Wife Betrayed for 10 years.

I’m new here, reaching out for support and advice. I’ve recently found out my husband has been hiding that he struggles with having a fetish with huge breasts’(which I don’t have) which ultimately leads to porn watching.
Here’s a short back story.
We married when I was just 16 years old. I grew up very naive and not knowing a lot about sexuality and especially what a man deals with on a daily basis. Early on into when we were dating he made it clear he didn’t need porn anymore now that he had me. I believed him, though as I grew older and more exposed to worldly things I always questioned it. We would talk every so often and he always assured me, he never desires porn or struggle. He has always been so respectful and believable. What kind of man stares at the ground when he walks and keeps a distance from women for the slight chance he will see a women with huge breasts? This went on for 10 years and I honestly still have a hard time wrapping my head around this. But a few days I discovered something questionable on his phone and brought it to his attention. He could have easily fooled me but instead told me he has a fetish with huge breasts’. He wishes he could change this and hated this problem he has and curbs the desire for a while but then gives in to porn to get it out of his head. He tells me it has nothing to do with the women, or sex, we have a great sex life, he just desires to see huge breasts’. When I was pregnant with our 3rd child my breast became huge and he was satisfied and loved it, but it didn’t last long they went back to their normal small saggy size. I’m hurt, shocked, and confused. He tells me how beautiful I am and everything about me is spot on, I just don’t satisfy that deepest desire. Is it crazy that I am willing and wanting to get a breast augmentation? Should he just be happy with the way I am? I am so confused. Is this something he should constantly fight and work on or is wrong that I want to give him what he wants?
I always told myself I would never put up with this in my relationship and here I am wanting to fight and figure this out. I just want to give him it all. He tells me this wouldn’t be a problem if I had huge boobs but then always tells me I don’t have to do that and he will stop this and curb it more, but let’s me know this desire will always be there.
Any thoughts or advice?
  • 1 Commentby Likes|Date
  • @Sheswitchy If you're ever going to get implants, do it for you, not anybody else because I guarantee you that you'll find after a little while, he's back on the porn interested in other large breasts. Your lack of size is just a convenient excuse for deeper issues he probably doesn't realize he has.
    As somebody who was a porn addict, I can tell you, this has nothing to do with you. He was into porn before he met you and probably was addicted at that point. Just because he's boiled it down to a specific fetish doesn't mean he's not still addicted.
    Who knows why certain things turn certain people on, but that's not really the question here. The bigger question is why he has this addiction and that's the kind of thing that needs to be dealt with by a professional.
    He does love you and loves your marriage. He could have divorced you long ago and turned his life into one giant Russ Meyers film, but he hasn't. He's also been as honest as he can be about his issue. Consider yourself lucky there. And while I don't know your specific situation and can't say for sure, this sounds like a more mild addiction than many that I have first-hand knowledge of. I'm sure it's degrading and depressing for you, but I think you two have a much better chance than many.
    See if he's open to talking to a professional, or even going to a group counseling session with you. Find a professional who has some experience in porn/sex addiction and will take it seriously. I know there are many who will say "it's no big deal" and move onto other things. But it clearly a big deal and needs to be dealt with.
    Good luck. I hope you'll let us know what happens.
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