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An Open Letter to Active Addicts
AN OPEN LETTER TO ACTIVE ADDICTS
You happen to be in the presence of one of the luckiest people in the world right now. No, no, no, stop looking around the room, you won’t find them that way.
Take a minute and walk into the bathroom, and up to the mirror; hurry they are waiting for you.
Take a look into that mirror and say hello. You my friend, yes you reading this, are by far one lucky son of a bitch.
You are playing the deadly game of Russian Roulette every single day. I bet it’s a safe bet to say you are actually playing multiple times a day. Everytime you crush up a pill, stick a needle in your arm, or light one up, it’s just like you’re holding a loaded revolver to your head.
You can feel the cold steel from the barrel as it presses against your temple; you can feel your heartbeat pulsing against the barrel of that gun; you know you could die if you pull that trigger, but you pull it anyway. Feeling the rush flood your body as the hammer of the gun clicks into an empty chamber.
Each and every time you snort, shoot, or smoke you are pulling that trigger. When the rush from that last game of Russian Roulette, “that last hit,” wears off, you find yourself picking up that gun again, slamming it against your temple, and pulling the trigger all over again.
Oh wait a minute, this isn’t you? I’m writing this to the wrong person? You’ve got this all figured out right? You would never become a drug addict, you are just doing it for fun…. right?
You’re different. You are not like all the other druggies, and junkies out there. I am betting that you probably have used some if not all of the following reasons why you are different, and truly think you won’t become an addict.
“It’s not gonna happen to you”
“You love your kids too much”
“You only use after work, or on the weekends”
“You’ve learned from the mistakes of friends, you’re too smart now”
“You don’t have any connections to even get the drugs”
“You can’t afford it enough for it to ever become a problem”
But my friend, there is one huge problem. You’re playing Russian Roulette with a revolver; a revolver that only has six chambers. You may beat the odds the first few times, but eventually you’re going to pick up that heavy chunk of steel, hands sweating, heart pounding, and lift it to your temple like every other time.. But this time is going to feel different.
You feel the cold barrell against your head, your heart is pounding so hard it’s literally pushing the barrel away from your skull each time it beats. “It’s just from the last hit,” you tell yourself. “You’re just still wound up.” You’ve done this a thousand times, you’re a professional, you’ve beat this thing, it’s time for another hit man, and it’s loaded up and ready to go!
Your whole body tenses up as your mind instructs the muscle to pull. You feel the tenseness traveling through your body; to your shoulders, to your elbow. Your hand is sweating a hell of a lot more than usual. “It’s nothing, focus.”
Your muscles below the elbow begin to contract; your grip on the handle tightens; for a split second you have an epiphany.
“This is my last hit. I’m done living this life. I want my family back. I want to see my kids before they grow up, I wanna play Santa Claus on Christmas. I want to be there for their games, and school plays. I want to be the parent they deserve, they didn’t sign up for this life. My children have only suffered because of my choices. Tomorrow I am going to get help, tomorrow I am walking into detox, and then rehab. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.”
You feel a sense of relief come over your body, as you just made the decision to finally stop this craziness. You honestly are going to be finished, you can feel it inside this time. You’re going to start over. You have a whole life to live.
You’re epiphany is interrupted by that hit that’s in front of you. The voices in your head are screaming by now. “Do it! Take it! It will make everything better!” Your hand tenses up, as your finger wraps around the trigger.
For one last second a smile forms across your face, as you picture yourself being there for your daughter’s wedding, and having your father daughter dance with her; the one dream that addiction was never able to steal from you.
Your hearfelt thoughts of your daughter are quickly interrupted by the hit you prepared. The drug is screaming at you at this point, as it floods your mind, pushing out all other thoughts and memories.
Your universe at this point in time consists of you and that drug, nothing else matters, nothing else exists. Excitement begins to spread through your body as you prepare to take your hit.
Your finger, wet with sweat, slowly squeezes the trigger for the very last time.
It’s all over, you’ve played with the odds one too many times, and in the real world the house always wins. Nobody can beat the odds forever. Your own mind did everything it could to convince you otherwise, and look where you are now.
You no longer exist; your life is over. Your children will mourn you for awhile, but eventually you will be replaced by a real mom or dad that is actually there for them, and shows them what it’s like to be loved more than a drug.
Another man is going to dance with your daughter, and walk her down the aisle; you probably will not even be a thought in her mind by then. Everything is finished, there are no more chances. Death is final, and it came for you way to soon.
All for that little drug. That little thing that started off as your best friend. It knew all along what it was doing to you, but all you could see were the good times. You told yourself that you had it under control, you only took it on the weekends, and you always made sure to take breaks in between.
Then one day you realized that taking it in the morning got you going better than any coffee could. So you started taking a hit every morning as soon as you got out of bed. Eventually the lunch time fix entered your life, and before you knew it you were staring down years of daily abuse.
Unfortunately we are our own worst enemies; we lie to ourselves. We come up with reasons that what we are doing is ok, and that it’s going to be different for us. We won’t become that statistic; we won’t embarrass our families by overdosing, forcing them to tell people “their child is a drug addict.”
The truth is you probably already have shamed your family, you’ve destroyed your parents that tried to give you the world. Your entire life and existence will only be remembered for a short time, and those memories will be riddled with drugs.
Nobody will know that you were the captain of the football team, or that you were the valedictorian, or truly loved your children. You slowly transformed into a drug addict; you lied, you ripped off your own mother, you stole from your children, and put a dirty rotten drug before them. You blew your young kids off, leaving them heartbroken, and wondering what they did wrong to make daddy not love them anymore.
All because you NEEDED that fix before you could spend time with them.
Your life has become a never ending cycle of pain, abuse, anger, and self deceit. The cycle only ends one of two ways. You either decide enough is enough and do everything in your power to quit, or you die.
There are no 50, 60, or 70 year old drug addicts. People don’t retire drug addicts. It’s the same story every time. It always ends with you holding that gun (your drug of choice), a loaded gun pointing at your head, just waiting for it’s moment. My friend if you don’t stop that time WILL come, and sadly a hell of a lot sooner than you ever imagined.
When you lose the battle against addiction, that’s it! You’re over, finished! You don’t get to wake up and start all over again. When you’re gone you are gone for good. There is no coming back!
We are all put here for a very short period of time, and all strive to make our mark on the world before our time is up. Don’t let it win! You deserve so many more years than your drug of choice will let you have.
Addiction does not end on its own. You need to put your foot down; you need to be sick and tired of being sick and tired; you need to want your life back at all costs. Right now, this very moment you need to shout ENOUGH! It doesn’t matter where you are right now, or how bad things have gotten.
Today is your rock bottom!!
You are one decision away from turning everything around; today is the worst your life ever has to get. There is only one way to go from rock bottom and that is up. You need to make the decision to do anything and everything that you may have to do to win. You may need to quit your job, and go to rehab for 6 months, but just remember if you don’t then you will lose the job anyways the day addiction wins.
You may need to move away from loved ones for a year or more, but remember if you don’t then you are going to lose them all anyways the day addiction wins.
You may be afraid of having your children taken away if you admit to being an addict, but you are going to lose them forever the day addiction wins.
In the grand scheme of life, anything you have to do to beat this addiction, any amount of time that is required will be nothing but a blink of an eye. Your children, family, and loved ones would gladly let you go for 6 months or more knowing that the old you will be the one that comes back. You need to make the single decision to do everything you need to do, you need to stop today. Addiction does not promise you a tomorrow.
Things will get worse before they get better. You will have to face the pain of withdrawals, you will have to face the relentless voices in your mind. You will realize the people you used with are not true friends, and the only thing you had in common was the use of drugs. You are being reborn in recovery.
After you get through the brief period when things do get a little worse, after your body punishes you for the years of drug abuse, after the cravings go away; and honest to God they really do, then the life you deserve will begin to form.
People that have turned their backs on you will come back, loved ones will trust you again, you will get a job, and a career again. You will be able to see your children again. Everything you feared losing because of addiction will come back to you. Do not let addiction win, do not let addiction steal your life from you anymore.
You are one single decision away from becoming a recovering addict. One decision away from stealing your life back; a life of happiness, emotion, feelings, and love. Make that decision right this very moment that you are done! Call someone, tell someone, get in your car and drive away from your life of addiction if necessary.
You never have to use drugs again, the difference between you and me, is I made the decision and won. You are one moment away from being free.
Remember nobody can beat the odds forever, playing russian roulette with your life will result in you being taken years before your time.
Pull that gun away from your head, and smash it to the ground. Drag yourself out of this hell that you currently call life. It is not too late for you, you can be saved. People worse than you have done it; people that have done worse than you, and use more than you have done it!
It doesn’t take years to beat this, and have the life you dreamed. It takes just one simple decision, the decision to be done with drugs, and the life it has created for you. Make that decision right now; the life you were meant to live is waiting for you. A life full of happiness is just one decision away.
Ask yourself, if not today then when? The things you fear must be faced. Tomorrow is never promised. Remember the house always wins, if you keep playing with your life you eventually will lose. Don’t let your life be remembered this way.
You are not your addiction, your legacy does not have to be defined by what you are doing now. You are more than this, you are better than this, you can beat this!
Today can be the first day of your recovery. 6 months from now you can have 6 months of sobriety behind you. You truly are one decision away from the life you deserve. Please make that decision this very moment, you truly are not promised tomorrow.
Your life is waiting for you, what’s your move?
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