Love Addicts

A while ago I attended a meeting that resembled A.A but it was for love addicts. I realize at that time that I had a problem. They said that the Love we need comes from God (Higher Power). I'm always trying to please others and have hard time saying no. I feel like a carpet and unheard. It's hard to be "here" I daydream a lot of what I would like my life to be rather than enjoying what I have infront of me.
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  • @libretos121

    i am a recovering love addict...i went to codependent's anonymous for a has taken me years to get to a point where i no longer consider myself codependent...i am able to have healthy relationships because i have a healthy relationship with me.

    it took me years though of attending meetings, devouring books on codependency, seeing a counselor, working the steps, and just being very determined to grow stronger....i had zero self worth and was in a toxic relationship....getting out of that was the best thing for me...and enjoying a period of time single to focus on falling in love (and dating) ME.

    i want to encourage you that you can grow in all sorts of ways...learn to set heard when you want to be heard...feel strong and is a journey though and it does take some time and effort...but totally possible.

    are you going to keep attending meetings???
  • I really want to go back to attending meetings. I feel I am still co dependant. Whatever m partner treats me like is how my worth and feelings are. he treats me like dirt I feel like dirt. he is nice, I feel nice. It's a bad cycle. I want to try and get out there more and make healthy friends. Like joining a church and stuff. @dominica I really need to do hings on my own. I am doing all his homework and he doesn't appreciate it. I wait for him on money. Yeah, I need to go back. LOL I do want to start reading more too. You know things that will help me grow as a person? Do have any book recomendations?
  • @libretos121  thanks for sharing!  yes, meetings will help's great that you recognize your dependence on your partner...this is the first step toward freedom.  step one of codependent's anonymous is:
    "We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable."
    Once you admit this, you can then move onto the next step...and so on.

    There are many great books! Melody Beattie books are great "Codependent No More" was a great read. Check out too. Also, there is codependent's anonymous website  I watched a lot of YouTube videos on the topic. Ross Rosenberg is my favorite guy to listen to on YouTube. His book "The Human Magnet Syndrome" is wonderful!  

    When you start educating yourself on codependency, you'll find that you feel more empowered. You don't have to depend on someone else for you happiness. You can learn to become independent and secure.  If I could do it, anyone can. Trust me on that!!

    But it takes some work and you've got to make some changes. Setting and keeping boundaries is huge! And it doesn't always go over well.

    I would recommend meetings and get yourself a sponsor. My sponsor helped me so much in those early months...

    Does this help?
  • libretos121   i had the same problem, men treated me like dirt, because they knew I had such a low self-esteem and didn't really feel worth it.  I really recommend you to work on your self-esteem, love yourself more, learn to say no.  

    I actually accepted to help a friend yesterday with something I just can't do now, because it requires a lot time, i am going to tell him tomorrow I just can't do it now, he has to wait until I am done with my exams... Sometimes you just got to love yourself more, I guess I need to take my own advice and talk to that friend tomorrow.  I have no time for this, not now. 
  • To be honest, I never needed other people's love. We were only me, myself, and I. I could never care less about others' opinion on me, and I still am a loner to this day. These being said, I was never a "love addict".

    But one of my high school classmates was, she was always hugging people and I remember wearing spiked bracelets not to receive her affection. She seemed sad though. 
  • A love addiction can translate into a need for attention, a person who heeds acceptance from the others otherwise he/she becomes unfulfilled. It's a pretty bad behavior problem, and one that needs to be fixed ASAP otherwise you won't be able to be happy when people aren't nearby.
  • Love releases a lot of oxytocin. Many other natural occurring drugs appear dependant on the type of relationship. Even love, the more beautiful thing there is can be harmful. Learn to love yourself, you are all you need. Social contact is nice but is not always available, but you are always available for yourself.
  • When I was in my teens I always wanted to be with friends, never been without a boyfriend, always need someone to talk to, as if trying to fill up something that's missing in my life with the life of others. Now that I am all grown up with a kid, I have learned to tell the difference between being self-insecure and self-satisfied.
  • Last year I finally pried myself out of a 5 year toxic relationship. And in that moment i realized for the first time that i actually had boundaries and they deserved to be heard.
    i always thought i loved myself, but a string of emotionally abusive relationships proved that i didnt even know how to see my authentic self much less love him. it took a lot of journaling, reading and self work but im happy to say that life is significantly better on the other side.
    it still makes me sweaty when people try to strong arm me out of my boundaries, but i feel a inner calm and determination to keep them. its all working!

    one question i do have to add to the mix specifically to @dominica but also to anyone that broke free of toxic relationships: do you have any sort of relationship with that person/people anymore?

  • I guess it really does start with learning to love yourself. Realize that YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. Never settle for less, talk to someone who loves and supports you realize that a healthy relationship isn't supposed to make you feel bad about yourself. Being romantic is ok but keep grounded too. Keep on keeping on'. 
  • @shovelandhoe  good question. no, i do not.  there was some animosity for about a year...then we did connect several times to sort of "clean things up" the way of being cordial and having a conversation about things...but i choose not to be in communication with this she is not in a spot in life that i can feel good about. not a healthy spot...

    it's great you broke free! i can totally relate and yes, self-love feels good!  i worked hard on learning how to set boundaries and honor my wants and needs in a relationship!! i'm also careful who i allow into my life.....i go into friendships and relationship conscious...awake..aware...

  • @dominica. Thanks for the great feedback. and its awesome to hear you listened to yourself and did what was healthiest for you. i ask because though im not in contact with this ex currently, we live in a small community and im beginning to feel pressure from my community, or maybe its just myself, to reconnect. And i dont want to! Perhaps itd be beneficial to attempt, again, to make peace. but ive done that numerous times, and something always goes "wrong" and she ends up mad at me again and i just dont want to deal with any of that again.

    so i feel validated hearing that others like you have consciously chosen to stay away for your own self care.

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