Really Need Some Support Right Now Please

This afternoon my husband called me about 20 min before I was supposed to leave work. I missed his call cause I was busy. He immediately sent a text saying "HELLO" right after hanging up. I called him back about two minutes later. He started asking me why in the world would I go to the lake with all "our" friends and say this that and the other.... I told him I did not say a few things he mentioned and then told him what I actually said that was incorrect. Ya'll remember "Bob" from my previous posts in Codependency.... well his new gf was with us as well. So apparently she told "Bob" what I said about my husband telling me a while back that "Bob" was still using and he had tried to get them to go get help together.... IDK.... I stopped him and told him that I was trying to finish up stuff at work and we could discuss that when I get off work. He said "I just don't get it how can everything be ok on Wed and Thurs then Fri you don't wanna be with me no more??" Again, I told him we could talk when i left work.
He hung up on me.

Before I left the parking lot at work I sent my husband a long text basically saying that he acts like it was all of a sudden that I didn't want him there. That he acts like everyone always points the finger at him for "no reason" and that HE IS THE REASON we are no longer together. His choices and his vicious circle of pills and lies is the reason and there is NO OTHER REASON. Explained that the first time months ago that I called him out on being on something yet again I told him then I would not do it again.. and yet I still hung in there and tried everything possible to hang on. I've given chance after chance our whole marriage. I've been lied to straight to my face, Ive heard all that he has said about me months ago in an effort to start covering his tracks and that I AM DONE!! I'm done letting him play on my emotions and I am DONE with rescuing him. I told him he needs to follow through with help. That he needs to get the rest of his stuff and I'm done with the back and forth and all of his outbursts.

He immediately called me. I rejected 4 calls. Then, I answered. He started in on the "you don't answer my calls and texts anymore" etc.... I told him that if I don't answer his texts immediately he calls, if I don't answer his calls he texts .... that if I don't answer it's because I'M BUSY AT WORK!!! I always call back or respond. He started in on several other things and the phone call ended with him saying he wants me to die. He tried to call back and I sent him a msg that i was done talking to him, that when he ended the conversation with hoping I died that is where the line is drawn. He text back that If he can't have me that nobody else EVER will have me and that "whatever links I have to go to to prove that" he will do. Followed by many many more hateful and threatening texts. He said he was in my area and was coming to get his stuff so I need to come on and face the music.

I tried to call my neighbor to ask him to keep an eye out but he didn't answer. He called back and said he was at the gas station talking to my husband, I asked if he knew it was me and he said "yes". Told him I'd talk to him later and he changed ended the conversation with something totally random. He called back again and said he saw my husband sitting at the gas station so he stopped to talk to him but wished he hadn't because he was very angry and was yelling and full of anger the whole time. My husband text that "neighbor" can't help you. My neighbor said to call the cops if I needed. I had already called my parents and let them know.

Surely enough he was still at the gas station watching for me to pass. He spun out and followed me to my house. When we pulled in my parents both walked out and he got out of his truck and immediately pointed his finger at me and said "you have NO idea what you have just started" My mom asked if she needed to call the cops and he looked at her and told her to call them. She walked in and I told her not to call the cops and told him to just get his stuff and go. He refused to go in the house and stayed outside throwing stuff around the back of his truck and cussing me, calling me names, and kept saying "you wanna play dirty?? I can play dirty. You'll see. You have no idea what you've started" Pointed at my car and told me to "lock it up real tight cause it's on now" He ended up saying he didn't want anything for me to throw it all away. He said he hates me and hopes to God that I die. Kept pointing at me and saying "it's on now"

He got in his truck and sped out of the driveway then spun out the whole way down the street. My poor parents were shocked to see that. My dad came over shortly after and talked me in to calling the cops to at least document this so I did. The cop got here and I gave a brief history and he asked to see the messages. I let him read as much as he wanted. He told me I can press charges and I told him that at this point I don't want to, just wanted this documented in case it does escalate. He told me to call them back if he shows back up, every single time he shows back up, and that when he comes to get his items to call them so they can escort him in and out. And told me to PLEASE go get a restraining order in the morning. That my husband is angry and may just calm down but it's best to be safe especially after all the messages and him showing up and acting like that.

I'm super paranoid tonight.... I keep looking out the doors and windows. My mom offered to stay over tonight and my neighbors have offered for me to stay there but I don't feel like I should uproot b/c of his issues. And, I'm not gonna leave my furbaby here..... honestly my husband can take whatever he wants out of this house but I am so scared he will try to take my pup out of spite.

I'm sitting here typing this and have seen the same car ride by 3 times now, about to get up and keep an eye on that. I do plan on following through with the restraining order. Even his sister said I need to. She said the same as I did, that she has seen him mad and crazy but this is a whole new level and she has never seen him like this.

Ya'll please send me some good vibes tonight please.... I'm scared and exhausted.

@dominica @DeanD @blueorchid @JoshuaShea
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  • @Drained1 hey hun. just reading this... bless your heart. i bet that was scary and is scary!! so sorry you're having to go through this... i am glad your parents were there and that you've called the cops and others for support. i know this is the last thing you wanted to have to deal with!!!

    yes, follow through with a restraining order. you'll be tempted to let it slide, but don't. he's got to suffer some consequences for his actions.... he's used to getting his own way, and well, he's not going to be able to with you anymore. you've drawn the line, and we're on your side all the way....i wish i could come on over and we'd pop in a funny movie and eat popcorn :)

    if you feel you're in danger, be safe. leave and take your pup too. even if it's just for the night.... better safe than sorry you know....

    i'll pray for you and him tonight... and i'm sending good and safe vibes your way. i really do feel for you...but i know you're standing your ground... you don't deserve this disrespect and threats... and please don't beat yourself up about any of this..k?

    i'll check in with you in a couple of hours before bed....

    big bear hug coming your way!!
  • That is so scary, I'm sorry you are going through this! Glad you called the police and please please please go get the restraining order tomorrow, don't put it off. He is behaving in a very unstable way and you never know what is going through his mind especially being on whatever drugs he is doing. Please consider having someone stay with you. Better to keep yourself safe with a false alarm than be alone and have him come back. Sending you love and wish I was closer as I would not take No for an answer and would come hang out even if just chillin in your front yard :wink:
  • Thank you both @dominica @blueorchid I truly love you guys and thank you for taking time out of your evening to reach out..... I have my neighbors watching out over this way tonight and have put their numbers in my recent call lists right under the police dept for easy and quick access if need be. I'm just scared.... Every other time I've left him I've dealt with the crazy texts and calls but never ever has he ever threatened me in a text, phone call or in person.
  • @Drained1... Oh, man. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. What a scary situation. It's pretty obvious that your husband is angry. I'm also wondering if he might be under the influence of something, too. (Just a thought.) In any case, I'm really glad you called the police. A lot of times, people don't do that because they're scared of what might happen to their loved one. But you know what? It's ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry. That's why you absolutely have to follow through with the restraining order, too. And call the police to accompany your husband when he comes to get his stuff, too.

    I know you don't want to uproot because of your husband's antics, but this situation worries me. Is it absolutely out of the question for you to stay with someone else tonight? That might be the best idea, just for safety's sake. Just my opinion. (I'm assuming he still has keys to your place, right? That worries me.)

    If I were you, I wouldn't answer any more calls from him. Or texts. I would just distance myself from him for a period of time. If that makes him mad, so be it. (He's already mad, right?) It just makes things a little easier for you, I think, if you don't have to deal with his shit right now.

    I wish I lived closer, because I'd come and watch your house for you, just to be safe. Please, please, please keep us updated. And don't let anything stop you from getting that restraining order, okay?

    We all love you, my dear. And I'm praying hard for you tonight. And sending you megatons of positive, protective vibes. And big, badass hugs, too. I wish I could make this whole situation go away for you. You don't deserve this bullshit. And someone who really loved you wouldn't put you through this, either. This might be your husband showing his true colors, which makes me even more sure that you're doing the right thing.

    Stay safe. Stay strong. And know that we're all there with you in spirit tonight. <3
  • Thank you @DeanD Im staying very alert this evening. Probably won't be sleeping much but I am going to try. I will absolutely be following through with the restraining order in the morning. I don't deserve this just because he can't handle the truth and isn't getting his way. It's unacceptable. I will also be speaking with an attorney as well regarding divorce. I have the papers and can do it myself but i dont see getting him to sign anything easily right now nor do i want to meet him to do so. Its much cheaper for me to do it but i dont want to wait much longer to get this rolling.
  • @Drained1 I do agree that it might be best to not respond to his text or answer his calls for a while. You don’t have to defend yourself or explain yourself one more time to him. Not one more time....
  • Good morning all... Just wanted to let you know i made it through the night without incident. I didn't sleep much but there was no further contact from him in person or on phone or text. You guys were right, i got up this morning rethinking the restraining order once i saw that he has to be served and we have to go to court. But I am at the courthouse now waiting on it to open in 5 minutes. Will keep you all posted once I get more info and get to work. Thank you all for being my sanity when i was really scared and upset last night.
  • Thanks for updating us, @Drained1. Sorry you didn't get much sleep, but super glad there were no further incidents last night. I was worried about you!

    I think the restraining order is the right move. If nothing else, it will show your husband that you mean business and won't be intimidated. And that's a good thing. So what if he has to go to court. This is another consequence of his behavior, and he should have to face it. If you let him slide, you're enabling him, plain and simple.

    I'm happy we could provide you with a little sanity when you needed it most. Help, support, advice, can find it all here! :)
    Hope you have a great day. And keep us posted on what transpires at the court house.
  • @Drained1 Good morning to you! Thank you for checking in and I'm glad that you're all right. I'm glad that he didn't contact you and that you're getting that restraining order even though I know that is probably challenging for you. But just remind yourself that there are consequences to his behavior, and this is a lesson that I hope he can learn and really see how his actions affect others.

    I hope that you're able to have a good day despite all that has been going on. I'll be thinking of you and sending you mucho Positive Vibes and a big hug!
  • Hi guys... update.... I went to the courthouse in the county where I live and they said I have to go to the county where he is staying to get a TPO. I had a 9:30 meeting this morning and could not spend the extra time. I have already let my supervisor know I will be late again in the morning and plan on being there at 8am. I am following through.

    My sister in law checked on me this morning, said he called her this morning and he is still all angry and started crying. He wanted to know if I got the TPO because he wanted to get his stuff. Not sure if I should even contact him to see when and let him know I'll have a cop there. I don't even want to talk to him. I don't want to open up the lines of communication but I really do want him to get his stuff and this part be over with.
  • @Drained1... I wouldn't contact him if I were you. Is there any way you could maybe schedule a time through his sister for him to get his stuff? Having his sister be the go-between might be the best way to do it. And when that time/day is set, you could contact the police and have them come and supervise. Just a thought.

    Sorry about the TPO. Nothing's simple these days. *sigh*
  • @DeanD I am not sure how to go about all of this. I was going to take his clothes and smaller stuff I can put in my car to his sisters or brother's but he will still have tv's and a dresser and his brother's trailer at the house to get so IDK what or how to handle this. Open to suggestions
  • Have his sister contact him and set up a time that's agreeable to both of you. Then either have a cop there at that time to oversee things, or have some family members there. Just so you're not alone with him. That's what I would do. Also, if it were me I wouldn't take any of his stuff anywhere for him. I would make him do it. It's his stuff. Let him get it. I know you want to get this over with, but why make things easier for him? (Just my $0.02!)
  • @DeanD is 100% correct. The one thing I'll add is that to think twice about this order. Really think about it. I hate to say this, but a lot of women change their minds. I can tell you the amount of men I met it jail who got in trouble for protection orders against the girl who took them back, or the girl who "just wanted to meet up at the coffee shop to talk". It's a lot like women who press charges for domestic abuse and then try to recant their story....but the county or state prosecutes anyway. If you're drawing this line in the sand (which you should, IMO) make sure you're ready to have guns blazing if he crosses it and make sure you're not willing to dust up the line if it seems right at the time. You're getting the courts and the law involved. I don't think a man should act like he does and I don't think a man should hit a woman, but love sometimes does funny things to people and rational behavior takes a back seat. Make sure you know what you're doing and then NEVER see him unless a law enforcement officer is either with you or him. Communicate through the sister-in-law. This is your chance to truly do something...just make sure you want to for real.
  • @Drained1 Hey there. I think Dean's idea of having the go-between is a beautiful idea. I don't think you should open up the lines of communication right now. And don't move any of his stuff. Ask his sister to talk to him and get a time and definitely have either the police or family members there when he comes. That way it can all get done at one time...And you don't even have to engage with him when he comes to get his stuff either. I know this is hard as heck. I really do. Sending you a big hug right now!
  • Thank you all so very much for all of your support and suggestions. He tried to call and I ignored his call. He then sent a very polite text asking if I had gotten the TPO b/c he knew I left later than usual this morning.... smh. He said that the cop did call him yesterday and told him when he was coming to get his stuff to call them so they could escort him. He said he was only asking b/c he wants to get his stuff. I messed up and answered... I told him simply to let me know when he wanted to get it and I would make the proper arrangements. He asked what all he could get and I asked what else he wanted besides his personal belongings, his tools, the furniture that was his Mom's and the TV's. He said he also wanted to get the fridge, washer, dryer and microwave that he brought there from a house he cleaned out for the broker he worked for when he had his own business. (he cleared out foreclosed homes) I told him that was fine as long as he replaced them b/c I had all of that stuff when we moved in and he didn't pay for those items. He then got set off again. We went back and forth (mainly he went off) and I stopped the conversation. His messages continued to come in. The final one he said that I can "take it with a grain of salt" if I wanted by he has made the decision to end his life. Said he has lost me, our marriage and has hurt everyone he loves. I sent a screenshot to his sister to make her aware once again.... he will not answer her calls or texts, or the calls and texts of their brother. I sent him a message that he needs to stop saying that and that he needs to think of the hell his children would go through. and again told him to get help!! I saw that he read it. His sister is freaking out and so is his brother. I sent him another message to please answer his sister, he read it immediately. I told her to stop worrying that he is reading the messages. We are all worried but I literally don't know what is going on in his head....he has cried wolf so to speak so many times with this. I don't know where he is to call the police.
  • @JoshuaShea you make a good point about the restraining order. I really just want a temporary protective order that will be in effect long enough for this to all blow over. I hope that one day we could be friends but I really don't see that being a healthy option either. Now I am torn on whether I should go tomorrow morning to get the TPO or not
  • Well just an update he is perfectly fine he is just playing on everyone's emotions. I walked out my front door a few minutes ago to let my mom and dad know that I was going to church tonight just so they would be aware and could keep an eye out while I was gone for about an hour. As I walked out the door I look to my left and there is a road that comes down to our area that my street is off of and I saw him going down that road. I walked back in and look out the window on the side of my house facing that road and saw him going back up to leave this neighborhood. So the TPO will absolutely happen. There is no way I feel safe now I don't know what he is thinking and I don't know what he may try at this point. There is no hope of working anything out not even meeting up to talk on down the road at this point
  • Ugh. Sorry, @Drained1. But I think going through with the TPO is the best thing you can do. And as far as him threatening to take his own life... If he does that, and you know where he is, you can call the police. I think it's pretty standard that someone threatening suicide will be taken to the hospital by the police for an evaluation. That would be something you could do if you are concerned about his safety and don't want to have it hanging over your head. If he's serious about his threats, he'll be assessed and get help. And if he's just trying to tug at your emotions? Well, then maybe a trip to the hospital with the police would teach him a lesson. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you don't deserve what he's putting you through.

    Do some heavy duty praying at church tonight. And remember that we're all on your side.

    Big hugs to you. <3
  • @Drained1 Hey there. I agree with Dean that if you think he's suicidal, call the police and have them go pick him up. Surely he won't be happy about that, but he's not happy with anything right now anyway. I'm really glad that you let him know about the appliances, that he'd have to replace them. So you didn't just give them away, which is great because why should you have to go out and buy new ones right?

    I'm so glad you're going to church tonight! The energy there will surely pick you up and I'm sure it'll do you good to be around some great people.
  • @Drained1 Hey Lady! Glad you went to church and I hope this latest interaction is something you use as a learning experience. He is being manipulative and honestly I think you should consider blocking his number... and don't answer any calls unless you know who it is. I know you support my blocking and stopping contact with "P" and I think you should do the same with Hubby. I once dated a guy who threatened it, and he was honestly depressed, but my cutting contact made him realize he needed to turn his life around. Even "P" did it before he went to jail the first time (oh yea he's back in jail... I haven't spoken to him in a couple weeks but because I have Remand phone number blocked, the voicemails got sent to my "Blocked voicemail" screen.)
    I know it's tough, especially when we are caught up in these unhealthy, codependent relationships with addicts. We get so used to taking care of them instead of ourselves and we want them to be ok... so when they threaten suicide it is really hard to not fall for it... Yet here you see it was all manipulation and him trying to control the situation... NOT COOL!!!
    I am sorry you are going through this and I am glad for you, his kids and him that he did not take his own life... So I hope you still follow through with the TPO and block him... and maybe even tell his sister that you are no longer going to receive his calls or messages. Have you checked out any lawyers? Might be helpful so you don't have to go through his siblings and if he has anything to say he can go through another person? Just a thought. I do totally agree with Dean's posts :heart:
  • @blueorchid thank you, you're awesome & I'm so thankful for you & for our friendship that has developed.

    I'm following through with the TPO this morning. I have an appointment for a consultation with an attorney tomorrow morning as well. It is much cheaper and much easier for me to do the papers and file them myself but under these new circumstances I don't want to meet up with him to have him sign and I also do not want to stick his siblings or our friends in the middle for him to go to one of their places to sign.
  • I just filled out the application for the TPO. Im in the waiting area now. It hurt me to do it.... I don't want him in trouble i just want him to leave me alone. All of his siblings have told me its what i need to do for myself and they encouraging me to follow through. Especially since this is a very new level for him that nobody has seen. I am just worried that it will set him off further or will make him do something stupid in his own life. I am giving myself the pep talk that I cannot control his actions. He can choose to continue this path or he could choose to handle this like a mature adult rather than a pouting toddler.

    Oh, i was informed by his sister last night that she had forgotten about an altercation between him and his ex that happened once where he grabbed her by the back of her neck and head butted her when he was in a rage of madness like he was the other day. Said that she believed he would have done far more but didnt expect their kids to be on the couch. I had never heard that before. I've heard he gets crazy when he gets mad but I've never seen that.

    Like i said, I've dealt with the bipolar attitude and the crazy mean and hateful messages and calls before but no threats and none of this stalking type actions.

    Sorry y'all I am just going crazy this morning.... Full of emotions. It hurt me to fill out that form. I have to speak to a victim advocate to tell her the details. I just really want him to stop this and handle this like an adult so we can BOTH move on.
  • @Drained1 good morning! sorry this is hard for you.. i'm sure it is! but you're protecting yourself...and he doesn't need to be coming around anyway, except to get his stuff.

    remember that just as this is an opportunity for you to do something different, this is an opportunity for him too... he can revert back to his wounded self and handle things like he has, or he can "buck up", so-to-speak and make better choices.... either way, he is responsible for him....

    proud of you for doing what you must do... i know it is certainly not easy, but necessary....

    take some slow, deep breaths today.....relax those's going to be alright... YOU will be time, my dear.

  • Sending you hugs and positive energy, @Drained1. I know the TPO isn't something you expected to be doing at this point, but you have to take care of YOU first and foremost. You're not doing this to harm him; you're doing it to protect YOU. And that's a good thing! And nothing bad will happen to him if he behaves himself. So, really, this is all on him. And it always has been. You are not at fault in any way. Not for any of what's happened!

    Lots of slow, deep breaths today, like @dominica suggested. Practice some mindfulness. It will help you stay focused on YOU.

    Love you. <3
  • Hi guys, I am at work now and came in to chaos so I may be out of touch for a while after this until I get home. Tonight is Nar-Anon and I volunteered to be the "Chair Person" tonight... so I'll be leading the reading and starting the meeting. Little nervous about that but considering everything else I've been having to do lately that's the LEAST of my fears right now. I haven't had time to prepare of anything so I'm totally winging it tonight.

    It's a huge weight off my shoulders that his brother will be getting his stuff for me. I know he is going to lash out at me once he finds out but I am at peace right this moment. The friends he is staying with are, or were, mutual friends. I text her yesterday when he was not responding to ppl to see if he was at their house and safe and she never responded. No telling what they have heard is happening. I'm certain it's not the truth.

    Now...... I need some opinions. They are going to be serving him at their house cause that's where he is staying. Let me say this first.... I DO NOT DO ANY DRUGS NOR HAVE I EVER, I've never even smoked a cigarette. I've drank alcohol but that's the worst I've done in my entire 37 years of life. With that being said, the man friend he is staying with smokes pot. I know he does because he has told me, he has never smoked while we are there because neither myself or my husband smoke and he respected that. However, I know he does and I know he keeps it on their front porch. Should I try to reach out to them and give them a heads up that he is going to be served divorce papers there so they can clear things away??? I really don't want them to be stuck in the middle and cause any problems for them regardless of how they feel about me due to whatever they have heard? I don't want to tip him off about the possibility of the TPO being served. I also don't want him to lash out at me about being served divorce papers either..... suggestions???
    @DeanD @dominica @blueorchid
  • @Drained1 Hey lady! My suggestion is No... Don't tell them anything about him being served. I think it's best you keep some distance especially with him staying there. Also, he can behave how he is going to... if you tell them, then they tell him, he leaves and he never has been served... Then he comes to your house, you may be putting yourself in danger... If not that severe, you still should be keeping your distance fully now that you have filled the papers for the TPO (as Joshua had mentioned in his previous post). I know you are trying to help and do what is best for everyone, so I must tell you that keeping your distance and not reaching out to them is what is best (in my not so humble opinion).
  • ps, I never thought you had done drugs so you didn't need to put that in your post :wink: Another thought I had, if the friend you messaged never responded to you the other day, maybe they have taken his side (regardless what he had told them or not) so that itself is another reason not to reach out about the TPO. They will find out soon enough. Glad his family is being supportive to you and scary about the physical abuse to his ex wife you found out about... So thankful you stood your ground and got the TPO cuz obviously this isn't totally new behaviour. Be safe, love you and am here for you :heart:
  • I totally agree with @blueorchid on this, @Drained1. I wouldn't give anyone a heads-up. Just let things take their natural course. That's the safest, best way to do it.

    Also, you can't control what your husband tells anyone about your situation. If he chooses to lie to people, then so be it. The truth will all come out in the end. And karma is a bitch!

    Keep us updated on how things go, okay? We are your tribe and we are all behind you!!!
  • Thanks @DeanD . I couldn’t find this post anywhere and I was worried.
    @Drained1 I am so glad you are staying strong. Good luck at naranon tonight.
  • Well guys, It's been an interesting evening around here. First of all, I got a call on my way home from work that the Judge had signed the TPO and I could pick up my copies tomorrow or Saturday. But was reminded that it would not be in effect until he is served. Then after I got home another lady from the Sheriff's Dept called trying to get info on when to serve and his job info.

    Unfortunately, I did not make it to my Nar-Anon meeting. I had to contact the lady in charge and apologize and let her know I wasn't going to make it. My husband started calling me back to back to back this afternoon. At first when I did not answer his call he sent a text saying "ok, don't answer. I'll just stop by". Then kept calling. Me and my parents saw him drive right down my road in front of my house. (my parents are my neighbors) I closed all my doors and called the non emergency dispatch line and updated them on the TPO being signed but he had not been served. Told them what was going on so they dispatched an officer to come and further advise me. We had really bad weather again this afternoon and it was taking forever for him to get here. He called and apologized and wanted to make sure I was ok and said he was trying to get here but was stuck in traffic due to the weather. I told him I was fine and that my husband was just calling back to back and had drove by once. I wasn't sure if he was just wanting to get his stuff, I told the officer I was fine with him getting his things I just didn't want to have him here without and officer here. My husband text me and said "Please pick up. I need help Please" I told the officer. He said for me to text him and ask if he was just wanting his stuff. If so we could set that up. He responded after the cop got here and said he didn't want his stuff that I could throw it all away as far as he was concerned but he needed help and was afraid he was overdosing. The cop asked me questions about his background and if he had ever "cried wolf" before like this. I told him yes, every time actually but this time he has been very different and on a different level of crazy than I've ever seen so i can't be sure of anything right now. He text back that he was on the side of the road and felt delusional and didn't know where he was. The cop said "I have to try to make contact with him" He got in his patrol vehicle and they tried to contact him. No answer. He got out and asked me to try to call and put my phone on speaker. The first two times it went to voicemail. The 3rd time it rang and he answered. I asked him what was going on and where he was. The cop was having me lower my phone and ask him questions to try to get a better idea of what was going on. He said he didn't know where he was. He was feeling delusional. Said he had felt like that all day long but it got worse driving home. I was trying to get him to tell me where he went after he rode by here to try to get a better idea of where he was. He said he had been mixing pills and meth. He said "I told you I was gonna try .... " I let him go bc he said he needed a few minutes.

    The cop gathered info on his vehicle and I told him which direction he would have gone to get to where he has been staying. He put a lookout for him and they were trying to find him. Said if I heard from him or he showed up to call them. He called me back and was saying he found his wedding ring and he was sooo hungry and couldn't remember when he ate last. Said he was close to being back to where he is staying. So, he was in the other county..... I told him I had to go and for him to let me know when he made it there safely. I called dispatch back and updated. She had another cop come out. I gave him the info and he said that he really felt like he may be "crying wolf" and he really hopes he is but they couldn't do any further since he was in the next county over. Said for me to have no further contact with him whatsoever so I would not be in violation of the TPO. Said if he showed up to not answer or let him in and to call them ASAP. He said "if you keep hearing from him, then obviously he is fine" and advised me that I could call the other county to have a welfare check done if I felt it was necessary.

    He started calling and calling again and texting asking why I wasn't answering after asking him to call me when he got home. Then he said that he feels like I have cops or someone on the way there and that he was about to leave again even though he was in no condition to drive. then the texts turned into him saying he was going to finish off all the pills and meth that he had and may or may not make it through the night and that the ppl he is staying with are out of town so he isn't gonna stay there alone. when he kept talking about using the rest of the night, I called the other county. Gave them all the background and requested a welfare check. The dispatcher called me back and informed me that they had made contact with him and he was fine, that they offered to get him help and he refused it. Also, they served him with the TPO while they were there.

    I'm thankful to God that he is fine and I know he is probably full of rage right now b/c of all that but I had to make sure he was ok. I let his sister know what was going on when she called to check on me. She got real quiet and said "that actually makes sense" I asked what she meant. She said that before he got clean before he and I even met that he had began mixing pills and meth b/c the pills were not strong enough anymore. Said he would get paranoid and have fits of rage and anger and outbursts.... just like he has been doing this past week or so. She suggested he may have started mixing in the days that led up to me having him leave.

    Right now, I'm exhausted. I've hardly slept in the past two days. The cops here told me they were going to be staying in the area all night. I saw 6 within an hour or so before it got dark. I feel safe tonight. I also feel sick to my stomach..... Tomorrow morning I'm going to file my divorce papers. It's time. Tonight, I'm making my decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God (#3 in the Nar-Anon 12 steps)
    @DeanD @dominica

    PS: @2feelgood It's great to hear from you and thank you. Hope you are well. I've not been much good at keeping up with everyone else these past few days. Plan on catching up tomorrow.
  • @Drained1... Aw, man. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that drama tonight. And I'm sorry you missed your Nar-Anon meeting. I'm glad your husband is okay, but geez...what a mess.

    It's good that he got served with the TPO. That, I think, will help. I agree with you that it's time to file those divorce papers, too. You've given him many chances. It's time for you to get YOUR life back in order. Yes, turn your will and live over to the care of God. And know that you're doing the right thing.

    I"m happy to hear the cops are sticking around your area tonight. It sounds like you've got good law enforcement there, and that they care. Please don't hesitate to call for help if you feel unsafe for any reason, okay?

    I'm keep you in my thoughts and prayers tonight. And I will pray for your husband, too. I hope he can get the help he needs and turn his life around.


    I hope you can get at least a little bit of good sleep tonight. You must be running on fumes and adrenalin right now, you poor thing. At least tomorrow is Friday.

    Sending you love, hope, hugs, and sweet dreams. I also want you to know that I admire your strength and courage so much. I'm really proud of you. <3
  • @Drained1 Hi Lovey! I hope you are sleeping alright as I know you need the rest.
    So sorry to read what you have been going thru the past few days. I was wondering if he had been using something else, and honestly meth was my first guess, based on his rage & the erratic behaviour. I’m so thankful you have good law enforcement and that they were able to serve him the TPO.
    As you said, He likely will be even angrier now and therefore I again suggest you block his number on your phone... that way you won’t see his texts or calls and if he leaves you any voicemails you can delete without listening. It’s important for you to be strong and I know how hard it can be when you are concerned about their welfare especially when he makes those threats. If you block him then the temptation to answer or reach out won’t be as strong which will prevent you from breaching the TPO and more difficult for you to know if he has.
    I think it’s good you cancelled going to your meeting and I’m sure they understood. You did what was best for you and that’s what you need to continue to do.
    I’m sorry you are having to file for divorce however I do believe doing it tomorrow is a good decision. He has taken things to the next level and you do not deserve to be put through what you have endured.

    I will be thinking of you tonight and will check in to see how you are in the morning. You are amazing & so damn strong! I am proud of you and you should be proud of you as well! I know it will be a whirlwind of emotions over the next while so remember you have us here to support you and listen.

    Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with us! I truly believe that is the best way to put things in to proper perspective and helps to make those tough decisions. Sweet dreams and chat with you in the morning. Hugs :heart:
  • @Drained1 Good morning! Wow you certainly have been through a lot last this week. So sorry that you're having to go through all this, I really hope that things can calm down for you soon. I'm glad that you are all right and that he's all right. I'm glad that the TPO has been issued. Perhaps he will be able to accept that this is the end of the relationship and be able to reach out for help.

    Hopefully you'll be able to get it to your nar-anon meeting next week. In the meantime, you certainly can lean on us here and your higher power. Don't forget to have some fun and practice self-care this weekend. Surround yourself with those who will keep you inspired and feeling safe and loved.

    Sending you mega Positive Vibes today my dear!
  • Thinking of you this morning, @Drained1. I hope you were able to get some sleep. And I hope things go well for you today. I am also sending you a megadose of positive vibes today. And big hugs. Know that you have friends who love and care about you here. <3
  • @Drained1 My problems are petty compared to yours. I am actually doing OK for now. I have been so worried about you. If we don't hear from you, we panic. I am praying for you and hope that your husband doesn't do anything stupid. I know all about the paranoia caused from meth. (From previous relationships). I greatfully have been clean of meth for 12 years. Unfortunately, I traded it for alcohol. The last 2 months I have been trying really hard to control the monster. And with the help of this site and smart, I have been doing really well. I haven't stopped drinking but I gave up all the hard alcohol and have not been (drunk) since. Still working on my husband. He has been trying but I still don't believe that he can just slow down. It won't be long and we will be on the roller coaster again. I have been doing really good at creating boundaries and learning that I can only control myself.
    I have always been really good at threatning but not following through. That has changed and I think my husband actually believes me this time. So we will see.
    Please keep us updated on whats happening. Like I said, there are a lot of people here very concerned about you and your safety. I wish I knew where you lived. I would be there guarding your house 24/7. Lots of love and prayers coming your way.
  • Hello all... I am overwhelmed with the amount of love and support I have gained here. You guys are all the best! I felt at peace going to sleep last night, then I woke up about 3 hours later around 1:15am and just absolutely could NOT go back to sleep. I'm literally exhausted. I'm really struggling today at work. I'm bombarded with work, which isn't anything new but I just can't deal with everything as tired as I am. I feel overwhelmed. My mind would not stop and every noise I heard I got up to check things out around the house.

    I talked to my sister in law via text about an hour ago and she said that my husband called her last night. I asked her if he was ok and sounded like he was in his right mind, she said yes to both. She didn't go into further detail and I didn't ask any further questions.... part of the TPO states that "indirect contact" includes communication through another person so I'm sure she is cautious of that and I'd never put her in that position. I was thankful to hear that he called her finally and to hear that he was ok. I was angry that if he sounded fine then his actions last night were just to play on my emotions. However, she has never been able to pick it up in his voice unless he was super messed up. But.... I can't change it or control it.... I just am going to say that perhaps it all happened for a reason and perhaps the reason was for him to be able to be served the TPO without the hassle of tracking him down for days or weeks. And, perhaps it showed him that I'm serious and that he can't do this to me any longer. I did ask her if based on her conversation with him... and told her I did not want to know any details of it... just asked if she thought he would sign the papers somewhere (without me around) or if I should still proceed to file and have him served. She said to have him served.

    I did not go file the papers this morning because as I was laying awake I remembered that I have to have a different form for him to be served. The form I had was for if we had both signed the papers. I also remembered that on one of the forms I have to enter any other case numbers associated with the two of us that are pending or in action so I have to get my copy of the TPO papers to have the case number. They are open tomorrow from 7am - 1pm so I am going to get them in the morning since they are closed by the time I get home. The I can double and triple check everything over the weekend and do it Monday morning. Thank goodness I have a wonderful and understanding work place/co-workers/ and bosses. Yes....I had to go to my supervisor and the owners and let them know what was going on so it didn't look like I was just starting to be late daily with no reason. They are SO understanding and supportive. Love my job and my company!

    After work today I have to go pick up the packets and everything for our 5K tomorrow!! The 5K starts at 5pm tomorrow evening, so I'm really looking forward to that!! It's a first for both of us. (my best friend since we were 3 years old is attending with me) We registered back in March.... it was my motivation to get back up on my feet and get back to the gym as quickly as possible after my surgery. Although the past few weeks I have only been a few times with everything going on.... but I am excited.

    @DeanD @dominica @blueorchid @2feelgood You guys are amazing and I'm so thankful for each and everyone of you!!!
  • @Drained1... Sorry you didn't get much sleep. But I'm happy to hear that things are okay. Get through today, then you have the weekend. Your 5K should be fun, and I think we all can agree that you could use some FUN!!!! :)
    More positive juju coming your way. In fact, I'm sending it to you all day long. And all night long. And all weekend long. <3
  • @Drained1 i do hope you get a good night's sleep tonight and have a blast at the 5K! so cool! good for you for doing what you want...and keeping your plans!

    it's been a week for sure!! we are happy to be here for you... believing the best for you always! <3
  • Let us know how you're doing after you do your 5K today, @Drained1. I'll be sending you lots of energy and strength!!! :)
  • Hi everyone! Thanks for the encouragement! Race begins at 5pm so be sending me some good vibes!!! I am proud to announce that I slept all night last night and feel much better today!! Got up and went to pick up my certified copies of the TPO, got last minute items for the race this evening, picked up my furbaby's monthly flea and tick meds, ate a biscuit (I'll work it back off this evening lol) came home and rearranged my living room, got the rest of my husband's stuff in order and ready to be picked up by his brother, swept and mopped all my floors (all hardwood throughout the house)..... NOW I'm sitting and resting for a bit. My bff will be here within the hour and we will be headed to the race location. Its about 45 minutes or so from my house.

    I have a real sense of peace today for the first time in a REALLY long time. My sister in law called last night and said that my husband had "cracked" and fessed up to her and was asking her to help him find somewhere to take him last night so he can get help. He was crying and begging her to let me know that he loves me and that he knows he has probably gone too far with me but he wants help for himself even if i am gone. I told her to please not let him #1 talk her into communication with me through her because it violates the TPO #2 play on her emotions like he always does when everyone else backs away because he knows how soft hearted she is. I told her to take him to the ER and they will refer him and have him transported to get help. She said that he realized he couldnt go to treatment because he would miss the TPO court date. I told her i pray that it wasnt an attempt to get me to drop the TPO and come running to help because neither were going to happen. She told him to call the sheriff's dept and tell them he wanted and needed help but was concerned about missing court and get their advice. She said "If he really wants help he will get it himself" Guys.....that was HUGE for her to do that because she always hurts for her brother. She apologized for telling me what he wanted her to tell me and said "i just couldnt say no, he had me crying with him" but now she is aware that it violates the order. I would never report anything like that on him but i also dont want him to turn it around on me and have me in violation of it.

    Well, my bestie just pulled up..... I will touch base when i am home later. Hope you all have a wonderful day ❤
  • @Drained1... ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
  • You guys.... I SURVIVED.... Whew it was SOOO HOT!!! While my bestie and I were eating dinner after the race I had some drama start with the "friend" of mine that my husband is staying with but I put my phone down and didn't continue the conversation. I refused to have my peace taken today. I told my friend that I sure don't miss all the lies and chaos on a daily basis. Huge stepping stone!! It's pretty simple actually. They have no clue as to the truth, they are out of town camping and she got REALLY MAD that the cops were at their house. Went off on me about how they don't need the cops at their house because we can't get along. I set her straight.... let her know that they were there b/c I was in fear for his LIFE. She ended up saying that her friend had her phone and she was texting all that and she would never say those things to me. She wants me to sent the screenshots of his texts saying he was mixing stuff and the one where he said he was going to end his life so she can confront him. She said i need to let him or her come get his brother's trailer so he can work b/c she can't afford to keep him up too and he can't work without the trailer so clearly he isn't with the job he was at when he left here. Probably has them believing he still has his company. I told her that the trailer is his brother's so they can all deal with the owner of the trailer but it wasn't leaving my yard unless it was with his brother. She has tried to call and I'm just not doing it tonight..... I'm tired and it's been a really good day, not gonna end it badly.

    And..... on a different note.... my daughter called as i walked in and said she had taken 3 pregnancy tests and they were all positive..... I'm REALLY not sure how to feel about this........ Mixed emotions but it is what it is and we will make the best out of it. Lord help me.....
  • @Drained1 good morning! glad your race went well and that you had a good day yesterday (despite the texts...) good for you!! i hope today is quiet for you and you can rest...and have a happy day!

    congrats about your daughter!!! does she live near you? i understand having mixed emotions about such, but you're right. you will enjoy and make the best of it!! :)

    enjoy yourself today! <3
  • Thank you @dominica My daughter lives about 20 minutes from me. She is young so I'm scared for her, but I was young too and I think I did pretty good lol. She is a very smart and independent young lady, she and the Dad have been engaged for a few months now and they are both really excited.

    This morning my brother in law got his trailer and we talked for a long time. He did not have room in his vehicle for my husband's things so I loaded all his clothes and everything I could fit into my car and took it to my sister in law's b/c I know he probably needs some more clothes by now. He has fessed up to all his siblings that he has indeed been mixing roxies and meth. I was gathering his stuff a few days back and found a whole stash of little "baggies" in the very bottom of a drawer in a shelf in my living room!! They were all empty.... I know nothing about drugs but I know that baggies are not used for pills. Not sure why he had them but can only assume. Is it common for those using meth to have empty bags though??

    Anyway, all that is left of his personal belongings at my house are the larger furniture that I couldn't get on my own. I'll be honest, it's kind of a weight off my shoulders.
    My brother in law said that according to my husband the only thing keeping him from getting in a treatment facility is the TPO court date. My sister in law said that they found out that if he calls and tells them what he is doing, the facility he goes to will have to send a form to the Sheriff's Dept that served the TPO and they will extend the court date. I was proud of both my brother in law and my sister in law, because they both told him that he has to do it. He had told my brother in law that he wants to go to show me he wants help and he told him that if that's why he wants to go it's for the wrong reason and told him the same thing I've been telling him... that it has to be for HIMSELF or it won't work.

    My husband tried to call my brother in law while he was here and he didn't answer. He called back again and I told him I was stepping inside so he could take the call to make sure everything was ok. When they were done talking my brother in law said "just so you know, he's got someone watching you over here b/c he asked if I got the trailer and I told him I was getting it right now and he said he figured I already had it cause I was backed up to it a little bit ago" One of my neighbors was gone and the other one had actually walked out of their garage while we were talking and then he pulled his phone out and walked back in. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, but that could explain how he knew I had the cops out and how I left late for work last week the day after the cops were out. All I have to say is they are gonna be so bored keeping tabs on me LOL!!!
  • Morning @Drained1
    Glad u got to do the 5k with your bestie & super proud of you for the way you handled everything with the in-laws & (ex) hubby.

    I have a 5K run coming up in October that I need to train for... I hadn’t thought about it til recently when i received a reminder email from the breast cancer society to register... it’s been an annual tradition for me for over a decade where I only missed it once because I was in Vegas a few years ago. One of my besties from kindergarten also attended it a few times so even though I ran alone during the race, her & I would meet afterwards to eat our snacks & visit for a while. I definitely cherish those memories & I’m glad you could had something else to focus on over the weekend.

    Sounds like his siblings are truly supporting you in doing what’s best for you all. I am also glad you were able to help his sister understand the legalities of the TPO. I guess now you have an idea of which neighbour is communicating with him, you can avoid them as well. It may be something to mention to your future lawyer especially if you feel it compromises your sense of security & safety.

    I would think he may have hid the baggies due to being paranoid of u seeing them in the garbage if he threw them away or something... & is also possible they were from both of other drugs. It is strange he kept them however it’s really not uncommon for unusual behaviours including acquiring new rituals... Who knows?

    I am thankful you now have more knowledge of what he was actually upto. Sometimes having a clearer picture of what you were truly contending with can aide with your healing. Now it’s even more apparent to me that the TPO was necessary & I am proud of you for following through with it when I know it must have been quite difficult. I am sorry you are contending with all of this. I hope your divorce filing goes smoothly & we are here for you during the process.

    I am glad you were able to open up to your employer & colleagues regarding your situation & that they understand. It’s really great they have been giving you the flexibility you’ve needed recently. I am proud of you for being vulnerable with them & opening up about what you are going through. This often can be difficult to do & is another testament to your strength.

    Congrats on your daughter’s pregnancy as well! It’s nice hearing both her & the father are excited. I bet you will be an amazing support for her, grandma! Maybe this can be a positive life event for you to focus your energy!

    I woke up cuz our hotel room is too hot & felt I needed to respond to your recent posts before trying to get back to sleep. Sending you love and positive vibes this morning! :heart:
  • Good morning @blueorchid and thank you for your encouragement and support! I was already awake and decided to go on in to work lol Trying to make up some time from what I missed last week dealing with the TPO paperwork. As far as the baggies, I don't think they had ever been used... I found that the majority of all of them were two together and you had to separate them to open them....that is what I found so strange.

    So I need opinions PRETTY PLEASE! I have my divorce papers printed, signed and notarized. Where I live you can file them on your own as long as you have all documentation in order and I have quadruple checked their list and I have everything in order. However, with him talking about going to treatment I don't want to pay all of the fees to have the papers filed and pay the fee to have him served if he is going to be in treatment. Not sure if they can serve him through the courts while away at treatment or not I plan on calling the victim advocate that I spoke with to file my TPO, she was very helpful. I don't want to prolong this any longer, but I don't want to file and have it sit, and I also don't want to detour him from going to treatment. Opinions? Suggestions?

    @DeanD @dominica
  • @Drained1 Good morning! I'm glad that your weekend went all right and that you've got most of his stuff out of your house. I bet that really does feel like a load off!

    Very interesting about the neighbors keeping tabs on you. You're right in that they will get bored of that after a while.

    I'm not sure what to say regarding the divorce papers. I would go ahead and call the victim's Advocate and see if you can get some answers there. And the reality is that he may not go into treatment. Of course I hope he does, but his actions don't add up to his words.

    I really hope that this week can be a drama-free. That you can continue to practice self-care and begin moving on with your life. I know it's going to be a transition, but I think it can be a super good one. And of course we are always here to support and encourage you however we can.
  • @Drained1... Yay that the race went well! And yay for your impending grandmotherhood! (I say embrace it. New life is a wonderful thing!) As far as the divorce papers go... I would go ahead and file them. Don't overthink it. File them and let things take their course. And @dominica is right: He may not even go to treatment. I think filing the papers is just another step in taking care of YOU first. Don't worry about what may or may not happen with him. That's my opinion.

    Happy Monday! Hope you have a fabulous week!!
  • You guys are awesome! Thank you for your input. I have to say, I'm not sure what it is but something is different with me today. I feel at peace, but I also feel really good about everything in general. Perhaps this time and distance from not being drug through his emotional mind games the past few days has given me the space and clarity I needed to see that this is for the best and I have made the right choice. I've always been so easily pulled back in when I hear from him or see him. It makes it so hard b/c I do love him and my heart hurts. But having these past few days so calm and quiet without the chaos surrounding me, without having to decide if I'm being lied to or told the truth, I truly am already feeling better. I think that catching up on sleep has also helped. I fell asleep yesterday afternoon for about 3 hours on my couch and it was much needed.
  • @Drained1 I'm sure all of that is making a difference. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling some peace and you are optimistic today. Enjoy it!
  • Hey, @Drained1... You know who else is awesome??? YOU!!!!!!

    So happy that you're feeling better!! Getting rid of toxicity in our lives is a good thing!!!
  • Good morning all. The non sleeping pattern is returning, I've been really struggling with the fatigue so I've been a little more quiet than usual on here the past few days.

    The friends my husband is staying with text again yesterday wanting to come pick up a boating item they had let us borrow yesterday afternoon. I told her that I would leave it on the front porch and they could get it whenever and let my parents know they were coming. When I got there he (the friend) was leaving and had talked to my dad and to one of my neighbors. He was so frustrated b/c he said he did not realize that it was that bad. Told my Dad that my husband had packed all his stuff except the bed and had left Saturday night. They had been trying to call him all Sunday (they had been out of town camping since Thursday), all Sunday evening and all day yesterday with no answer from him. He told my Dad that he was "done trying".

    He pulled back in when he saw me arrive home and got out and hugged me and said he was sorry and that they were not choosing sides cause they do love us both, but that he sees now how stubborn and angry my husband is. Said that he has been "wide open" at their house.... pacing all around the yards, through the house. Said they can start a conversation and he turns angry in no time. I told him it's because he is on drugs and told him that he has told me and all his siblings he is mixing pills and meth. I told him I was not trying to cause trouble or bad talk him, but he needs to be aware. He was shocked. Got a text from his wife (my friend) apologizing for being so rude and harsh to me that she did not really know what had been going on. Both my Dad and my neighbor confirmed with him what I said as far as everything with the threats to me and how he was in a rage when I decided to take out the TPO.

    Got a text last night after I was asleep from my friend saying my husband had reached out to her husband. Guys........ I KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!! I clearly see his cycle and how he works now. Every single time someone learns the TRUTH about him he will avoid them for a short time then he will "reach out" and fess up and give the pity party sob story about how he needs help and he is ashamed and blah blah freaking blah. I'm sorry..... I pray to God he gets help. I truly want that for him but seeing his cycle so clearly just angers me that I let him control me by playing on my emotions and my heart for so long.

    Tomorrow is the day his sister is supposed to take him to the recovery center. Detox is 48 hours and he can choose to stay for the 30 treatment for free but the lady advised my sister in law that most leave after detox. I'm sitting still on the papers until I see what he does and if he leaves I need to know where he is staying in order to give the correct address for him to be served once I file the divorce papers. There is no question on if I am going to.... I am. Just being smart since I have to pay for it all up front, I have to have all correct info to begin with.
  • @Drained, I pray that your husband accepts the true help he needs. I'm glad family, neighbors and friends have been there to support you both AND have validated your feelings and fears. I'm proud you have stuck around here, vented, voiced and "self talked" your situation all the way through to some great choices and decisions! The forum works for those who work it, eh?
    Good luck with these next steps for YOU! I'll be watching and reading from a distance...@Dean and @dominica, among others have truly walked you through much with some great support and advice! Keep up the positive and painful work!
    YOU ROCK! B)
  • @Drained1 Good morning! I'm sorry that you're not sleeping. I think in time that should get better. Be sure that you're taking some time throughout the day to Just Breathe slowly and deeply and relax your entire body. Try to relax that mind for a bit and enjoy the present moments.

    I do hope that he goes to detox and continues on to treatment. As we all know, change is a process and I hope that he continues on with the stages.

    I hope you have a wonderful day!
  • Thanks for letting us know the latest, @Drained1. Maybe try some melatonin or a Benadryl at bedtime. Maybe that will help you sleep a little better. As far as your husband, know that I am praying for him, too. If he goes to the treatment center and detoxes, maybe it will wake him up. And maybe he'll stay and get the help he needs. Of course, he might not even go. Or he might go and leave after detox. But whatever he does, it's HIS choice. Nobody else has any control over it.

    Sending you lots of positivity today. And a bunch of little sleep angels that will help you get some good shut-eye tonight. You'll just have to release them when you're ready to go to bed, or else they'll just sleep through their assignment. o:)
  • Thank you all so much. Yes @Goodtr8s this forum has been a saving grace for me. All of the friendships I have developed and the support/encouragement has been all I had to hang on to some days. Truly thankful I found this community.

    @dominica I'm trying to breathe lol.... I'm super slammed at work which is just adding to my anxiety to be honest but I've taken time to walk outside or step away from my office for a few moments here and there to calm myself and take a mental break.

    @DeanD Thank you so much!! I took melatonin over the weekend and worked really well. I think I may do that again tonight to catch back up.

    I am trying to get everything organized in my brain as to my next steps. Detox is 48 hours IF he goes. I really have a gut feeling that he will go. I think he is still holding on to hope that I'll take him back if he does this. If he stays beyond detox I don't know.... just have to wait and see. But I have to sit tight until I see what he does. If he leaves I need to find out where he is staying now so I can correct the service address for the papers. If he stays, I have to figure out how that works as far as having him served. Since I can't afford an attorney and I'm doing all the filing and serving fees out of my pocket, it all has to be correct the first time.
  • Sounds like a plan, @Drained1. Just attack the work stuff one thing at a time. I hope your day goes as smoothly as possible. :)
  • I'm was afraid to even type this out, but I mentioned it in another discussion so I figured I may as well. My husband text me 3 times earlier today. The first two was saying he was going to get help tomorrow and wants me to wait on him and to let him show me he will be a brand new man when he gets out. Asking if I was going to have divorce papers waiting for him when he got out because he wants to get help dealing with that while in treatment if I was. Saying he was scared and begging me not to have him arrested for contacting me. I did not answer. I blocked his number to avoid any further contact. I then got an email asking me to please just let him know if I was divorcing him b/c he was going to need help dealing with that and was going to seek help while in treatment to deal. Then, I got a text from him from a random number asking me to please just say yes or no to if I was divorcing him. I did not answer. I don't want to cause trouble for him and report this b/c he isn't being violent or angry or threatening but I'm also not going to get myself in trouble by answering nor do I want to open up the lines of communication with him again. He leaves tomorrow for treatment..... praying he sticks with it. This evening I got a phone call from a private number and then a voicemail was left. I listened and it was him. He said that he wanted to tell me goodbye because he leaves in the morning. He said he loves me and told me to take care of myself. He called me "baby" which is what he always calls me. It literally felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest. It hurt me so badly to hear his voice. I'm dreading facing him in court for the TPO.

    This is all going to be so hard. But I have to stick with this. I remind myself of how at peace I have felt over the past few days without any contact from him. I have to remind myself of all the other times over the past years that my heart was crushed from hearing his voice, from hearing his promises, from seeing him broken....THEN I have to remind myself of all the times I gave in and believed his words and believed in him only to have my heart crushed again by his lies and denials. It's time to put myself and my well being first. I've never done that it's always been about him, I've not been fair to my own heart. It's getting crushed one way or the other. But by moving on and sticking with this through the hardest and my heartbreaking time my heart WILL heal. My life will become peaceful without living with fear or worry daily. It will take time but it will happen.
  • Morning update..... walked out to leave for work and found a note on my windshield from my husband. Read it when I got to work. It's heartbreaking, encouraging and also a lot of what I've heard in the past. Only difference is that he is going to treatment this morning.... or says he is. I'm waiting to hear from my sister in law to see if he showed up and let her take him. In the past, I would have given him YET another chance to prove himself. I can't do it again though. I can't risk going through this again... not a few weeks, months or even years from now. This time was too much. Why is this so heartbreaking and hard? I think it hurts me worse because I know he loves me and I know he misses me ...... but is it out of a sincere love or is it an "I don't want to be alone"? Or "I need someone to help take care of me"? You know? I saw all the dating sites he has joined, I saw conversations between him and other women, I saw that he exchanged phone numbers with one of them, I saw all of the "adult sites" that were bombarding his inbox. (wasn't stalking or being a detective @DeanD lol, had to log in to his email to get my DirecTV contract printed.... my account is under his email address and needed that in case he changed his password) I can never un-see that.... on top of everything else. I have to stay strong.....
  • @Drained1 Good morning! I'm super proud of you for not getting in touch with him or giving him an answer. Perhaps he was just wanting to hear that you were going to divorce him so he would have another reason to flip out. To play the victim. He can deal with his addiction at treatment and whatever else he needs to deal with not having to know the answer. I do hope that he went to treatment.

    I'm sure it's incredibly challenging for you. I know you've been hurt on a whole lot of levels, and yet you still love and care for him. You do want the best for him, but you want it from a healthy place. Not from a place where you want to fix him or take care of him. But from a place where you genuinely want him to get his s*** together without you in the picture. Without you having to feel responsible for him. This is such a great opportunity for him to stay single and really work on his life. He's probably terrified to be alone. He's probably terrified to face himself and his wounds or trauma. But unless he does, he will most likely continue to live a life full of addiction and pain. Anyway, enough about him.

    Continue practicing self-care. Didn't you sign up for that Daily Om course Iintimacy Without Responsibility? Maybe take a look at that again this week. Maybe one lesson a day. Keep focused on you and your self care and your growth. The opportunities for you to continue to live your life based on what you want and need, and using this time to experience some peace in your house and do the things you want to do. Continue to think about what makes you feel super happy. What are you passionate about? What have you put on the Shelf since you've been dealing with all of these things?

    And as always know that we are here wanting the best for you my dear
  • @dominica thank you. Heard from his sister, he did show up and they are on the way to the facility as I am typing this. I'm so thankful!! Yes, I've been hurt so much throughout the years but this time was a definitely on many new levels. I'm praying for him and supporting him from a distance. It's HIS turn to step up and take care of himself and his responsibility.

    I'm also THRILLED about tomorrow. A good friend has purchased tickets to a concert and she bought me one as well and gave me no option to turn her down on going to it. She wants me to get away from the house, away from my whole area and go to the concert with her. It's a band that has been my absolute favorite since I was a teenager.... I'll admit. I would have turned her down had I been given the option but I am SUPER SUPER excited about going now. I am packing a bag this evening and tomorrow after work I'm going to her house and we are getting ready together and then I'm coming back to her house to stay the night since it will be later. She lives about an hour from me. Her husband is a co-worker of mine and we met through him and have been super close ever since. She has been wonderful through all of this.

    She is also a young grandma .... which I am still coming to terms with in my life..... so she has been helping me to handle the news and to keep me sane with that as well lol. I'm over the shock of that now, now I am getting excited. My daughter came to see me yesterday after going to get an official test. Her estimated due date is the day after her birthday. She is so happy and just glowing.
  • @Drained1 , I can sympathize what you’re going through. It’s such a hard decision to make, even if you feel like it’s the right one. I divorced my kids’ dad when they were around 4 and 5 years old. I didn’t have any marketable skills, but knew that getting out of that toxic environment was necessary for our welfare. And it was really hard. I missed the man he used to be, the kids missed their dad terribly, I struggled working 2 jobs and going to college part time (and now have a masters degree that it took me 14 years to get going to school part time!), Fast forward 25+ years, ex is off the hard drugs and booze, and told me leaving him all those years ago was the right thing to do for me and the kids, and he’s sorry that he was such an ass. And I have a good job (all that struggle for an education paid off) and have been with a terrific guy for the last 13 years. The initial break with the ex was incredibly painful and I struggled for a really long time, but I’m in a much better place now than I would have been if I stayed. But every relationship is different and only you can decide what’s best for YOU. Because you matter. Keeping you in my prayers.
  • @Drained1... I know this is a really hard thing for you. I can't imagine all the feelings you're having. But I think you said it best when you said, "I have to stay strong." Talk is cheap. Your husband is talking a good game right now, because he's in a tough spot. It's easy for him to say all the right things. But actions speak way louder than words. He needs to get help and focus on himself. And you need to focus on you. Period.

    Boy, you guys get up way earlier than I do! Sorry I'm so late in replying to you early birds!

    BTW, what concert are you going to????
  • @Wings thank you for the encouraging words!!!

    @DeanD @dominica just an update, his sister said they got to the treatment facility and filled out all of the paperwork only to be told they were full and they needed to call daily for next opening. I told her to take him to the ER or to contact the Non-Emergency line at the Sheriff's dept and they could transport him to get help like they offered during the welfare check. Idk what if anything she did. Probably nothing because she is afraid to set him off if he don't agree. Just heard from her, she said they are looking for other options. Said that she has a counselor set up for him, she bought another round of Suboxone refill for him, fed him and asked him to stay with her so she knows he is good and her money wasn't wasted. He agreed, said he was pretty much out of places to go now anyway. Said that he told her to tell me not to give up on him, that is going to go through with treatment. I didn't respond. I'm not putting her in the middle.
  • Hi @Drained1 I’m so glad you are still coming on here and telling us how you are doing, and updating us on what’s going on. Proud of you for recognizing his cycle and staying strong through his attempts of breaking the TPO. I too have found this forum to be very helpful in my being able to better my life & having that support through the difficult decisions has truly helped more than I can say.
    It will get better and your heart will heal even though some of the time it doesn’t feel like it.
    You are amazing and deserve to be happy. Sending you love and positivity :heart:
  • Oh! NO! @Drained! Reading the news about, "call here daily..." has me nervous! We here on the forums have been keeping yours and his situation in prayer and support, that stuff will fall into place, once decisions have been made! You just keep taking care of you and enjoy that concert! Keep the faith!

    @DeanD, some of us ARE early birds, huh?! LOL! It's nice to read your take on all things, @Drained! You give a great male perspective, too! B)
  • For the record, I get up pretty early, too. I just have stuff I have to take care of before I sit down and attack the forum. I'm not a slacker. I swear!
  • @Drained1 Good morning! I hope your evening went well last night... I see some posts are not in order here in this thread (not sure why) not sure if you updated later last night.

    Great about concert! Who are you going to see? Enjoy yourself! You deserve to have an amazing time! :)
  • Hey, just to prove to you all that I can be here early in the morning, too, here I am.

    @Drained1... Let us know how you're doing, my dear. I hope things are good.

    Happy Little Friday (aka Thursday)!!! :)
  • Good morning @DeanD & @dominica I am ok this morning. Excited about the concert tonight. It's Godsmack & Shinedown!!

    Talked with my sister in law this morning. I had to stop talking to her yesterday b/c she just can't say no to him when he asks her to tell me things.... I text her this morning stating again that I'm not out to get him by any means, but that I can NOT respond to her messages of him "wanting me to know...." or anything like that. She sent a msg last night that "he wanted to know if I can send his resume to "K" our neighbor" b/c his company may be hiring him. I didn't even respond. The neighbor called me this morning and asked me to fwd a copy of the resume to him so I did. He did not say "he asked me to contact you" or anything regarding him. But I told my sister in law that anything that would be communicating with him by any means I cannot and will not do, he isn't supposed to do it either and she could get in trouble too if anything progressed. So I told her to please be careful and to please understand that it's not me being cold or being a b**** but it's just what has to happen.

    She did tell me that she laid down rules for him being at her house and told him she is not his crutch and WILL NOT be taken advantage of. That he is more than capable of working so he is not going to be allowed to just lay around and mope while she works. She told him she is not paying his truck payment, his child support or his phone bill. She said that between the gas to take him to treatment (which was a waste of time), buying him cigarettes, buying his Suboxone refill and buying extra groceries she spent close to $300 just yesterday. I assured her that I know b/c I've been doing the same thing for MONTHS. I've been handling everything except his fuel, truck payment, child support and cigarettes (did buy a few packs here and there though).

    Now the truck payment is late, his child support was further behind that I was aware of and continues to get further behind each week, our phone bill is due on the 2nd of the month... on the 1st of Sept I'm removing my number from our family plan and he will be on his own with his phone. I'm going to separate his truck into it's own insurance policy and remove myself from that after the TPO hearing. I was advised to leave everything as it is regarding the "marital property" until after the hearing. Unfortunately, I'm the co-signer on the truck loan.

    She said that he is more broken than she has ever seen him, that he is infatuated with me and keeps crying about me and constantly saying he wants and needs to talk to me, saying how much he loves me. Saying how he knows he messed up and prays it's not too late. Meanwhile..... he is exchanging pictures and his phone number with women, joining every dating site possible. I'm hurt and I'm broken and I don't like being lonely either but I cannot even fathom talking to another man. I didn't even cause this nor did I do anything to be put in the position I'm in and I can't even imagine looking at other men with interest. I'm sorry, maybe I'm old fashioned... but the trust is gone as far as intimacy and whether or not he has been with someone else now as well. I find it disrespectful and yet another slap in the face.
  • @Drained1... Funny (not haha funny) that he's infatuated with you now that you're gone. But when you were there, asking him to change and helping him every possible way you could, he treated you poorly and completely disrespected you.

    I hope your sister-in-law sticks to her guns about not letting your husband take advantage of her. He's a grown man and needs to fend for himself. Buying cigarettes for him? That's bullsh*t IMO. That's his habit...let him pay for it.

    I hope you have a FABULOUS time at the concert tonight! I'm so glad you're getting out and doing something fun with a friend! You sooooooooo deserve this!!!

    Have a great rest of the day! And a terrific time tonight!! :)
  • @DeanD thank you so much!! I was feeling guilty about going to the concert tonight to be honest, like I shouldn't go. Perhaps I was worried about what would be said when I don't come home tonight b/c I'm staying at my friends house afterwards and going to work from there in the morning (she is closer to the event and closer to my office). But I have done and I still am not doing anything wrong!! I am carrying on with life. I am doing things I enjoy for the first time in a VERY long time.

    Talked with my brother in law this morning as well... the one that came over to get his trailer the other day and my husband called while he was there. It was realized that I had a neighbor keeping watch on me pretty much. I did not realize how exactly right I was until this morning. My brother in law said that my husband kept asking "why did ya'll go inside???" ..... wow!! So, he has detailed info coming to him about what I'm doing. Again, it will get boring lol. Anyway, he called me to see if my husband was in treatment b/c he hasn't talked to him. Said the last time they talked he pretty much was completely brutally honest with him and told him exactly how he felt about what was going on and how he was sick of going through this with him as well. That everyone is. That is sob stories don't work anymore for anyone. That was the last he has talked with him.

  • @Drained1 Hey there. I'm so glad that you're getting out and going to that concert you go and enjoy yourself and you are certainly not doing anything wrong. My goodness I'm not sure why people think they should be in charge of how other people live their lives. Meaning your life is yours honey, make of it what you will and do as you wish. I'm thrilled for you!

    I hope no one else will fork out money for him. This really is his opportunity to get himself together and take full responsibility for his life. So I hope no one else does that for him...(aka enable)

    You keep living your life the way you desire and celebrate yourself. I'll be thinking of you tonight and dance for all of us here in the Forum! Sing and dance your butt off! That's so therapeutic!! <3
  • Live your life, @Drained1. And don't worry about what anybody else thinks. It's YOUR life. Period.
  • Good morning everyone. The concert was AMAZING!!!!!!!! I mean.... WOW!!!! So glad I went! However, I'm missing my furbaby really bad this morning so I'm also excited to get home this evening and love on him.

    Today is difficult.... it's my husband's birthday. I can't wish him a happy birthday. I'm at that in between stage of missing him and still being hurt, being freaking angry at him, and just being ready for all of this to be over. So, I'm running on a little less than 4 hours of sleep and I'm emotional too.... gonna be an interesting day
  • @Drained1 hey there. i'm glad you enjoyed the concert. that's wonderful!!

    i bet it is hard for you to not wish him a happy birthday....but know that this is in your best interest...and do try to enjoy today. lack of sleep might cause you to feel a bit more emotional about it all....maybe catch a nap! :)

    try not to let your thoughts run around the cage today... i mean, try not to stay stuck in your head. ground yourself. breathe. BE PRESENT as much as possible.... like we say sometimes, put the thoughts in a box just for today.... you can pick them up later, tomorrow, if you want, but just for today.... box them up and ENJOY today.

    big love your way.
  • @dominica thank you. As always, you said exactly what I needed to hear!

    I talked to my sister in law a little bit a few minutes ago. She said that the Suboxone seems to be helping him but he cries a LOT. I honestly think it may be more of facing reality of everything that his choices has caused rather than just missing me. He does not know how to face and deal with his own feelings or consequences on his own. He really does not. It's actually really sad. His sister agreed. She said he holding on to hope that it's not over with us and she don't have the heart to tell him it's over. I told her that as much as it's gonna hurt I really feel like once he sees that it's truly over with me he will move on quickly to the next person that will coddle him and take care of him and he can have them feel sorry for him. She agreed with that as well. I love him, always will and will never regret our good times. But there is no turning back.

    My sister in law said he has some work to do today but didn't have fuel. Said it's causing a little turbulence between her and her husband b/c of her helping him and coming out of her pocket and that she may have to ask him to go somewhere else. It hurts my heart but again.... HE is the one that put himself in that position. When he is making his choices and blowing through money he is not thinking about the weight it puts on those that love him when he hits bottom and others have to get him back up. I mean, how do you confront that? If he can't drive anywhere b/c he don't have fuel in his truck he can't make money and get a job to get back up on his feet. So.... what do you do????
  • So happy you enjoyed the concert, @Drained1! I bet it was nice to get out and have some fun with a girlfriend. And maybe forget about all the sh*t going on in your life for a bit.

    I'm sure it's not easy with today being your husband's birthday, but try to do like @dominica said and stay in the moment. And remember that what you're doing is the absolute best thing for you.

    I'm not surprised that your sister-in-law is catching some grief from her husband. I mean, it's like they've taken in a boarder...except THEY are paying his rent and expenses. That would irritate me, too. It's obvious that your husband has to get his act together and start fending for himself. He hasn't really been doing that for a while, so it's probably going to be a huge wake-up call for him. But you know what? He's an adult and I'm confident that he'll figure things out. It's amazing what people can do when they HAVE to do it.

    Happy Friday, my friend! Have a great day, try not to fall asleep at your desk, and give that dog of yours two days worth of lovin' when you get home after work! :)
  • @DeanD thank you. Trust me, I plan on loving on my furbaby so much that it gets on HIS nerves hahahahahaha!!!

    My husband left me a voicemail today while I was at lunch. He has sent me two emails. The last one was just moments ago that said "You aren't even going to wish me a happy birthday???" I mean... does he NOT get that I cannot respond to him and that he is not supposed to be contacting me either!!! UGH. He makes it so much harder than it already is.

  • @Drained1... He's trying to push your buttons. Don't get sucked into replying to him, even by text. You don't want to get in trouble!
  • @Drained1 the best thing you can do for him is NOT respond...the best thing your sister-in-law can do for him is NOT give him a dime. it's tough's necessary love... allowing him the opportunity to learn how to fend for himself.

  • @DeanD @dominica I agree with both of you. I stood strong today. He has called again and left another voicemail. My heart hurts for him and my heart hurts for myself too. Addiction is a real B****!! But, again... I'm going to continue to stand strong and do what is best for me.
  • Hi @Drained1 wow it’s like every day there is something else, and every day you come out the other side kicking @$$! I totally feel for you and can definitely relate to the difficulty today brought and I must say how awfully damn proud I am of you! You rock lady!
    I can recall the first post of yours I read. My heart ached for you and the more you shared the more I wanted things to work out for you. You have grown so much and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you gave it everything you could and now are doing what is best for you. That’s a very difficult thing to do and I commend you for your strength and bravery.

    I hope you hubby will use this is his wake up call and get the help he needs. Some addicts will continue to relapse when confronted by their demons and I truly hope he is not one of those people (my mother is though unfortunately and so I have seen firsthand the downward spiral for her over the past 30 years).

    Glad you got out an enjoyed the concert and I hope you have a good weekend. Thinking of you and sending you so much love :heart:
  • I'm glad you're continuing to stand strong, @Drained1.

    Hope you had a good Saturday! :)
  • I am ANGRY this morning. One person can only deal with so much and I am about to absolutely break.

    I woke up yesterday morning to see that my husband had started a Facebook page and commented on a few of the pics of mine that he could see. He also started a new Instagram account and requested to follow me. I blocked him on FB and denied the IG request. I sent his sister a text telling her that something has to give. I've tried to be civil and tried to ONCE AGAIN prevent him from getting in trouble for violating the TPO b/c I'm not out to get him and it hasn't been angry or threatening. But, it's happening. I told her that the dispatcher that informed me he was ok and was served with the TPO is actually a friend of mine and she is on both my facebook and instagram and I'm certain she saw his comments because EVERYONE saw the comments. I had 4 people text me and ask was everything ok b/c they had seen his comments. I told his sister that if he gets in trouble b/c she saw it then it's on him not me but enough is enough.

    Sooo... what does he then do?!?!?! He calls my neighbor across the street (the one that's apparently giving him info on me) and asks if he can come hang out b/c he needs to get out of his sisters house and needs to be around different people. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW! My neighbor called me and asked would I be ok with it and to make sure there would be "no drama". I said "he isn't supposed to be within 500 yards of me..... but he isn't supposed to be calling, leaving voicemails, texting, emailing, leaving notes on my windshield or contacting me through social media BUT HE IS... so WTF ever. Mind you, I haven't heard from ANY of my neighbors since the day we all went to the lake a few weekends ago. I ended up leaving my house and stayed gone until about 10pm last night, came in and went straight to bed. He is pushing me against a wall and I swear I'm over it. I woke up this morning and had two texts from my neighbors asking if I had called the cop or if the music was too loud so I'm guessing someone called the cops? IDK.

    I am just angry this morning. I want this to just be over. I'm considering looking to move away from here when I can. I am over all the games HE is playing with everyone.

    Sorry guys, I just had to vent this morning.

  • @Drained1 Hope your weekend is good!! And that you have a happy sunday!
  • @dominica thank you. I hope it gets better.... Hope you have had a great weekend too.
  • @Drained1... I know it's probably not something you really want to do, but what about reporting him for violating the TPO? I mean, that's what he's doing. And by NOT reporting him, all you're really doing is enabling him. I think he's continuing to do these things because he knows (or thinks) you won't report him, so why not mess with you? The whole point of getting the TPO was to keep yourself safe and keep him away from you. Based on what's been going on, it's almost like you could've just skipped the TPO. Sure, if you wouldn't have done the TPO, he'd probably be at your house bothering you. But what he's doing now is almost as bad, isn't it? He may not be right there with you physically, but he's sure having his way with you mentally. He's trying to push your buttons. And I think it's working.

    Moving away is an option, but do you really want to deal with that? And, more importantly, SHOULD you have to deal with that? Absolutely freakin' not!!!! I know you don't want to cause trouble for him. But he's causing trouble for YOU. So who's peace of mind and sanity is more important? Yours or his? Remember that thing I told I read years ago: If he's on his side and your on his side, who's on YOUR side?? YOU need to be on your side, my dear. You need to report all the stuff he's been doing. And he needs to suffer the consequences of his action. Will he get in trouble? Probably. Will he be angry? Yes. But he has to be held accountable. He can't just keep on making your life miserable....unless you LET him.

    Sorry if my comment seems harsh. I just hate to see you being taken advantage of. He needs to learn that his behavior is not acceptable and has consequences. Period.

    Love ya. <3
  • @DeanD you are so right and I so needed to hear that. I'm forever grateful for your friendship and your honesty and advice
  • Oh, and I took another huge step today. I replaced all the pictures throughout the house of me and him with pics of the kiddos or my furbaby. I can't move forward if I'm looking back. It hurt. But I can't keep wishing things were different and I can't keep going through all of the "what if's" minute by minute.
  • Good morning all. I talked with my sister in law last night. I told her that I assumed she said something to him b/c I had not heard directly from him all weekend. She said that she told him to just stop contacting me for his own good. That he was going overboard and taking advantage of my kindness of not reporting but that anyone that was aware of the situation and saw that he had contacted me on FB by commenting could report it and reminded him that I had several law enforcement friends. (my ex is a cop) She told him to move on, to let go... that there was no hope of me giving in. She said he has been taking classes on how to be a better husband, better father, how to stop lying. Keep in mind... she has the softest heart EVER, esp when it comes to her brother and I totally understand but she gets taken advantage of a lot b/c of it. She said that she couldn't handle watching him cry all the time about missing me and hoping that I would give him the chance to prove himself one more time knowing that it wasn't going to happen so she just told him. I'm glad she did, but like I told her he needs to continue whatever classes he is doing for HIMSELF and his children. To better himself as a person. She said she told him that too.

    So, a little back story on my husband.... when he was with his ex it came to light that he had cheated on her for 2 years!!! He was with another woman that worked in the office where he worked and apparently she had no clue he was with his ex. He was talking about marrying her, going to family functions with her, etc. Well, one night his ex went out with a bunch of her friends for an event and just happened to run into this other woman. Knowing her from his job, his ex said hello and started a conversation. It all came to light.... they BOTH called and confronted him. This lady told his ex after all that and after his ex kicked him out that she did not want him as far as a serious relationship b/c she was hurt and would never trust him but would always be down for "sexual relations" with him. I tell you guys that to get to this..... he has gotten back in touch with this lady. I showed his ex that he they were following each other on Instagram and she called me. She said that if he was back in contact that she could 99% guarantee they will be physical if not already had been. Said they never could stay away from each other even after everything came to light. That was the official ending of their relationship b/c she couldn't deal with that on top of everything else he was doing as far as drugs. She had tried just like I had to be helpful with getting him help with his addiction but said that was the line drawn right there... that's when she SAW how he had been playing her and her emotions.

    Sorry, guess I just need to vent. I'm sorry you guys have to be the ones to read my rants lol ANYWAY.... I have all my divorce papers in order. I plan on filing this week. I can't remember if I posted this previously but I have a former cop friend that has become a process server for the courts and she can serve court documents. I have decided to go that route rather than through the Sheriff's Dept in order to not stir up any chaos for my sister in law as far as having cop cars at her house. They are renting and their landlord is right across the street from them and is NOT an easy man to get along with. He gets on to them for every little thing (kids bikes being left in the yard, cars on the grass if they have company, etc.) so I don't want to "stir the pot" for them with this. It's going to cost me a little more than through the Sheriff's dept but out of respect for my sister in law I'm just going to do it.

    @DeanD @dominica @blueorchid Thank you all for your continued support and for checking on me through the weekend. Love you all!
  • @Drained1... I'm glad he's stopped contacting you. I hope the silence continues. But if it doesn't, you know what you have to do.

    I'm also happy to hear that your husband is taking classes and trying to better himself. That's a good thing for him and his kids. Let's hope he keeps it up.

    I know you're going through a lot. But I'm proud of you for taking steps to move on. Replacing the pictures was definitely a step forward. Good for you!

    I hope this week is a good one for you. I'm wishing nothing but good things for you, and pray that the drama goes on hiatus this week. Filing those papers will be tough, I'm sure, but it's another step toward better things for you. And that's huge.

    Lots of love and hugs coming your way on this Monday! <3
  • Thank you @DeanD Yes filing is going to be hard. But it is also necessary. I'm the most worried about facing him in court for the TPO hearing honestly.
  • @Drained1 Thank you for the update! I hope that you were able to enjoy a quieter weekend, not really hearing from him. I agree with Dean that if he continues to violate the TPO, then it's best that you report it. I know this will be challenging, but we all know that this man has got to learn that there are consequences for his actions.

    Sounds like you're doing pretty good and getting things in order. I am believing that the worst is behind you, and though it may be challenging seeing him in court, that may be what you need for some closure and to really feel lighter.....FREE.

    I hope that you have a quiet week and also a wonderful week. Super proud of you for standing your ground and moving on with your life. I know it's been challenging and I'm sure you've had days were you wonder all sorts of things, and I'm super glad that we've been able to offer you support the entire way. Sending big hugs!
  • @Drained1... I think the fact that you're most worried about facing him in court for the TOP hearing is exactly the reason why you NEED the TPO.

    More hugs.
  • I was actually thinking what @DeanD said yesterday (oops I hit send after midnight so now it was two days ago) regarding reporting him... I am glad he had since stopped contacting you, however if he does it again, I side with Dean here and say report him. He is selfishly taking away your right to peace and it's not fair. You have been overly civil and accommodating @Drained1 and it is not your responsibility to make his life easier, but to take care of you. You are an amazing and kind soul and deserve to be treated with respect. You have done nothing wrong here, he has!
    Sorry I hope that didn't come out wrong, I know you are trying to do your best with what is going on, and I truly respect and admire you. I think I am getting a bit triggered by the way he is behaving and treating you. I appreciate you and feel you only deserve to be treated with the upmost respect!!

    Love you and proud of you for your strength through all this. Glad to be able to help you along your journey!
  • @Drained1... Hit us up with an update when you have time, my friend. :)
  • @Drained1 Good morning! I see that the comments on this thread are getting jumbled I think because of the number of comments. @Drained1 Perhaps you can start a new thread and then we could close this one out......
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