In need of some support ☹️

I want some support with my drinking and this website looks so welcoming and successful. My drinking has become more frequent I’d say in the last year and I feel I am dependent on it. I guess it started with my last relationship which was extremely toxic and I formed a habit of fault drink log which has infortunatly stuck with me despite being in a very happy relationship that I am currently in. My relationship at the moment is very up and down and I believe this is due to my drinking. When we first met we would go out together quite often get drunk and have a great time but as our relationship progressed I starting loving him and becoming more paranoid, angry, jealous when I would be drunk. It got to the point that he would begin to comment he doesn’t like the person I become under the influence and I’m moody always. (Which I am) we decided to stop for a month together as.nd I failed 2 weeks in and didn’t tell him then when I did he was extremely disappointed in me. He has also found mini bottles of wine in my handbag which I’m extremely embarrassed about and I’ve denied denies denied...obviously he’s understandably tired of hearing me every week that I’m gonna quit when I clearly don’t and said he doesn’t believe or that a word I say. That breaks my gears as I don’t want to be this drunk girlfriend who blacks out frequently and expect him to be ok with that. I know I’m such a better person without it but sometimes I’m ok and we have a great time. But I will admit to myself I am like a ticking one bomb I’ll go one way or another and I know I can’t risk that behaviour anymore as he’s the best relationship I have had however people don’t understand it’s not as easy to just stop when I am so dependent. I cannot moderate which I am gutted about that I can never be a normal social drinker I always have to have 10 glasses of wine, let’s face it she has one with a meal?? The other issue I have is I use alcohol to self medicate as I feel anxious and no self confidence without it. I understand alcohol is actually what has take. Away all of that but how can I get it back without this crutch? And even though I know 110% my relationships will improve I still worry that I will just end up boring and resent people who want to go out or drink around me ☹️ Stuck in a cycle...I just long to be free, confident. Wealthy, clear headed, happy and beat this vile drug. I would really appreciate any support or tips on how to cope with the extreme cravings I have when I do try and quit.
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  • Welcome to the forum, @Jola. I'm sad to hear that you're struggling with alcohol, but very happy that you found us, reached out, and want to quit. That's a huge first step and I'm proud of you for taking it.

    The first question I have for you is: Does your boyfriend still drink? It doesn't really matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, I'm just curious what his current status is.

    It sounds to me like total abstinence would be the best thing for you. There are a lot of people who can just drink socially. Unfortunately, though, once you've struggled with alcoholism, it's incredibly difficult to just dial your drinking back to "socially." It's the old "One is too many and a thousand is never enough" thing.

    I think it would do you a world of good to find an addiction specialist and consult with them. They can assess your individual situation and recommend the best next steps for you. That could include rehab (inpatient or outpatient), support group meetings, counseling, etc. Would you be willing to do those things in order to get sober?

    If you'd rather start "slow," maybe finding an AA or SMART Recovery meeting in your area and attending it would be a good beginning. Being amongst others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling can not only be very helpful, but comforting as well.

    Self-medicating with alcohol to get rid of anxiety and other feelings is a very common thing. That's one reason why counseling can be so helpful when quitting. So often, our feelings and addictions stem from underlying causes we may or may not be familiar with. A good therapist can help us discover, confront, and overcome those issues, which makes quitting a bit easier.

    There are a lot of people in this community who have been where you are and can offer you some great insight and advice. For example, I'm guessing @Leaker will see your post and weigh in with his usual words of wisdom.

    We are all here to help and support you however we can. If you want advice, have questions, or just want to get things off your chest, you can come here anytime you'd like. We will always listen...and never judge you. You are not alone and you are safe here.

    I am sending you a huge batch of positive vibes, and even more encouragement and hope. You can overcome your dependence on alcohol. I know you can. You just have to be willing to make the commitment and do the hard work necessary to find sobriety. Will it be easy? Nope. But I can guarantee it will be incredibly worth it. And we are happy to accompany you on your journey.

    Big hugs. Thanks again for sharing. I'm proud of you.
  • @Jola Hello there and welcome to the Forum! I'm super glad you're here and that you're wanting to quit drinking. I understand not wanting to quit, as it's become quite a friend to you, but I prefer to look at it as a foe ;)

    I have come to find many people who don't drink at all anymore. They simply enjoy their life being sober. I find this all sorts of age ranges and groups too, like the yoga Community or the athletic Community or the church community and so on. I think maybe it's starting to surround yourself with non-drinkers or those who might drink rarely. If your boyfriend's drinking is going to be tempting for you, maybe have a talk with him about him giving it up for a while. It sounds like he will.

    I think if whatever you're doing right now isn't working, it's time to try something different. Maybe start educating yourself on alcoholism and Recovery, try AA meeting or smart recovery meeting. Make an appointment with a counselor and maybe you can begin to deal with any underlying issues. You mentioned that you were like a time-bomb, so maybe you've got some emotions or issues underneath the surface that need to be dealt with.

    It's going to take some work, but you can overcome alcohol dependence. And if you slip up, get back up and start again. Recovery is a zig-zagging path with ups and downs, and remember that it's progress you're after and not perfection. And while it might seem like you're giving up something, you really are gaining a whole lot more. Sobriety is what you make it, and life is what you make it. I used to have huge anxiety problems around people, but I've worked on that issue for years now and it is so much better. I believe that you can get there too.

    Know that we're here for you anytime and I hope to keep seeing you around.
  • Really @DeanD? Really? I'm that predictable? Well, yeah, I guess I am.

    @jola, welcome. You are correct that this is a great forum with a lot of success stories. Now, the beauty of it all is that there is no magic to the success, it is just the result of hard work and determination. Those success stories are just people like you, but a few more months along on the journey to recovery.

    @DeanD gave you some great advice and things to start to get you thinking. That is the key. One has to really think about the situation. It often involves some very tough and uncomfortable conversations with the person in the mirror. It also involves challenging some things that one might have taken for granted for years. Assumptions that seem so true, but really aren't. Plus, revisiting and adjusting those ideas as one gets a better understanding of what does and doesn't work.

    I'll also echo what @dominica said about learning and also trying different things. Explore the options available. There is no one way to stop drinking, and something that one never even considered might actually be the key to recovery.

    Finally, don't be afraid of where the journey takes you. It will have some setbacks and stumbles, but the difference between a failure and a setback is whether someone learns from the situation, and gets a little better. Don't be afraid of that abstinence word either. I was terrified of it too. But, in my own recovery I learned that I didn't need alcohol in my life, and once I accepted that, I had a successful recovery and now it seems weird to think about drinking again.

    As long as you are committed, determined, and have the ability to find the tools that work for you, you will be able to apply them to your recovery and be the person YOU want to be. Not just for your boyfriend, or the relationship, but for YOU!

    Keep the faith!
  • @Leaker... Yes. :)
    @Jola... Leaker has given you some fabulous insight and advice. I hope his words resonate with you. Let us know how you're doing today, okay? We're here for you.
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