Self Will Has Taken Over

This is my first post. I joined yesterday.

I cannot remember the last time I went more than 48 hours without a drink, and the cycle continues. I get home from work, binge until I'm not quite cross-eyed and still hold a coherent conversation with my wife. That's what a good day is like. A bad day sends me to bed about 7 pm and I wake up the next morning. I make it in to work on time and feel an enormous amount of guilt and shame for the rest of the day. About 5 pm the day starts over, like the movie, "Groundhog Day"

This morning on my way in, I saw a little boy fall of his bike into the dirt. I drove on. I drove by Chuck, my homeless friend, and waved. I didn't bring him anything to eat, like I always say I'm going to do.

Where did my compassion go? How can I be so selfish? Something has to change. God help me.
  • 3 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @gustavo So aside from the fact it's an endless loop, why do you drink?
  • @gustavo hey there! welcome! so glad you're here and by being here, you've taken your first step toward some real change. awesome!

    joshua asks a good question... why do you drink? you like the way it makes you feel or maybe the way it makes you NOT feel? great to start a journey toward some pretty big realizations, insights, etc. that can help you defeat this alcohol monster.

    this forum is full of great threads with various people on both sides of "over-drinking". take time each day to read around.... get interested in the workings of addiction... and the paths toward recovery, b/c there are various paths. so your task is to find what path suits you... works for you, and WALK it. some people get tripped up on the actual ACTION part... it takes work. effort. time. and it's not easy much of the time, BUT..... freedom can come, i assure you.

    think of this as an opportunity to learn some valuable life lessons....about yourself, others, life, etc.

    others here are in the same boat... trying to abstain (and abstaining) b/c the reality is that alcohol sucks. yeah, maybe it gives a buzz or makes us not feel the freakin' angst going on deep in the soul... but it leads one into a dark abyss where things like shame, guilt, anger, fear swirl around making one cray-cray.

    so, yeah, looking at the booze eye to red-eye....and seeing it for the poison it is and calling it out as foe is a great start.....

    glad you're here. come on board and know that you've got a boat load of people who got your back.... and believe in you.
  • @gustavo... Welcome to the community and thanks for being open and honest with us. I'm sorry that you're struggling with alcohol, but I'm glad you found us and reached out. That's a big first step, so kudos to you for taking it.

    Addiction is a very selfish disease, which is, I think, why so many addicts lack compassion. Getting drunk or high eventually becomes the only thing that matters to a lot of people. Hence, the "Groundhog Day" scenario you describe.

    If you're ready to make a change in your life, I know you can do it. Will it be easy? Nope. Will it be worth it? Absolutely! But you have to commit to the change and be willing to work hard to achieve that goal.

    I, too, am curious to know exactly why you drink? Do you know? Also, how does your wife feel about your drinking? Does she drink, too? Just curious.

    Maybe consider checking out an AA meeting near you, my friend. I think it would be a good starting point, so you could be around people who are struggling/have struggled like you. There's a lot of comfort to be found when you're among a group of people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling. You may also want to consult an addiction specialist. They can assess your situation and recommend the best next steps for you.

    We're here for you. We will support you and help you any way we can. We will also listen, without judgment, if you want to get things off your chest. So don't hesitate to come back whenever you feel like it. We will be your tribe.
Sign In or Register to comment.