Still I rise

Hello to all warriors out there. I had a relapse in my recovery with alchoholism. Would not recommend;) Now, when I look back it’s hard to describe exactly how it happened. It’s kind of like when you hear of people with severe depression that finally find meds that work and they are feeling better than they ever have and then they say to themselves “I am fixed now, I can stop taking my meds”. Only to stop taking their meds and slowly spiral back down into pain. Why do we trick ourselves in this cruel way? Why after 4 mos of sobriety and feeling better than ever would I go back to the thing that has destroyed me? Maybe we are afraid of our own power? Maybe I didn’t get deep enough to the root? Maybe we just want to feel “normal”?

I took my eye off the prize. I let my addiction slip back behind me, instead of keeping it in front, in the light. I thought it had left the building, but it was right behind me plotting, breathing down my back, ready for its return.

So here I am. The good news, my redeeming quality-I don’t quit. I have hope. I believe.

Just like moons and like suns
With the certainty of tides
Just like hopes springing high
Still I’ll rise
-maya angelou
  • 6 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @Orlean81 I think we trick ourselves because we want to believe we somehow got cured. We're somehow like the rest of them. We mistakenly look at addiction as a broken leg to be mended, not a condition like diabetes to be constantly monitored.
    You didn't take your eye off the prize because there is no prize. There is no finish line. There is no trophy. There is just the journey and you're still on it. Use what happened as a fact-gathering mission and move forward smarter than you were before.
  • @Orlean81 Hey there! Thank you for sharing your update. I'm happy to hear that despite your relapse, you're back on the sobriety path with a lot of Hope. We may never really know why a relapse happens, but there will always be an opportunity to pursue on with more determination. To keep digging in and doing the work...whatever way that works for you.

    Kudos to you for getting up and starting again. Surely, this is but a reminder that alcohol and you are not a good mix. And that's fine! After all, there's not really any value in booze... it's like a poison ;)

    Hope to keep seeing you around here and again, thank you for sharing that
  • Beautiful post, @Orlean81. Thank you for your honesty and words of wisdom. I'm glad you don't quit. And that you have hope. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith. You can get on track again. And this time, you'll be wiser along the way. <3
  • @JoshuaShea-your words ring true. I think i did view my addiction as something that could be cured, like there was an end game, a promise land awaiting. But, I learned this year that this is just a part of me. So I am working on ways to keep this part of me in the light, in front-so I don’t lose track. Any thoughts or ideas on that from anyone I am open to:)
  • @DeanD and @dominica thank you for still being here with open arms! ❤️
  • Sure thing, @Orlean81. I'm proud of you!!! :)
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