On the verge of insanity

Hello everyone,
My wife and I have been happily married for almost three years. The one snag in our relationship is my addiction to pornography. I have been an addict since I was a teenager and have gone through good and bad stretches with it. I have been up front and aware of my problem but we all know that does very little to ease the pain. I have been to couples counseling, one on one counseling, and now I am willing to try a Sex Addict Anonymous meeting. I am desperate for help but I am so angry at myself and hopeless. Lately, I have gone 1-2 months before each relapse and on my most recent, my wife stormed out of the house and is unresponsive. I’m normally a great husband she says and I can’t stop hating myself for something I am battling so hard to control. I hope this isn’t it for us and I hope she comes home soon. Any advice?

Thanks
  • 3 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • Hey @Kent3987
    First, good for you for recognizing your problem and knowing that you need to try to do something about it. Most people are still suffering silently, many unwilling to recognize the negative role pornography is playing in their life.
    You share very little here, so it's hard to know exactly what's going on, but if I were you, I would focus on getting the tools to battle the addiction. If your wife leaves you, that's her decision. Hopefully she doesn't, but you should focus on getting yourself to a place where if you were in this position again in 5 years, the next wife doesn't leave you.
    Unfortunately, for people like you and I, there is no universal reason why we ended up this way, nor a universal solution. In my experience, a combination of factors led us here and it takes a combination of healing, understanding the past and tools to move forward to pull out of it.
    The fact you're able to go 1-2 months in between relapses is huge. You're already doing better than so many people out there.
    You mentioning counseling but didn't say how it went. A 12-step meeting works for many people and trying the program could certainly be a big part of your long-term recovery plan.
    Most of us who are porn addicts have had some kind of trauma when we were young. This is often around the time the seeds of addiction were planted. As we age, other things that happen help to nurture that seed. Were you able to get to the roots of the problems? Addiction is a symptom of and coping mechanism for larger issues. Do you understand what those issues are? If you can come to face those often difficult truths, it will help moving forward.
    I run a website called www.RecoveringPornAddict.com If you check out the resources page, you'll find some things that may help, and you can simply join the conversation about recovery. The wife thing is a big deal, but you really need to work on yourself right now.
    And please, continue to write and update us. Getting what's in your head out onto paper (or a computer screen) can only help.
  • @Kent3987... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing with us. I'm sorry that you're struggling with an addiction to porn, but I'm glad you found us and reached out.

    @JoshuaShea has already given you some excellent insight and advice. He knows what he's talking about, so definitely pay attention to what he is saying. Also know that we are here to help and support you however we can, so you are not alone.

    I'm sending you lots of positive energy, hope, and encouragement. Try not to be so hard on yourself, okay? You're a human being, and we all have our faults. The important thing is that you're working at controlling this addiction.

  • @Kent3987 hello and welcome! thanks for reaching out. Joshua has given some great insight and advice... i think recovery is progressive...as well as emotional healing... one bout of counseling is great, but at different times in life, another bout may be necessary... like peeling an onion, we have layers and layers of "stuff" to work through. be willing to dig deeeeep and understand it's about progress; not perfection.

    continue to do your research and do check out joshua's links.

    we are here to listen and give feedback anytime!
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