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    DanishimaBupeDanishimaBupe

    I need help please someone inspire me with encouraging words

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    Posted in Motivation and InspirationVote Up0Vote Down
    Hello guys,

    I am so sorry to ask for this on my first post.
    I recently joined two forums, so as to see if it would help me. This one recovery.org. and another one.

    My lack of choosing words correctly led me to ppl misunderstanding that I was there to call some1 a liar instead of telling her that I believed her.
    I am really cautious about being in a new group.... forums is something new to me. So when some1 was asking advice I tried my best to give her information. But I did not know if taking sides was permitted... like if I talk about doctors... I was not sure if I should say they were bad, good or neutral. I just chose neutral. And it gave the wrong impression that I was siding with them and calling the Original poster a liar. I mean why would I do that? We are here seeking for help. That emotionally shocked me...... I am about to relapse..... but I really wouldn t want to..... i feel ashamed but tears are coming down my eyes as I am writting this, and I am a 34 years old male (i opened myself too much, I shouldn't have, I learnt to trust nobody long time ago, and I did not why I trusted a place where I was new, I was eager to come back to that post that I thought I could contribute and get help)........ even moderators accused of banning me.... cause I did not follow up in 5 days. What started as a misunderstanding ended up in me being a person that likes to call ppl liars and not let them express themselves. Even the one moderator that first sided with me, couple of days later was warning me that I was almost banned. And all because I did not respond in a timely fashion that I could have easily clarified.

    I do not understand how a person that says this:
    "You guys, I'm not trying to make excuses, but if you read danishimi's thread about stigma you will read that English is his third language and I'm pretty sure he's new to posting too. I really think he has good intentions. I don't think he was trying to criticize you at all, but was just looking for a way to show off his knowledge and enter a conversation."

    ends up in this

    "Danishimi!! It is not your place to imply that one of our members is lying! (user) is allowed to share her experience here without being doubted or undermined!
    Consider this a warning, Danishimi. You are a very new member and we won't have you demeaning a member like (user) who has been here for over 5 years. [...]Or you could find yourself banned!"

    And i have no posts during those days... I was not able to even check. like they just rolled the post and me clearly see the chain of people taking the previous poster as the truth... and adding more assumptions.
    Is seeking help from forum post really not for me? Am I not expressing myself correctly?
    Vote Up0Vote Down
    • 4 Commentsby Likes|Date
    • Vote Up0Vote Down
      DanishimaBupeDanishimaBupe
      if you guys want i can repost what I said.... (ofc with all names erased) but I was giving my information for a person that stated that generics was not working for her... so I really did my best.... the post took me 2 hours... and I guess not bad mouthing the system is what got me in trouble?
    • Vote Up2Vote Down
      blueorchidblueorchid
      Hi @DanishimaBupe sorry you had a bad experience in the other forum. As I’m sure you have noticed, this group of people are quite amazing! It can be difficult to know what someone means and words can be misconstrued, however usually one can see a bit about what is meant if enough is written. I have seen some of your responses on here so I believe you are coming from a place of wanting to share your own knowledge and experiences and not meaning harm, plus I know here in Canada most extended health plans only cover the cost of generic brands and as the chemical composition is required by law to be the same (from my understanding where that is an explanation given to me by many different pharmacists) I would say your response would be correct... I can see though that maybe the way you worded your response may have been misinterpreted, and I personally think your English is just fine, it sounds like you were treated a bit unfairly... although I don’t know as I haven’t seen the posts.
      I personally stopped attending NA chat room because I was attacked by one of the members and although some people told me to stay and sided with me, it hurt to be singled out and made me also feel like I wanted to relapse.
      I hope you were able to abstain and are still in recovery! How are you? Happy Independence Day! :smile:
    • Vote Up0Vote Down
      DeanDDeanD
      @DanishimaBupe... We're glad you're here.

      @blueorchid... Thanks for sharing your insight!

      Hope you both have a FABULOUS day!
    • Vote Up1Vote Down
      DanishimaBupeDanishimaBupe
      @blueorchid yes it was all a misunderstanding in the end. And thankfully my clarification post did go through, and everyone understood. Since then, I changed my wording, or more like I stopped being cautious about sharing my thoughts out of fear of being hurt.

      Words with no opinion ends up being misinterpreted as "schooling", so in the end insights and opinions are needed to back them up and not so open for interpretation.

      Also the moderator's intention was not so much of trying to punish me, but more of reassuring the person that felt uncomfortable. It was an eye opener experience for me, and helped me share from my heart more from what I used to w/o the fear of being hurt.

      I keep posting on the other forum, and I think members got to know me better. And yes, I did not relapse, I was able to abstain. Thank you so much for sharing and your concerns <3

      @DeanD thank you for the welcome. And as usual it is nice to see your greeting comments :D
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