New Year, New Beginnings

Today is my last work day of 2018.... it has been a year full of chaos, hurt, pain, turmoil, fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, questions and a lot of changes for me. I can say I've pretty much experienced every emotion there is to experience throughout 2018.

This morning, I saw two quotes that just completely capture where I am right now in my life:
"gather up all your scattered dreams & build the life you love"

"When you finally learn that a person's behavior has more to do with their own internal struggle than it ever did with you.... you learn GRACE"

Guys, I'm leaving 2018 with GRACE. I have forgiven my now ex-husband in my own way. I never got to have a final goodbye, I never got closure in a way I felt I needed to. I may get that opportunity one day, but I am at peace right now. I understand that he battles addiction, and that this is his fight not mine. I now understand that there is NOTHING I can do to "save" him from his battles. My heart hurts for him and I hate the person that addiction has made him but he is the only one that can stop his downward spiral. I just pray he finds peace with himself and is strong enough to get the help he needs and stick to it before anything further bad happens to him. He has burned every bridge with all of his siblings, with his children, with his closest and most supportive friends, and most of his extended family at this point. He has caused an accident that resulted in the death of an innocent person and broke the hearts of that whole family. He is likely facing prison time due to this. He shattered my heart & tore our marriage apart.

This time last year I never would have imagined the hell that was to come. But it happened. And, I survived and I became a stronger and better person because of it. 2019 is going to be a year of finding me, finding who I am and building a life I love. And moving on, whatever that consists of lol. I am going to use my experiences to HELP others that are going through what I have gone through and have so many questions and are living in a world of chaos due to the addiction of loved ones. I am going to try new things that I have never done... I'm going to go on adventures and just live. I'm going to become a grandma in April. I have so much to look forward to.

I want to wish each and every one of you a very Happy New Year and thank you for your support and encouragement this past year. I have made some of the closest friends that have been there for me in my darkest hours on this forum. There are many moments that I don't know what I would have done had I not been able to reach out for support here. I am forever grateful!

@dominica @DeanD @tiredmom @blueorchid @JoshuaShea
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  • @Drained1 i'm glad to hear your optimism! and that you are ending the year with grace..... you've had a year for sure, and you also have grown in so many ways.... i'm truly proud of you...and grateful to know you.

    may we all have better 2019..... be blessed and continue to grow and evolve while we are here on this planet. sending you so much love....good wishes...and big hug!

    happy new year!
  • I love that you said 2019 will be a year you find yourself @Drained1 You have come so far and been through so much in the past year. Your plans for adventures and just living is awesome. I have a good feeling you are going to build a beautiful life for yourself. You truly deserve it. And I am happy for you that you were able to find GRACE. I think I could use some of that about now myself. Hope you are having a great day!
  • @Drained1... Love you. And am soooo proud of you. You faced so much adversity in 2018, but you overcame it because you've grown so much. It's been so wonderful watching you change and grow stronger. I know 2019 will be a badass year for you!

    “Grace means you’re in a different universe from where you had been stuck, when you had absolutely no way to get there on your own.” -Anne Lamott
  • @Drained1 You'e had a hell of a story to follow in 2018. I'm sure 2019 will be a little less action-packed...and I mean that in a good way. You faced the sad truth many who love addicts eventually must. In some ways, it feels like giving in and becoming a statistic, but in reality, it's setting yourself free and allowing yourself to have the life you deserve. I don't think you need to make too many resolutions for 2019. You more than paid the price in 2018...but we both know you're better for it.
  • I came here late, but I wish you a fantastic year and lots of love!!! You deserve to be free.
  • How are you @Vicbrenan ?? Haven't seen you post on your post lately. Hope you are good.
  • @Drained1 You have a warrior mentality and been through so much! Prayers and strength for you to heal and may you have the best year of your life in 2019! Great attitude!! Live your life healthy and toxic free! You deserve happiness!!
  • Hello @JoshuaShea You are right on point. @Drained1 did alot to better her life in 2018. Her story can be an inspiration to others in similar situations. She could be the poster woman of women who make the choice to let go of the toxicity and find strength to better their lives instead of trying to save another.
  • good morning. I hope each and every one of you had a wonderful New Year! I took a break from emails over the long weekend and I am just not getting all of the notifications. My New Year was great. I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and support. It's a new year... I am a new person and I plan on using all of my chaos from 2018 to help others in the coming year.

    I got a facebook message from my ex's brother on Sunday afternoon saying that he had somehow seen a post that I made on facebook and he was talking crap about a few of the comments. He just wanted me to be aware that he was still "creeping" on my page, wasn't trying to stir the pot. I knew exactly which post he was referring to. I made the post public because it was an article that put everything I had been feeling and been through because of him into words. I never got to give him my letter and likely never will. But the article I posted.... it was just perfect. I told his brother that I hope he read the article and that it was the closest I was going to get to closure and that I could care less about how he felt about some of the comments. That if he don't like it he shouldn't be looking at my page. It was such a nice experience to not have instant anxiety, or to feel as though I shouldn't have left it public. I didn't feel guilty. It was very freeing. His brother and I have talked a few times on fb messenger but I've pretty much stepped away from all of his siblings... although none of them are talking to him anymore either, I just needed to step away and clear my head and heart if that makes sense. We all wished each other a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, but not really much more in a while.

    I was at church on Sunday morning. There was a man there that stood and shared about his 2018. His year started in a jail cell.... he is a recovering addict. Has been clean 3 years and has taken and continues to take steps to remain that way. He now has a place of his own, his own vehicle, is starting a better job. His life has changed is so many ways and he said that prison time saved him from his "downward spiral". He shared his story and I was in tears as he spoke. I realized at that moment that this stranger's story could very possibly be my ex-husband's story one day. I know this sounds a little warped, but I am hoping that prison time saves his life. I know that 2019 is going to be the year that his whole entire life is changed. He is going to have to face the reality that he took an innocent person's life in that accident. He is going to have to face the reality that he has burned many bridges with people that once would have done anything for him. He has forever altered his relationship with his children and his siblings.

    But, that's all for him to sort out and work through. As for me, I am working on me. I have already began to pinpoint areas in my life that I need to work on. Feelings and emotions that I've pushed in rather than working through in a few different areas of my life. I want to be the best ME possible. I have a niece that is going through exactly what I just went through, it's heartbreaking to see it from where I am now. When I was going through it, it was just a chaotic blur. But I am thankful that I can use my experiences to be able to sincerely say " I get it, I know what you are feeling"

    I am going to end this with a portion of a message my niece sent me.... THIS is why I am not taking my experiences for granted... this is why I am going to continue to grow and continue to help others as well:
    "I have to admit, I'm kind of jealous. Well, not even really jealous... I look up to you for breaking the cycle and for being the person you deserve to be. Not just for going back to church but for seeing you go through all of this crap this past year and making it out on the other side. And while you had your own battle roaring, you still have been here for me and have been honest and vulnerable about it all. You were still helping me and being a strength in my life when you felt you were at your weakest. You are one of the strongest women I know."

  • @Drained1 hey there. super glad your new year is off to a great start!! may this year be super amazing on all levels. thanks for sharing your journey here with us. such an inspiration for sure.....

    you are breaking a cycle...and along with you, we do hope and pray that your ex can get the help he needs and turn his life around....

    sending big love your way!
  • I don't think it's warped at all @Drained1 , that you hope prison time changes his life. Hopefully it will. I'm glad you are looking forward to your own healing and want to be the best person you can be. And it's great you are able to be of some help with your niece. It seems like she really is looking up to you and I am sure your own strength will be an inspiration to her. It's really wonderful you want to help and be supportive of others. I know that when we see what others are going through we are seeing things from the outside and can see more clearly their situations, which in turn can help us see our own more clearly. At least that is how it works for me. You are definitely on the road to a much happier and healthier life, and I am so glad for you.
  • I'm glad your ex saw that post, @Drained1. I hope he read the article. And I hope he gets whatever help he truly needs ASAP. Hope your new year is the best one yet. :)
    And I'm sorry about your Dawgs. :(
  • Thank you @DeanD !!! so thankful for you and your support in 2018!! And..... the Dawgs..... smh..... not quite sure where they were but they didn't show up
  • Guys..... I have been in my current position in my work place for 2 years now. I've become close friends with many of my coworkers and the ones closest to me all have gone through this past year and all of the ups and downs in my life with me. Just now I was sitting at the front desk talking to my friend that is the receptionist during my last few moments of my lunch break. Another gentleman coworker was standing there and we were talking about my life and how many changes have happened this past year. He knew bits and pieces of it but he travels a lot for our company so he is kind of out of the loop as to the pure chaos that has happened. My friend stated how proud she was of me for where I am now and all I've gone through making so much stronger even when I couldn't see how strong I was being. I told her that all I needed to work on now was me. The gentleman standing there began to talk about how he remembers the day he made the decision to change for himself. He began talking about how addiction to drugs had consumed his life and he spent in total 11 years in prison due to his actions while letting addiction control him. I was floored ya'll! This man was opening up and it was yet another person this week stating right in front of me how prison saved his life from addiction. He was talking about how he stole from people, stole vehicles, did whatever it took to obtain his next high and never saw how much he was hurting those that loved him. He knew deep down he had a good heart and was a good man with the potential to have a good life but he did not know how to stop the madness in his life. It consumed him. Literally, he said one day in prison he broke. He said nothing in particular happened to cause it.... he was just done with it. I know I will never have the ability to go through this again with my ex-husband as far as a relationship, but I will always want better for him and always have a spot in my heart for him and these two stories from these men this week have given me hope for him and his future. His ex and I were talking just yesterday and she has said that her daughter has been struggling with not knowing what to say or how to react to his craziness in texts or phone calls. They decided.... his ex, his daughter and her stepdad together as a unit.... that she was going to respond to him instead of ignoring him as long as he is not being stupid. But she is going to respond with positive responses... even if it's just "I love you daddy, I'm sorry you're having a bad day" If she doesn't feel that she needs to continue the conversation beyond that, she isn't going to. They want to try to lift him up. We all want better for him. I know all of this may sound cheesy to you guys, but I really feel so positive and peaceful right now in my life.... and I feel good about this decision they made as well.
  • Sounds like his ex, daughter, and her stepdad made a good decision, @Drained1. I hope they're able to lift up your ex and help him find his way to a better place. I will say a prayer for everyone.

    And yeah, it's weird how you've encountered multiple examples of how prison has helped people just this week. Could be a good sign from above, me thinks!

    Happy Little Friday!!! :)
  • @Drained1 I think that is the best way to respond to him also. Saying something positive to him may help to calm his own thoughts and behavior. I never wanted to be intentionally mean to my ex, even though he probably deserved it. Even though we divorced I always wanted him to have a good life. I held a special place in my heart for him throughout my entire life and only wished for the best for him. He was my first love and definitely the most intense love I ever had. At times he was an absolute nightmare, but I knew he was sick and I always felt bad about that. I do think your ex will find himself if he goes to prison. He will still need people in his life who love and care about him. This could be what will change him for the better. I think someone up above wants you to feel some comfort and this could be a message for you.
  • @DeanD & @tiredmom i am definitely taking it as a sign from above for comfort. I would love to be able to share all of this directly with him but that door will likely never reopen, especially not right now. I am at peace in so many ways in my life right now and that just added to it.
  • @Drained1 that is cool that you encountered 2 men that have changed their lives due to prison time... and yes, we believe with you that your ex can change too!! i'm glad to hear you are peaceful and happier!!
  • @Drained If you remember, about a month ago my son was using again and was going downhill fast. I tried to convince him to hand over his drugs or I was going to call the police. He didn't give me everything he had and I decided to stop allowing him to get away with everything. Anyway, he was charged with possession and today he had a preliminary hearing. The D.A. was pretty tough on him and he end up offering him 3 years probation. He is going to have more charges coming for wrecking his car. I don't know how he is going to do it, or he is going to end up in jail. At this point he has had no consequences for anything. So if he goes to jail then that could be a good thing. So far he has been clean for 34 days, but is struggling with post acute withdrawal that could last for months or a year. He has no energy. So I told him he can deal with his low energy at home in his cozy room or a jail cell.
  • @tiredmom I do remember that. I'm sorry you have all had to go through that again! But perhaps, like my ex-husband, it's time to face consequences for the first time. My ex has never had to face any, and never been alone or to where someone wasn't able to help him get back up on his feet. The fact that the DA here is taking so long to press charges makes me believe they may have a good amount on my ex and want a tight case. My guess is that he will eventually be charged with vehicular homicide, dui, failure to maintain lane, speeding and perhaps even possession if they found what his brother and I found in the truck. Again, that's just assuming I am correct in thinking he was messed up.... which ALL signs lead me to believe that is the case.

    The Georgia State Patrol is investigating the accident... they have what is called a SCRT Team & SCRT report and his accident was STILL being investigated as of the week before Christmas. Here is what the website states about this:
    "The mission of the Georgia State Patrol Specialized Collision Reconstruction Team (SCRT) is to provide a means by which fatal crashes can be investigated thoroughly by specially trained investigators and properly document evidence in collisions to be used for successful court prosecution."

    I'm frustrated that it's taking so long for something to be done or to AT LEAST find out for sure what caused the accident. I think that once I know for sure, I will be able to fully close all doors to 2018.

    @tiredmom please keep me posted on how you and your son are both doing!
  • That is pretty interesting regarding the SCRT Team @Drained1 . The part I don't get is how it says they investigate thoroughly, yet you guys found a bottle and a phone that they apparently didn't take? I guess it makes me wonder if they even searched for anything in the car. I guess they know what they are doing though, but it is taking a long time, isn't it. I think it will definitely be good for you to have that closure also. Hope you're having a good day.
  • @tiredmom I know they did search it because the search warrant was in the seat of the truck when his brother and I went there after it was released and you could tell that everything had been gone through as far as all his papers and bags of clothes. I asked a cop friend (my 1st husband was a cop.... as ironic as that is lol and I still have a few friends that I had when he and I were together) why his phone and the pill bottle and a pill was all still in his truck after being searched. She told me that sometimes if they have found more than enough they will sometimes just stop the search. Kind of like, if someone breaks into a house and kills someone they aren't going to spend time focused on the break in when they have all the evidence they need regarding murder. If that makes sense. I get it, but it still seems they would have gotten EVERYTHING. She said they could extract all info from his phone and leave it there, that was common. I hope they did search it good and did find what needed to be found. I'm just ready to get some closure from that for sure. I'm sure the other family is as well.

    I'm doing good, having a good day so far. I'm going on an adventure tomorrow!! @dominica & @DeanD you two will be proud of me. We used to have a bluetick that my ex hunted and I spoiled lol When all this happened time before this, I moved into where I am. When he moved in with me we decided to give our dog back to the breeder we got him from b/c my place just isn't what he needed and my ex needed to focus on himself and working through everything and wasn't going to have time to spend on him like he needed. ( the dog LOVES to hunt!! ) Anyway, I've always kept in touch with the gentleman and we have actually become friends over the years. He is a Dad figure to me and he thinks of me as a daughter. He has kept in touch with me and checked on me throughout all of this past year. When he got our dog back, he was aware of the reason why we had to give him back so when it happened again he was upset for me. Last Saturday I went and saw them both at a bench show/hunt about 1.5 hrs away from my house. I loved every moment!!
    It was wonderful to get away and do something different. It was a freeing feeling.
    Anyway, the dog met all requirements this year to register for the BIG hunt ... it's the hunt of all hunts. They registered him and are there with him now. It's all weekend long. But, I am leaving early tomorrow morning and going out there to spend the day... it's in SC and will take me 3 hrs to get there but I'm super excited about the day!! It's a huge event and another friend that I used to spend time with a lot is also going to be there. I had a friend invite me over to their house this Saturday and I told her "I can't, I'm going on an adventure. I'm living life and doing things that I want to do!" I am so happy to be at this point in my journey. It may seem dumb or small but to me it's adding to my peace.
  • That sounds super exciting @Drained1 ! I am sure you are going to have a great time. Damn girl, you really do have a lot of great people in your life looking out for you! I'm not surprised though, as I can sense you have an awesome personality and are the kind of person people would want to be friends with. So glad you are doing things for you and are finding peace too!
  • @Drained1 And I just want to remind you, jail (or prison) is not always a bad thing. While I think I turned the corner on my recovery before I was sentenced, it was - and still is - a big deterrent from me doing something stupid again. While probation hasn't been too rough for me, I've seen a lot of people who have a harder time with it than they do the jail time.
    Yes, jail sucks, and I don't think I would have gone back to my addictive vices had I only been given probation - but it does allow for long, quiet stretches of contemplation. I couldn't handle them all, so I started writing them down. Other guys do a lot of talking. There are very few people, at least where I was, who couldn't wait to hit the streets and get back into drinking, robbing or whatever else put them there. Most talked about turning things around. It's like the worst-run rehab in the world that way.
    I'm glad to see you're taking care of yourself.
  • @Drained1 it's not dumb or small at all! it's wonderful and i'm so happy for you! doing things you love or trying new things, that's part of what life is supposed to be about!! :) you go and have a joyous time! sc is a beautiful state!

    so good to hear your bright and cheery spirit.. <3
  • Happy Friday, @Drained1! Hope you have a FABULOUS weekend! :)
  • @tiredmom I had that epic bonfire last night and my wedding album and wedding dress are no longer with us! My neighbors and I had a wonderful night. And you know what... I was able to look through that album and not even get a tear in my eyes. I pulled out a picture of me and my Mom and a picture of me and my daughter and the rest went up in flames. No tears.... no anxiety... just freedom.

    @DeanD #badass2019 is in the works ;)
  • Isn't it wonderful @Drained1 , when we finally reach that point where we are able to liberate ourselves and not be a big ball of emotions! Good for you. And glad you had a good weekend and some fun with your neighbors.
  • @tiredmom it was a wonderful feeling. And, Saturday I did go on my "adventure" and it was one of the best and most fun days I've had in a very very long time!!! I won't lie, I got choked up on the way there because I was thinking how much fun we could have had doing that together under normal circumstances and thought how much he would have loved it. But I got past that and I truly enjoyed the ride there, had an AMAZING time while I was there and enjoyed being around different friends and even made a few new friends. I enjoyed the ride back home as well. It was truly a perfect day.
  • @Drained1 I am so happy you had a good adventure! And yay for burning the wedding dress! Bet that felt good in a way!

    I think it’s great to offer support for your ex and his family, they all need prayers and love. Prison is not bad, it’s a horrible place to be but sometimes it can be the thing to turn it all around! And I do believe in divine intervention and spiritual signs, the fact that you’ve heard numerous positive prison stories is definitely a sign to trust and feel comfort in that outcome!
  • Somehow I missed your last post to me @Drained1. I'm glad you had so much fun and was able to enjoy yourself so much. I can tell you are the kind of person that can make friends and who has the type of personality that draws people to them. Good for you. And I am glad you were able to get past the little moment you had. You will probably have more moments like that, but the good thing is you were able to get past it. Sounds like you have a great start to the new year!
  • @Vicbrenan Thank you for your encouragement, and it felt GREAT! I really feel like I've been getting numerous signs that are of comfort to me and give me hope that even though he is facing a long road ahead, perhaps his whole life can be changed in a positive way.

    @tiredmom how are you doing? How is your son??
  • I'm doing pretty good @Drained1. It's been pretty quiet in my life right now and that is a good thing. I have been a little bit busy taking my son to a few appointments each week. He is home and has been opiate free for 41 days. He still complains of having little to no energy so not sure if he is suffering post acute withdrawal or if his meds have anything to do with it. But ever since his head injury years ago he has had problems with motivation and energy. He claims that is why he started taking drugs to begin with. To self medicate. He is still smoking a little bit of weed almost every day. About a half a teaspoon full. He is not getting any type of anxiety meds from his doctor anymore and he claims the little bit of weed helps him with the anxiety. I would rather he not be smoking, but at this point he is not on opiates and I am not having to pick him up off the floor. So I am hoping if he stays free from opiates and can get through that, that there will come a time he won't need weed either. Actually, he will be going on probation the end of March and will be tested, so he will have no choice but to give it up, unless he can get a medical marijuana card. I'm still not sure how I feel about that, but I do know people who it has helped tremendously for different reasons. I'll leave it up to the doctor to figure out.
  • I get your ambivalence about the marijuana card, @tiredmom. I felt the same way when my son got his card. That said, I do think the weed helped him more than a lot of meds he's tried did. But I still don't know how I feel about regular, long-term use of marijuana. It's kind of a catch 22 in my mind.

    By the way, 41 days opiate-free is a wonderful accomplishment for your son. Be sure to give him some positive reinforcement. Too often we only give our kids negative reinforcement when they screw up. They deserve to hear from us when they're doing good things, too.

    Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!
  • Hi @DeanD Yes it is a tough call on the medical marijuana. I'm not sure if he will even be able to get it, but we'll see. I'll talk to his psychiatrist for sure! I am giving him a lot of positive reinforcement and my husband has been getting along with him and has been very kind towards him also. I'm out this evening with my husband sitting in a valvoline oil change garage. Lol. It's good to be able to go out and not worry about my son. He is having dinner at a good friends house and then they are going to watch a movie. Happy Friday to you too!!
  • I can see you’re getting your weekend off to a romantic start, @tiredmom. Those Valvoline oil change places are soooooo sexy! ;)
  • That cracked me up @DeanD! They are if you sneak into the bathroom and pull your hubby in with you!
  • Be careful with that oil, @tiredmom! :o
  • Just had to get our family to get us out of jail. We got caught in the bathroom and were arrested. Just kidding! Lol. It is getting more romantic as we are headed out for a steak dinner. Eating late tonight. Omg
  • @DeanD @tiredmom yall cracking me up! Hahaha but I needed that!!! @tiredmom so glad to hear things are going good for you guys right now!!

    Well, I expected some sort of chaos would try and ruin my peace. This evening I had my phone in my hand and was about to send my ex sis in law a msg bc i just had a gut feeling that something wasn't "right". I deleted the msg I had started and told myself "if there is something you need to know you will" And I sat my phone down. Not even 5 minutes later I got a msg from her. She asked if I talked to their baby brother anymore and I told her no and asked why. She said she had not talked to my ex in weeks... This evening he called her and said he wanted to get the 4wheeler he gave his nephew (her son) from my house and that their baby brother could come get it. She cannot have it at her house, the landlord wont allow it so it has stayed here. She said "I am not dumb. I was gonna tell him it's not at your house that it's in storage" I told her that he will sell it if he gets it back and she said "I know". So she called him back and told him it was in storage and not at my house. He went off the deep end and said if he dont get it back by the weekend he will report it stolen and press charges to have me arrested and he dont care about the tpo. So, rather than get my parents on edge by having an officer come to my house I rode to the police station and spoke with an officer. Gave him all the background on my ex and that both myself and his sister feel he just wants it back so he call sell it and asked if I could be in trouble. He said that the best thing to do is have her come get it and store it somewhere else. But that he feels its a "scare tactic" to get what he wants but if I even catch wind that he may be coming in my direction to call them. And I assure you, that's what I will do. He said in his text to her that he would break the tpo and then break my head "like a grape". He was making it like i was keeping the 4wheeler from his nephew lol all while trying to take it back from him....smh. We all know his games. His sisyer was like "he probably already has it sold and now he is mad cause he can't get it"

    So its gonna be a long weekend of watching my surroundings and listening out overnight. I don't think he will try anything stupid but I won't let my guard down. But I am not gonna let him or his issues steal my peace and joy....

    I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend
  • Sorry that happened, @Drained1. Please keep your guard up and be safe. I’m glad you went and talked to the police, too.

    You have a wonderful weekend, too!
  • @Drained1 Yes, definitely keep your guard up. You have to remember that he could still be using drugs and you don't know if he is worse now or not. I don't remember if you said he was using more than just opiates. Is there anything else he was using? I worry about what kind of state of mind he could be in. I think you are right about him wanting to sell the. 4-wheeler. You don't know how desperate he could be and you need to get that out of your house asap. You don't need any more issues involving him, that's for sure. Also, I don't want to make you worry more than you need to, but he is going to go to jail and really he is a man with nothing much to lose right now. So hopefully he doesn't get any more stupid ideas and come around and start trouble with you. It never hurts to be extra cautious. If by some chance he would show up, don't even open your door. Call the police immediately. I think you probably already know that though. Once my ex husband knew for certain there was no chance of getting back together, he became very angry and started blaming me for all of his bullshit, and got the mentality that he already lost everything so what the hell. Honestly, if it were me I wouldn't care who took it. I would just want it gone. I think I would tell his sister if she wants it for her son then she needs to come and get it. Hope you are able to have a good night and weekend.
  • Please check in with us here and there to let us know you're doing alright, okay @Drained1? I worry about you!!!
  • Hi @DeanD I am good so far. The 4wheeler is still in the yard and as far as I know all was calm last night. But honestly I just went to sleep and didn't stress. I presume IF he really is hard up to get it back then he would likely ride by overnight and see if he can spot it. So it's more the remainder of the weekend I am concerned about.

    @tiredmom he said he was mixing meth & roxies when he left here. I had never been around meth so that explained why he was so different than all previous opiate relapses. He had been extremely addicted to meth years ago and was able to get off of that but his sister and his ex said that how he was and is still acting is how he was while on meth. Based on his outbursts on social media and directly towards people and the fact that I had heard he was awake all hours of the night leads me to believe he is still likely using and its probably meth.

    His sister said he "butt dialed" her and she heard him screaming and belittling the lady he is with. Said she had never heard someone say such hateful and cold hearted things to someone. The next day at work she told the lady (its her "friend" and coworker that he is with) that she needs to get him out of her house bc he is using her and don't love her and that he never spoke to me or his ex like what she had overheard. The lady apparently went back and told him and he called his sister while she was at their family Christmas party and was screaming to the top of his lungs at her and she just hung up on him. That was the last she had heard from him until yesterday.

    I fully believe he was using or needing to use yesterday based on his actions.

    I will def be keeping my guard up and I am not worried about him or the consequences he will face if I have to call the cops. I am done with that. I am done protecting his crazy self.
  • That is exactly what I thought he was using. I kind of remembered there being something said regarding meth. That certainly explains it, if he is up all hours of the night, and the screaming and raging. Meth is a terrible drug and people can become psychotic and violent. Thank goodness you were able to get away from him when you did. I'm glad you won't hesitate to call the police if you have to. I think the sooner he goes to jail the better for everyone. Is someone coming to get the 4-wheeler off of your property? I hope so.
  • @tiredmom I told her that they needed to find somewhere else to keep it because I am done with all his craziness. But I kind of wish she would have just stood up to him and told him it was fine here rather than making it look like I was keeping it from anyone. I am going to talk with her again today to see what they are going to do with it. I am also going to ask her to make it known I am not keeping it from her
  • She absolutely needs to make it known that you weren't trying to keep it from her @Drained1 . And that she wanted you to store it there because he gave it to her son, but had nowhere to keep it. Honestly, if it was your ex's to begin with and he just gave it away, but now wants it back, if I was his sister, I'd say. f&%$ it, and let him have it. It's not worth the hassle of having to deal with him.
  • Happy Monday, @Drained1! I hope you have a fabulous week!!! :)
  • Happy Monday to you as well @DeanD !!! Hope you had a wonderful weekend!! Mine was actually low key and quiet .. much better than how it started out on Friday evening.
  • I'm glad to hear that, @Drained1! No drama is definitely a good thing!!!
  • Good morning guys! It's been a few days since I checked in on this thread. I was hesitant to post this here yet, but I wanted to let you know that I got a little bit of closure yesterday morning. I was at work and my Mom called me. She never calls me at work, so of course I answered right away. She apologized for bothering me at work but said that a deputy was at my house and wanted to speak with me. (remember, I live right next door to my parents) The deputy apologized for bothering me as well, but went on to say that my parents informed him that "J" and I have been divorced for a few months now, but since he renewed his license in August with my address they had to start there....I am not going to post all details of the conversation yet.... but they have warrants for a few charges on him including vehicular homicide. So, the investigation is apparently over and charges have been made obviously if they have warrants on him.

    It may sound warped, but I have needed this.... to know that things are getting ready to move forward. That this is one step in the direction to closing this door as well. I'm certain the other family involved is ready as well. It was such a weight off of my shoulders yesterday to hear this. I will be a bit uneasy until I know that they have him in custody. I'm a bit worried that if he catches wind that he will try to run. I would hope he don't but I know that he has told a few different people that he was going to. But, he has said a lot of things this past year that have just been hot air. But..... not my problem. I am not going to spend each day stressing over this. I have control over myself and myself only.... not him, not his choices, not his actions... nothing regarding him do I have control over nor is it my business any longer. That is such a great feeling! I'm one step closer to some closure..... I can't express my excitement!!

    @DeanD @dominica @tiredmom
  • @Drained1 i'm glad you are feeling a bit of closure here.... i'm sure it is a great feeling!!! thank you for sharing this. sounds like your year is off to a good start...and you're healing more and more....moving on with your life...

    very good!

    have a beautiful day, my dear
  • @dominica it's not full closure but I sense it coming. Like I said, it's closer than it's been. I feel that I truly am healing and learning who I am. I am at the point where being alone isn't hard all the time. I haven't been spending as much time with all of my neighbors either, I've been truly going to new places and doing different things and just living my life. Actually, the last time I hung out with them at all was on Jan. 6th. On Jan. 7 I started 21 days of fasting & prayer. Today is day 12. Not only does my body feel better without all of the crap I had been putting in it, but my soul feels refreshed. I unplugged from social media for 7 days, but then I had to plug back in because I am hosting my daughter's baby shower and learned that your events (gift registries included) disappear when you deactivate your account lol But I've still been limiting my time online even after logging back in. I've been reading lots of different material. Devotionals, self love, etc. I've really been working on ME. Digging in to see what issues I have buried. It's been hard and nice at the same time but I want to be whole again as an individual. I want this time of my life to be a time of discovery and healing and it's taking some digging to get to things for sure. I've noticed a "grudge" I guess you would say that I hold against my Mom. I'm really working to expose where this started so I can work to heal this in my life. I haven't spent much time with her lately, she has actually began to really get under my skin at times over these past few months. Saturday I've decided to take her on a shopping trip to a store she has been wanting to go to. So we will be spending some time away from our homes together for a few hours.
  • @Drained1... Some closure is a good thing, for sure. I'm sorry to hear about the vehicular homicide charge, but we kind of knew that was coming, right? I mean, your ex caused the death of another human. That's something he will have to pay for. And hopefully it will make him realize that he needs to change. Maybe time in jail will help him. We can only hope.

    I'm glad you've been working on yourself. That's all we can really do, because we are the only person we have control over. It's not always easy, but the results can be liberating.

    I'm also happy that you're going to spend some time with your mom. Yes, you may have a grudge with her, but life's too short. Try to make the best of it.

    Happy Friday, my dear! I hope you have a lovely day and even better weekend! :)
  • Completely understand how you are feeling @Drained1 . Waiting and wondering what is going to happen definitely makes one feel as if they are in limbo. At least now you know what is going to happen and you can keep moving forward without having to wonder about that aspect of it. It sounds like you are taking very good care of yourself. And it's great you are doing new things and enjoying your life more. Planning a baby shower is always so exciting. I remember when I had my daughters shower. It was alot of work and I went crazy decorating and making it special, but it was so much fun. Fasting sounds tough! Lol. I need to fast and stop eating piles of baked goods and candy! I'm curious as to what type of foods you have given up? I think we all have some kind of little grudge against our mothers! Lol Mine can get on my nerves sometimes too, but I have to keep reminding myself that I need to spend as much quality time with her as possible, because I will be sorry when she's gone. So that is great you are your mother went out together. You're doing amazing and I know your life is going to get better and better. Hope you are having a good day!
  • @tiredmom I am doing a "Daniel Fast".... I only consume veggies, fruits, whole grains and water. Last year after my surgery I started on a journey very similar but I cut out everything that caused inflammation due to my endometriosis and newly diagnosed fibromyalgia. I started out having one "cheat day" a week, then went to just one "cheat meal" per week. That was usually a Friday or Saturday night when we would go out to dinner. I kept it up all the way through to Thanksgiving, then I somewhat gave in and got out of routine lol. So, mainly the difference for me with this fast is that I also cut out meat and dairy for 21 days. I had cut back on red meat all last year, but still had my chicken/poultry and fish/seafood. Honestly, once my body adjusted after the first few days it's been great. My body feels great & I'm sleeping better than I have in a very long time, I also have more energy.
  • Wow you have some willpower @Drained1 !! Good for you for being able to do that. I have not one day of my life ever even thought of what I was eating . I eat just about anything and everything, but I do like my junk food. Maybe I should start eating a bit healthier too, just to see if I feel better. I have an extremely fast metabolism and never had to worry about my weight, so I really never thought about how some of the foods I eat could be affecting how I feel.
  • @tiredmom last year when I cut out all foods / drinks that caused inflammation I did it in an effort to prevent as much as I could the endo from coming back. I've had probably 12 surgeries total from endo. The one last year was the hardest and worse by far and I decided while I was recovering that if there was something I could do to prevent or prolong further spreading I would do it! Endo feeds off of inflammation and I have stage 4 endo. I lost my left ovary and tube first, then my right a few years later after several laparoscopic surgeries to try to salvage the right.... to no avail. Followed by several more laparoscopic surgeries to burn endo away or to remove masses. Last Jan they took the uterus and cervix. But, the endo had attacked my bladder and it was plastered to my uterus. My bladder was ripped during the procedure and punctured 3 times. It's a risk I was well aware of, no fault of the surgeon. It was so bad there was no way to see that is what was going on. They had to call in a urologist to repair the bladder and I went home with a catheter for a day or so over 4 weeks. It was hell. Although all female organs are now gone if even the smallest amount was missed it can spread to other organs and there is a chance of there being trace amounts left b/c it was so bad.

    Fibromyalgia also stems from inflammation and I noticed once I cut the crap out of my diet that my body no longer hurt as bad as it did before. On my "cheat" days or meals I could feel the difference the next day.

    Due to my hormones being all crazy before my surgery I put on a lot of weight in the months leading up the surgery. I am only 4'11" and have managed to usually stay around 105-115 lol and I've never weighed more than 130ish at my heaviest, but at my pre-op appt last January I weighed 192!!!!! I always put on weight when my endo is active but that was by far the most I've ever gained. I knew the majority of it would drop quickly after the surgery once it was cleared out of my body and it did. I'm back at about 134 right now.

    So, I've had to maintain a very strong willpower lol Sorry for the novel of my personal issues.... lol
  • That is quite alright @Drained1 . You and I are by far the two novel writers on this forum! Lol Have you ever seen some of my posts? Lol It sounds like you really been through alot with all that. I had some cervical issues after my first pregnancy and had a couple of surgeries to repair it, but 12 surgeries! Omg! You really are a trooper girl! Tough stuff in that 4'11" frame! After all that, I would be watching what I ate for sure. Damn, we never get a break, do we? But I am glad you have all that under control. I have some inflammation in my right arm and I whine about that. I am sure it's because I never give it a break. I'm always wiping and cleaning something. Plus I am always eating some kind of pie, cake, dessert, or candy as my snack! Maybe I should cut out some of that. But I do eat a lot of fruit and veggies too. Well you keep up the good work so you can show off that new bedroom someday! Wink wink. Lol
  • Poor @DeanD ! He'll be reading this and thinking what the hell is this, with all the talk of female parts and bedroom redesign! LMAO
  • Don't worry about me, @tiredmom and @Drained1. I have my female alter ego (De'An) read these girly posts. ;)
  • You are cracking me up @Deand!
  • @Drained1 wow. that is a lot of surgeries! you truly are one heck of a warrior!!!

    you too @tiredmom !!

    appreciate ya'll sharing here....

    super glad you are doing your prayer and fasting @Drained1 . i'm sure this helps...

    and @DeanD you crack me up too lol

    hope ya'll have a wonderful weekend!
  • @dominica I wonder if De'An has any female parts stories she would like to share? Lol
  • @tiredmom... De'An says, "Tell those girls to hush up! And yes, these are REAL!!!!" ;)
  • LMAO @DeanD Hey! My Friday is a little better than the one at Valvoline! I'm at Ichiban Japanese steakhouse patiently waiting for my soup!! Going to have some steak and shrimp! Then I am going to my sisters for some pie and tea. Hope you're having a good Friday. Hope your wife is healing quickly.
  • @DeanD @tiredmom haha. love this...

    have a wonderful weekend!
  • LOL!!! You guys crack me up!! I love it!!! Hope everyone had a great weekend! I had a nice one. I spent a few hours Friday night hanging out with my neighbors. Spent the first half of Saturday with my mom shopping then I treated her to lunch while we were out. Sunday was mostly spent in church. Other than that it was pretty low key which is perfect. No stress, no chaos, no anxiety and worry.

    The ex is still not in custody but I am at peace knowing it's coming. I'm ready for that so I can have closure to that part. On the day of the accident the local newspaper's facebook page posted pics of the accident and informing of the road being closed so people could avoid the area. There were hundreds of comments, and unfortunately that is how one of the person's children found out that their parent had been killed in the accident. Well..... on Friday one of the daughters posted a response to a comment from that day. Another person had posted that "it was the white truck's fault but the blue truck was going too fast" (gotta love social media) The daughter posted on Friday afternoon: "it was the white truck's fault but I'll have you know that the blue truck was NOT going too fast AND their were drugs involved regarding the white truck" Soooo.... it's obvious that they have been notified of the results of the investigation and now I have even more closure regarding what happened..... Although I knew in my gut the day of the accident when I pulled up and saw what happened I knew it right then but I have just needed it to be in writing I guess you could say? IDK, regardless I have an answer (somewhat). I know it will still be quite a while until this is all resolved and I may be pulled into it at some point, but I am at peace right now.

  • I'm glad you're at peace now, @Drained1. And I'm glad you had a nice weekend, too. Happy Monday! Be a badass all week!!! :)
  • Hope everyone has a great weekend! I will be busy. My bonus daughter (ex-husband's daughter) is going to be with me this weekend!! We have a baby shower to go to tomorrow then I may take her skating or something tomorrow night. Sunday we are going to church then may hit a few stores before I have to take her back home.
  • You have a great weekend, too, @Drained1! It sounds like you've got some fun things planned. Enjoy! B)
  • That sounds like a great weekend @Drained1 . Skating sounds awesome! I used to do speed skating when I was younger. And competed. I think now I would probably fall on my ass! Lol Roller Skating is what I did. Ugh I hate getting older! Tonight I am making chili and corn bread. Tomorrow it's starting a new painting project. Just a laid back weekend in the cold here. Hope you have a lot of fun!
  • @tiredmom i speed skated and competed also! Still have 2 pairs of skates lol I still love it!! I am looking forward to the weekend! Chili sounds wonderful, I am making that tomorrow in my crockpot while we are at the shower so it will be ready for us when we return. I am on day 19 of the 21 day fast. Sunday is the last day, so my chili is a new recipe
  • Good job on sticking with the fasting. About the only thing I been fasting on is hot chocolate and reeces peanut butter cups every night. Lol My son and I have been watching tv together each night and he developed a bit of a sweet tooth, and I am munching along with him. I'm a new kind of codependent. LMAO He eats, I eat. The chili was great. At least it's healthy. Enjoy the baby shower too!
  • @Drained1 and @tiredmom... I'm thinking we need to have a speed skating competition between the two of you. What's a good time and place for you guys?
  • How about somewhere in the Caribbean @DeanD. It's freaking cold here! I don't want to get out of my fuzzy pajamas. But this has me wondering if I can still skate or if I would be down on my rear? Lol. It's been a very long time!
  • @tiredmom... Cold as **** here, too. If you have a smart phone, go download an app called WTForecast. I guarantee it will put lots of smiles on your face. :)
  • Darn, @DeanD I have an old cheap phone that I am lucky I get the internet. Lol I never have any luck downloading anything, as I think my phone is full. But I have done just about everything and anything to the phone including dropping it in the dishwater and the toilet and it keeps on working, so I don't want to buy another one because the one I have just keeps on ticking!
  • @Drained1 I am glad you have such a positive outlook for 2019. I wish good things for you! I am happy you got some closure with the charges pending on your ex to. Hopefully it will help him with his addiction.
  • @mammakim thank you for your kind words!

    @DeanD & @tiredmom it's been my version of cold here in GA too lol Supposed to get some snow tomorrow and tomorrow night YAY!!! Last year it snowed a lot for GA but I had just gotten home from my surgery and couldn't enjoy anything other than the view from the window.

    I had a great weekend! Saturday the ex started in about the 4-wheeler again with his sister and told her he had reported it stolen.... lol. Now I'm just amused at his temper tantrums and lies. It didn't even phase me. He had bought my daughter a car about 2 years ago and we decided to put it in my name so I can put insurance on it until she got a job and could take it over. He told his sister that the car was in his name and he was going to report it stolen on Sunday at noon too.... I told her I wish he would! She is worried about him causing trouble for me and I assured her that I am not the least bit concerned about him or his attempts to "scare" me. I told her that he has no clue of the VIN number on the car and assured her there is literally nothing he can do about it. Not to mention... we sold the car months ago. It was having issues and with everything going on with him neither myself or my daughter wanted it to become an ordeal with him. I have not told anyone except my closest friend that he has warrants and they were looking for him at my house. I don't want him to catch wind of it and do something stupid or disappear. But, that's why I told his sister I wish he would call the cops to report something stolen lol.

    However, there is one thing that has been happening that makes me a little uneasy.... I have a fenced backyard. Every morning since I got my doggy when I start my car to leave for work my headlights shine on the gate and I always make sure everything is secure before I leave for the day. On 3 different mornings last week the latch was undone. I have blocks on the front side of the gate because it's loose and even with the latch secure it could push forward and open. The block has not been moved, but the latch was not secure. It's been VERY windy here lately and the wind could push the gate backwards and open the gate and my doggy could get out. I would be absolutely devastated. I asked my daughter's fiance if he had been in and out of the gate at any time through the week and he said no. I asked my Mom if my Dad may have been (our back yards connect, we live next to each other) and he said he had not even been in the backyard all last week. So I'm not sure what's going on with that. I think I am going to purchase a lock to put on the gate and only give my Dad a key.

    I've been considering moving. My best friends across the street are moving on March 1, my other neighbors say they are moving in 6 months when their lease is up. I know I will be more at peace once he is behind bars but I would like a fresh start too. Somewhere a bit bigger. I have a little place, it's all I could afford when I first moved in there. Now I'm able to do more, but don't want to get in over my head either. I like being able to have extra money each week. I also like being next to my parents and the place is set up perfect for my pup. So, I'm torn lol. I think I may just wait it out and see how I feel once he is behind bars and I'm not paranoid about him driving by. I was able to dispute the non payments on the truck and have that marked as paid in full on my credit so my scores all went back up close to where they were before this ordeal. So, I am likely able to purchase a home again ( I was pre-qualified last year but my gut said NO!) I was talking with a friend about that option and she helped me decide against it. She said "you don't know where your life is going... you don't know where you want to be settled permanently right now. You just went through a LOT in a short time.... just get yourself settled first"

    Ok, I have to end here. Just felt like rambling this morning lol. Hope everyone has a happy Monday!
  • @Drained1 Hey there! That would be something if he reported that car stolen LOL.

    I think it's a great idea to get a lock for that gate. Better to be safe and then you'll be able to rest on that end. As far as moving, that's a tough call. I'd say don't do it until you have peace about it and feel perfectly aligned. I'm sure it will feel different once he's behind bars. And I'm sure it is nice to have your parents right next to you! The good news is you can always move down the road, but it would be a hassle to move and then decide that you liked this location better and then kind of be stuck.

    I'm glad that your weekend went well. Did you end up getting some snow? It's been chilly down in Louisiana, but I won't complain because I know others have it a whole lot worse. I do not miss those Northern winters at all. But I do miss seeing the snow sometimes.

    Things are going pretty well in my life. Enjoying my grandbaby who is 2 months old now. When is your grandbaby due?
  • @dominica I can't believe your grandbaby is already 2 months old!!! Wow, that time sure does fly doesn't it!! Mine is due April 18. I'm hosting her baby shower on Feb. 23 so I am pretty consumed with that right now. Snow is in the forecast for tomorrow and tomorrow night with it freezing overnight tomorrow. So Wednesday is gonna be a little sketchy if the weather does as they are predicting. I know all the northerners laugh at us southerners when we get excited over an inch or so of snow ha ha but it's ok!

    I think I am going to sit tight... the more I think about it the more I see that a lot of changes are about to be coming. My daughter and her fiance are looking at houses and likely about to be moving before the baby is born. He is going to be behind bars soon hopefully..... not sure what the hold up is at this point but I'm learning patience lol. And, you're right, I do like where I am and my set up so I would hate to leave it right now with so many changes about to come about and regret it.
  • @Drained1 I think it's a little bit funny how Southerners act with snow, but at the same time I think it's also great to be prepared. And if you're not used to driving in snow, I think it's great when people hunker down with their bread and milk that they've made a rush for the store for (wink)!

    I'm sure the baby shower will be wonderful. I know you're going to adore that grandbaby! It really is special!

    I think it's a good idea to sit tight for now as you said. Besides moving is a lot of energy and there's some stress involved. Let your life settle down a little bit longer my dear.

    Happy Monday!
  • Good idea to put a lock on the gate. That is a little creepy. Hopefully it was just the wind. You can always put some itching powder on the latch and if someone is touching it they will soon be scratching all day. Lol
  • @tiredmom it's probably a good thing we don't live close to each other LOL... I could see us having a good time and causing some mischief hahahaha!!!!

    So, yesterday the ex started in on his daughter with the guilt trip about her not talking to him or seeing him and she popped back and she put him in his place!!! They ended up arguing over text messages until she just ended the conversation but he was threatening to "tear her ass out of frame" for how she was speaking to him.... SMH!! I could tell by all of his messages he was clearly messed up. (her mom sent me screenshots) He probably sealed the deal with their relationship yesterday..... at least until he gets help and starts to work on himself. It breaks my heart.... her mom said that her stepdad walked in from work and she was in the middle of texting with him and she was crying so hard. He was talking about me and her mom and her stepdad and our friends calling everyone "fake" and saying he is sorry she is surrounded by fake people and will never know the truth. She told him that the only person that wasn't real in her life was HIM and even said "how dare you say those things to me about my family and the people that love me and have been here for me! She is over it! I am getting her again this coming weekend, we are going skating Saturday night and then to church on Sunday. She went to church with me last Sunday and LOVED it, wants to go with me every chance she can she said. What's even better is that some of the things she was telling him in the messages is stuff that was in the message at church this past Sunday. I couldn't have been happier that she was able to apply what she learned and share it with her Dad even when he was being a complete ass to her.

    Her mom sent me a Google maps image of the place where he and his girlfriend live. It actually had a picture of her car in it and she wanted me to know what it looked like just to be aware since he has been acting a fool again lately according to his sister. I showed the pic to my daughter and her fiance so they would know what it looks like and his eyes got huge... he said "how long has she lived there?" I told him I didn't know. He said "the guy that lives next door is a pill head and who knows what else he does, I went to school with his son and they are ALL trouble!" That is the guy that was the passenger in my ex's truck on the day of the accident. I told him that and he said "then they were definitely up to no good. He has been in and out of jail his whole life b/c of drugs and other stuff. Just got out of prison a few years ago. All his sons are in prison for drugs and one for murder..... they are all supposedly involved in a "gang" too"

    In other news.... here in GA I am impatiently waiting on a little bit of snow lol. Where I live it's showing we may just get a dusting but where I work it's showing a little more. We shall see.

    Also @tiredmom Sunday night was the end of my 21 day fast! Yesterday morning I was sooo looking forward to my favorite iced coffee w/ almond milk & splenda from Dunkin Donuts. Went through the drive thru and got one, got to my office and took a big ole drink and it was TERRIBLE!! I tried to take two more drinks hoping it would get better but it didn't... smh. Guess my taste buds changed in 21 days. Stuck to my normal healthy stuff for breakfast and lunch, then.... THEN.... I went big and "treated" myself and my daughter for dinner. I got a cheeseburger, fries and a margarita ............ BIG MISTAKE LMAO!!!! Let's just say I went home and had two shots..... of PEPTO hahahaha!!! OMG my stomach hurt all night long!! I am going to continue eating like that with the exception of adding chicken and fish in my diet twice a week. I love feeling so much better, having more energy and sleeping so good since I took all the crap out of my diet.

  • @DeanD @dominica @tiredmom I have an update. I called the warrants division this morning to give them the info on the vehicle on his girlfriend's car that they share. He said they transferred it to the county where he lives but they were supposed to go out that day and he hasn't heard anything and was going to call them to get an update and to give them the vehicle info. About 10 minutes later he called me back and said that they did go out that day but the unit had been burned to the ground. I told them they went to the wrong place b/c I know that they are still there. They had the address numbers incorrect. An hour later I got a call from his brother stating they arrested him. He was on the phone with him when they knocked on the door.

    I have a lump in my throat and feel sick to my stomach..... it's bittersweet. This time last year he was such a different man. But, I have closure and I can be at peace now not worrying if he is around or going to do something stupid.
  • Yes we probably would be into all kinds of mischief together if we lived close @Drained1 ! I've settled down a bit now that I am a little bit older, but at one time I was the expert on mischief. The stories I could tell. Lol I'm sorry to hear your ex is being such an ass with his daughter. It really is awful how someone on drugs can affect the whole family. It's good that she was able to put him in his place. It should help her to feel less powerless. There will come a day when he is in jail and he will have a lot of time to think, and hopefully his head will clear and he will realize that HE was the problem. So I was wondering, if everyone knows where he is, and there is a warrant, why isn't anyone telling the police where he is? Someone could send an anonymous note to the police with the information as to where he is living. Just a thought. I'm sitting here having a cup of coffee and watching it snow! It seems you like when it snows so I am hoping you get some snow today too. It's really coming down pretty good here right now. We're supposed to get record cold temperatures starting tonight but I don't mind. I enjoy getting bundled up and taking a walk. It seems like the cold wakes up and clears my muddled brain. LOL I am glad you are going to continue to eat healthier. You did very well sticking to your special fasting diet. You are motivating me to think about cutting down on the junk I eat and when I went shopping I bought more fruits and less junk food and candy. My son has gained 25 pounds since stopping drugs and I want him to eat more healthy too, since he now seems to be addicted to anything sugary. I just saw an alert you are posting now so I am going to take a look.
  • Just read your post @Drained1 . Well that answers the question about anyone notifying the police. If you want to be sure they arrested him there is a website where you can go and look up his name and it will tell you the date and charges. I also believe you can sign up for a text alert if he were to be released for any reason. It might take a day for it to show up. I know what you mean about it being bittersweet. You will be able to relax a bit more now though. You can try the website There is another site, but my muddled brain can't think of the name right now. Guess I do need that walk in the cold. Hope you have a good day.
  • Thank you @tiredmom . I am just ready to move forward. I know that there is still a long road ahead with trials and all that but at least it's moving. I think I am going to try to "revamp" my living room in the next few weeks, time to change it up.
  • That sounds like a good idea @Drained1 I think you are better off staying where you are for the time being and a revamp will be fun and make you feel like you are in a new space. I'm getting ready to redo one of my small bedrooms and am turning it into a little office/reading room for myself. I'm actually going to start painting it in about an hour. It's all prepped and ready.
  • Just catching up on your thread, @Drained1. Have had a busy couple days in my world. And Sunday was the 1-year anniversary of the death of my 28-year-old nephew, who died of an accidental heroin overdose. It's still weighing on everyone in the family, and we spent some good time together on Sunday.

    I'm sure hearing that your ex was arrested was indeed bittersweet. But it's good to know that what he did is being dealt with now. I pray that he will be able to turn himself around eventually. Just take solace in knowing that you did everything you possibly could, my dear. Unfortunately, we can't fix other people. We can only work on ourselves. So keep doing that. And remember: You're a badass. <3
  • @Drained1 yes, make some fresh changes around the house. that is therapeutic!!

    @DeanD ahhh, so sorry about your nephew... can't imagine how tough that is for the whole family... bless it.
  • Sorry to hear that about your nephew @DeanD . I can't imagine how hard it must be for the family and especially his mother. So terribly sad. I have had to do CPR on my own son when he was overdosing. I can't help but to think there must be some greater purpose for him because he has managed to survive at least 10 overdoses in the past couple of years, a traumatic brain injury and an accident where he was trapped in a burning vehicle. And he has lost friends to the disease of addiction. It's all so scary. Glad you could spend time with your family. I will say a prayer for his mother.
  • @DeanD I am so sorry about your nephew..... it's heartbreaking. Keeping your family in my thoughts.

    Since it's now public info, I feel ok with posting this. Below are his charges:
    1 40-6-48 IMPROPER LANE USAGE Misdemeanor SUPERIOR

    I'm honestly not sure how I am feeling about it. I know he is where he needs and deserves to be. But my heart is a little hurt still. I guess because I know he is a good man with a good heart when he is not being controlled by drugs. But I have peace and I have closure and confirmation.... I am hoping this time he is facing will lead to the help he needs to get clean and detox and be able to see clearly. This is, unfortunately, what it had to take to get him away from the people and places that enable him and feed his habits. Thankfully he will not be able to hurt anyone else emotionally or physically for a long time, and will be safe from himself as well.

    @dominica @tiredmom
  • Those are some serious charges, @Drained1. I can't even imagine how much jail time those would all add up to be. And you're right: It's what he deserves. But I totally get how your heart is still a little hurt. It's not an easy situation. I just want to tell you, though, how proud I am of you for the way you've navigated the storm you've been through over the last several months. You are truly an inspiration.

    I will pray for your ex. I hope he can find his way to a better place. It's too bad it had to come to this, but maybe this is indeed what it's gonna take for him to change.

    Happy Hump Day!
  • Those are some serious charges @Drained1 . I can completely understand how you must be feeling. I think it is totally normal for your heart to hurt a little. I know if I were in your situation my heart would probably hurt alot. What has happened is something I am sure you would never want to see happen to anyone you cared about, especially when you know the person is so much different when not on drugs. This will be a chance for him to actually be protected from himself and hopefully he will eventually realize how drugs took over his mind and life. This might just be the thing that will save him instead of spiraling out of control in his drug use, and at least he will have a life instead of the possibility that he would get deeper into his addiction and possibly lose his life like so many do. And now you have the opportunity to move forward with your own life, without worrying about having any further problems with him. I think you will have some mixed feelings for a little while, but in the end you are going to feel better and will truly feel free to pursue the life you want for yourself, without feeling like he is still lurking in the shadows of your own life.
  • @tiredmom "and will truly feel free to pursue the life you want for yourself, without feeling like he is still lurking in the shadows of your own life."...... You hit the nail on the head!!! I have not been able to put into words how I have been feeling but you just did it for me. I have felt held back on some level as far as pursuing the life I want for myself for sure and I've def felt like he was "lurking in the shadows".

    @DeanD thank you for your encouraging words.... you always know the right things to say!

    I just hope he doesn't just get a "slap on the wrist". I wouldn't think those charges would be something taken lightly.

    I'm ready to move forward.... completely..... and with this info and him being in custody I really feel a release of weight off my shoulders. I know there will be court hearings to follow. As of right now, I've not been contacted by anyone pertaining to the criminal case. Not to say it won't happen as it all starts moving forward, but I am prepared for the possibility that they may contact me as a witness. The insurance claims are still out there and may include me at some point. The maximum coverage amount has been paid to the gentleman he hit as it should have been. The passenger with him is likely to come after me because he is not getting anything from it. I am curious if they tested his blood and if so could he be facing any charges? But, not my business and I'm not going to even put that on my plate lol

    Looking forward to redecorating the living room..... it's still the exact same. It's very small so I am not sure how much rearranging I can do, but it's time to give it a new look.
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