What's right and wrong when asking an addict if they're using.

How do you ask someone who's rehabilitating if they're using again? You feel the red flags, don't want to believe it. Afraid to ask because it's a sore subject, and they lash out at the one asking. As a loved one, you have a right to know if you're living with the drug in the home right? Maybe worded wrong, but how do you ask when you have that red flag feeling? Are you in the wrong for asking?
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  • Hi @asherrae135 the thing with asking an Addict if they relapsed is they might lie and say no (as is common) or they may be telling the truth when they say no, yet you have seen signs so will you even believe them? I’m not sure your relationship or past history with this person but the existing dynamics of your relationship and experience with their addiction will possibly give a different response than if your story were different.
    Also, no one likes to be accused and being asked if you are using again often feels like an attack especially if they haven’t been.
  • @asherrae135 good question. i suppose it would depend on the situation.... it's true that some will lie when asked.... others get angry... if you see red flags, simply state that you see red flags... that you're concerned and wondering. and rather than conjure up all sorts of things in your mind, you want to know the truth. then, accept what he/she says. (even if they may be lying)

    again, though, it's not usually this simply...and will vary. feel free to share more about the situation if you want...
  • we javehave been together for 3 years and ive seen him twice now detox from it. and we agreed open communication this time. but recently just started getting mad at me for a small comment, which usually we would laugh it off. and maybe im being paranoid. but also he had asked for money to pay a friend for work . but who meets up at 11pm (after asking me when to have them come at 9pm) and before telling me it was for something else. i felt i should ask.
  • @asherrae135 I've learned over the past 5 years to trust my gut. I know the signs and never want to believe they have returned. I've tried to rationalize the lies to cover what I knew was the truth, but in the end I was always right.
  • @asherrae135 i see... sometimes going with the gut is good... esp when you know the person quite well. i hope it's nothing and just a normal bump in a relationship.... one that you can get over quickly!

    i tend to be an optimist... pay attention, but not too much attention or you'll drive yourself crazy :)
  • @asherrae135 this could be something or maybe not. As said above, often our intuition is correct so don’t ignore it but at the same time maybe try giving him the benefit of the doubt. Watch his behaviour over the next little while but don’t question him a bunch over small things as it likely won’t go over well (regardless if he’s using again or not).
    Maybe there’s something bothering him and his getting mad at you was related to that... some men don’t like to discuss when things are going on with them as they are problem solvers. Just try to be a support and if he seems moody simply ask if there’s anything you can do for him. If he says no then let it go and tell him you will be there if he needs anything. Whether he is using again or not, supporting him without accusations of relapse could possibly be way to have him open up about whatever is going on.

    Hoping it’s nothing but we are here for you either way.
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