything prior. But, I studied engineering, and since I wasn't good at math, and never developed study skills, I faltered. I spent 5 years getting my teeth kicked in, had to repeat 2 classes, and squeaked by with a 2.9 GPA, but that covers over the fact that for one of my classes a 47% earned me a C- grade, and most other classes had an equally laughable curve with regards to the level of knowledge expected.

    So what's my point?
    1. Be very careful. My college failures laid the foundation for my alcoholism. My expectations for myself, and failure to meet them, put me in a mental situation where I thought I couldn't handle it, and started down the Dark Path.
    2. I got through it. As bad as it was, I still survived. Granted, my GPA was what it was, and not a day goes by that I don't regret it due that number closing some opportunities for me, but I am still happy and productive in a career that I love. What's one more regret anyways?
    3. Even though I was disintegrating academically, no one thought less of me. My parents and friends all knew I was struggling, and they tried to help as best they could. They never said, "You need to do better", or, "We expected more from you".
    4. In the end, it was my shortcomings and assumptions that put me in those bad spots. I look back at my college years and see all kinds of lost opportunity, but I also feel I did the best I could under the circumstances. I'd tell myself, "I can read this f--king book for 3 minutes or 3 hours and it won't make any more sense, and the tutors and TAs can't explain anything, so I give up". And I'd fail the homework and the quiz, but it was the best I could do. Looking back, I assumed I would never understand, but should have pursued other options till I found something that worked. If you are concerned, or want a little extra assurance that you know the material, seek out other opportunities to test your knowledge.
    5. The final point is, as was said above, you only have to make YOU happy. If you work hard, and do your best, then be happy with it. One B isn't going to keep you from accomplishing your goals. And thinking that one screw up is going to ruin everything will just lead to multiple screw ups.

    Ok, essay done. Keep the faith!
  • @Leaker some excellent insight and advice!

    @brokenwings i hope you are doing alright!!
  • @brokenwings... Happy Thursday to you. I hope things are at least a little bit calmer for you. Remember to practice self-care. You deserve it!
  • And on the 9th day, or something, the Lord said-eth unto Adam, "Bro, cheer up. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are awesome. In fact, you are the most awesome guy I know-eth!" But Adam was unconvinced, and merely "hmmphed" the Lord, turned away, and went to sleep. "Well, if you are going to be-eth that way", said the Lord, "I've got an idea on how to make sure you are constantly reminded of your shortcomings and never able to forget even the smallest mistake!" And so, while Adam was sleeping-eth, the Lord remove-ethed a rib and...

    How's that for preaching @DeanD? o:)
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