Hello Everyone!

So here is my new thread! I originally joined for support with a guy I was dating who has issues with depression, trauma and sex addiction. I’ve since broken up with him because he would not commit and it turned out he just kept having more and more issues and I think really at the end of the day he is just a narcissist.

I am also a divorced mom with 3 kids. One is being processed for autism so we are going about that journey of screening and medications etc.
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  • @tiredmom I read your comment about the Viking and chastity belt lmao... you’re so funny, I think you’re right. I am really nervous because he is seems really sweet and proper and I haven’t gone out with anyone like that in forever.
  • You'll be o.k. @Vicbrenan . I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. That's good that he seems sweet and proper, but remember we are all on our best behavior when just meeting someone, unless you're just an idiot. I'm glad you got a little laugh out of the Viking comment. Lol. Just have fun and it will be fine. When is the date and where are you going?
  • That’s true @tiredmom I’ve met so many guys who won’t even call dates dates though lol... it’s hang outs or whatever. So I feel like it’s a good indicator that he is looking and ready for a real relationship. Also the fact that he’s planning things almost a week in advance haha
  • @Vicbrenan hey there. yes, have fun with the dating.... i would be lost dating today... lol

    great that he is sweet and proper. and i agree people are usually on their best behavior for a while when dating.

    hope you are having a good day!
  • I'm hoping for nothing but good things for you going forward, @Vicbrenan. Good luck with the dating/hanging out! :)
  • @Vicbrenan I was reading another post where you mentioned your 8 year old son and some issues he has with ADHD and the higher risk of drug use that it could bring. I think you are right that these types of problems could have an impact on him later on. I have a couple of friends who have children who were on meds for the same issues as your son starting back in grade school. Both of their children end up abusing drugs in their teen years. The best advice I could give you would be to set firm rules and have a set schedule and routine for your son, and stick to it. You have a better chance of him listening to you and following the rules if it is instilled in him while he is young, verses trying to set rules when he is a teen. Kids with ADHD need that type of structure more than others, and that structure could be what makes the biggest difference later on.
  • Thanks guys! One day at a time with Peyton! He is a good little guy. I’m lucky he’s a mamas boy lol... hopefully I can keep our relationship close.

    J is coming to get his big any minute. Yay. I can’t believe I actually said yes to it lol... he can ask whatever chick he’s dating to puppy sit lol
  • So I know I shouldn’t be thinking about this too much, but I read through my messages with this guy and he assumed I had 2 kids. I feel bad now and I might cancel my date lol. He didn’t ask how many I had. He has none and I’m afraid he’s just going to be like wtf
  • @Vicbrenan... I wouldn't cancel the date. If he assumed you had 2 and was wrong, that's not your fault. Especially if he didn't ask you straight up. Just go through with it, and if the number of kids is a problem, then it wasn't meant to be. Live in the moment. Don't try to predict things. ;)
  • Lol well he asked how old my kids were and I avoided it because every time I get into it guys stop talking to me. I just said I had kids.
  • Omg haha... and here we go with J asking to hang out... @AlwaysAlex called it. He texted me tonight asking if I had the kids. I’m not sure what he gets out of it because he told me he’d never want to be involved romantically and we weren’t having sex... he’s so weird. Anyway I didnt answer. Apparently the dog sitting was a gateway lmao.

    I kind of feel like ignoring him and stuff I going to end up making him turn around and chase me more.

    And I changed his contact name to “Hell no” so if he messages me I get a laugh and reminder all at the same Time
  • Probably best to avoid J at this point, @Vicbrenan. At least that's what I think. But, obviously, the choice is yours.

    Happy Friday! Hope you have a great weekend!
  • @Vicbrenan I agree that avoiding J is your best bet. I don’t think that you should reward his behavior or encourage it in anyway. He needs to know that it’s not acceptable. I’m glad you changed his name to hell no LOL

    You never know if the guy that you are dating might be all right with the children. I think it’s OK to just have honest and open communication about it.

    Have an amazing weekend!
  • Haha oh don’t worry guys, I am not going to be hanging out with him. I don’t really talk to him either except for the couple times he’s contacted me. I’m over that. I do get a slight bit of satisfaction being the one rejecting him now, he thinks everything is about him and I’m happy to not just go along with it.

    I have a couple night shifts this weekend and then a whole bunch of other stuff on during the day. Apparently I’m not sleeping this weekend lol
  • Don't spread yourself too thin this weekend, @Vicbrenan! :)
  • Here is what is going on with J @Vicbrenan . The fact that you are no longer putting up with him and aren't taking his shit, and aren't calling him and seeming like you are some pathetic woman who will bend to his needs and problems IS HURTING HIS EGO! That's all this is, at this point. It's all about his ego and his need to have someone in his life he can keep on the hook to be there for him and to listen to his needs and problems. I'm glad you gave him the name Hell No, because when you were together when it came time for any intimacy, it was Hell no, on his part. When he said he wasn't interested in you romantically, I believe he was telling the truth. He had plenty of time and opportunity for a romantic relationship with you. The only reason he will be chasing now is to prove to himself he can catch you. But once he does he will lose interest and go back to being the same old idiot! Remember that. Screw him.
  • @tiredmom yep you’re right! I don’t believe he is actually interested or able to be romantically interested in anyone, I don’t think it’s a “me” issue against romance lol. It’s totally his inability. But anyway, screw him.

    I’m soooooo tired. I had a great lesson on my horse and a nice evening out. I’m not entirely sure if this guy is interested or not, I think we had a good time. We chatted at the restaurant for 4 hours, he paid for dinner although I did offer to pay. He gave me a hug when he got there and when he left. And he commented again about some guy friend of his that has 2 step kids and said he feels like he has been able to have a good view on that dynamic lol... and he doesn’t sit on his phone, he wanted to show me something so he asked me if it was ok if he took it out lol... super polite guy anyway

    Clearly I try and go with the flow but I generally have a lot of anxiety when I’m first meeting people because the dating scene is so messed nowadays and people ghost you or act weird way too often.
  • @AlwaysAlex lmao... well he did tel me he liked horses and he was a natural at riding haha.... dating for me is difficult too, I have a lot of dark baggage that tends to make men run. My psycho ex that I had to get a restraining order on is one of those, and some of the things that happened in that relationship. I had an abortion while I was with him and he also was sexuall abusive and had photos he took without my permission. Last year I was dating a guy and my ex managed to find out and send all that beautiful info to him plus one of the photos. So the guy I was dating freaked right out, we had only been dating a couple months so I didn’t feel like that info was relevant yet and I hadn’t been ready to talk about it

    The sad part is I always find it incredibly odd when I find someone “normal”... like someone that refers to things as dating and hasn’t made any kind of sexual reference yet. Most guys are all over that nowadays. Although J was quite proper when I first met him too and was great at hiding his piglike nature.

    The phone thing is weird too Lol but I’ll see where it goes for now.
  • @AlwaysAlex that is SO kind of you to say! At the end of the day we all have our crap to deal with I guess eh?

    I am so grateful to have found this site!
  • @Vicbrenan I admire your honesty. There are alot of people who hide behind a mask and are not capable of being honest. It does seem like you have had a pretty rough time with men. I hope the psycho ex is not bothering you anymore. There sure are some losers out there. I don't think it was weird that your date asked if it was o.k. to pull out his phone. I think it was pretty damn respectful actually. Too many people spend time with their faces in their phone and I think it was very nice, as I believe he was giving you his full attention. There are alot of guys who are just looking for a quick hookup/sex and I wouldn't give any guy who is making sexual references too soon my time. Be selective and know your worth and you will find a nice guy.
  • @AlwaysAlex lmao no I held the door for him. But that’s ok.

    And I hate mobile devices too. It’s so frustrating. I completely agree that nothing like that should be present while you’re eating or spending time with someone. I don’t even want the TV to be on while eatin as it is so distracting. It’s a constant struggle at our house too. Myself personally I usually don’t take out my phone if I’m hanging out with a friend or eating because I think it’s rude. It’s important to be present.

    Anyways the guy I went out with doesn’t appear to be very interested. But not a big deal, always someone else around the corner. The guy I work with is still talking to me and suggested we go for coffee. He seems ok and he has horses so we have a lot to talk about usually haha.

    I really need to start purging stuff from my house. Since I bought the place I’ve been slowly going through all my stuff and old kid stuff. I’m trying to sell a bit too, usually I just donate things because I’m too lazy to sell. Lol
  • @Vicbrenan sounds like you are doing well.... and you're taking the dating thing slow... good plan!

    hope you have an amazing week!
  • @AlwaysAlex i hear you... and that's understandable!

    i do love your sense of humor. you always make me smile!

    glad you're doing well!
  • FWIW, I don't have--and never had had--a cell phone. And I detest them being present at the dinner table or anywhere else people should be having normal conversations with each other. The worst is when my wife and I go out to eat and I see a couple at another table...and both of them are on their phones. What happened to normal human interaction, people?!?!?! Okay. End of rant.
  • @DeanD 100% agreed!

    So upon my research- the guy I went to dinner with on Saturday was in a 9 year relationship with a women who has the same name as me, only spelled different lol!!!! I’ve dated a couple Toms and I actually made a joke about dating people with the same name when I first met the guy.

    And of course J is back texting me telling me he needs to see me and he is confused and doesn’t know what he wants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa ... this seems to happen with every guy... and it’s hilarious.
  • Yep, I was right @Vicbrenan. A guy doesn't want you until you don't give a damn if he is coming around or not. I'm sure he is confused. He doesn't have a mommy shoulder to cry on about his boo boos. Guaranteed if you start up again with him, in no time at all he won't be wanting you again. This is just his EGO! I'm 100% sure of it. He can't stand it that you aren't whining and pining over him. Like I said before. If he wasn't madly into you during the time you were together, he isn't going to be now. Trust me.
  • @tiredmom i dont think any of this has anything to do with him being mad About Me or not. He does like me. He does care. He isnt mentally capable of being mad about anyone, not me, not any other woman. Just isn’t in his capacity, so it’s not about me not being right for him or not being good enough and being rejected. I think deep down he does know how great I am but he isn’t capable of being present in a way that a partner should be and he knows it. He goes to therapy still and he’s probably been told this by his therapist.

    That’s why he’s confused and that’s why he keeps coming back. This is almost 8 months in with me being the one to cut ties. He could easily get laid by any woman he wants, he’s incredibly attractive and charismatic. Like he’s 6”4 and works out and has a few tattoos, most women would be drooling over him.

    Anyway I told him I’m not having sex with him or doing anything weird lol
  • I get what you're saying @Vicbrenan . But at the same time it really doesn't matter if he does like you, or does care. It's irrelevant to the fact he is simply confused and it doesn't even matter why at this point. Whether he can or can't be intimate with you or anyone else isn't the issue now. You know what he is all about, so why even bother with him. The whole relationship was just plain weird, and I know you did everything to be there for him. He doesn't deserve anything from you. So are you saying he is into doing weird things? Now you have me curious. Lol
  • Hey, @Vicbrenan . I forgot to mention your description of him fits my husband to a T. All the way to him being. 6'4 with a couple of tattoos. Lol
  • @tiredmom lol yep... 6”4, buff and smoking hot. I don’t actually think I’ve ever been as attracted to someone as I was him. There was definitely some perfect physical chemistry going on there and when we did have sex it was pretty perfect.

    But ya... he is confused and admits he is confused, so tuff tiddles for him, the only slightly amusing part is being able to be the one to reject him instead and be the one to sit back. Hes prętty impulsive and wanted to see me today and I said no he’d have to wait until Thursday because I was busy listening to Lady Gaga and cleaning my house, and I am puppy shopping tomorow. Lol no word of a lie those are the reasons I gave, lady gaga and puppies trumped his burning desire to have lunch with me lol
  • That is cracking me up @Vicbrenan . I'll bet he is absolutely shocked /surprised that you aren't jumping at the chance to have lunch with him. I really believe he thought you were desperate for a relationship with him and would jump when he decided he wanted to see you. I love the reasons you put him off. I don't blame you for making the puppy the priority. As I said before you will get more from a dog than him LMAO. You still didn't tell me what weird things would he want to do. Don't tell me he wants to put on a diaper! Lol
  • @tiredmom @AlwaysAlex the answer really isn’t that exciting. I meant weird things as in his weird relationship rollercoaster. He has a few weird sex issues, like the guy can only have sex missionary or woman on top, and he liked the woman dominating him. Which was fine with me, my ex who was really abusive only ever wanted to have sex doggy style and I ended up hating it lol. I hope to god he never finds this site. And he is really into dressing up and role playing, which isn’t that weird, lots of people do it.
  • As long as he doesn't want to dress up like a little boy @Vicbrenan . I don't know why that has been coming in my head for months now. I must be nuts, but that is my thought. Lord help me! Lol
  • @Vicbrenan I swear I had a feeling he liked to dress up. First it will be normal things like doctor and nurse, maybe butler and maid, but will eventually move on to little boy and baby in a diaper! LOL. I'm in rare form tonight! It must be due to the migraine headache I had all day yesterday. I'm tired now. Lol
  • @tiredmom hahahajahjahaaaa omg I love your comments, I’m dying lolllll

    Physically he was actually always very protective of me and there was no weird little boy stuff going on lol.... even with my ex he always said he wanted to beat the crap out of him or he always offered to go to the police with me so I wasn’t alone. But regardless I am able to look after that myself.

    He actually asked me a few days ago to get together too and I said no
  • I like you too @AlwaysAlex . Our problems are so terribly serious that you know sometimes it's just good for the soul to have a little fun once in awhile.
  • @AlwaysAlex I am seriously jealous! I tried to find a onesie all winter and there were none that I liked! Seriously that’s awesome; no judgement here

    And I just read your second reply @tiredmom lmao x 100000000
  • And FWIW @tiredmom I was kinda into the idea of dressing up like a sexy nurse, I already have scrubs and I brought home one of our cheap isolation stethoscopes lol, and before we got to use it he went all weird about sex. So it’s sitting in my bedside table.
  • I told you I was a little psychic @Vicbrenan . Lol
  • It might have been a little too realistic for him though haha, I remember I was giving him a foot massage one night and started talking about assisting with toe amputations and stuff in our clinic and he told me it wasn’t relaxing.... *eye roll*
  • It must be damn cold where you are @AlwaysAlex . I myself no longer own a onesie because as you get a little older it seems you are constantly needing to potty. Ir perhaps that is from the coffee and coca cola. But I used to own a pink bunny onesie with the funny toes and puffball tail. I am trying to imagine a raccoon one. That is too funny.
  • Hahaha You mean to tell me he wasn't relaxed by the thought of toe amputations! There IS something wrong with him. Lol. If that was stressful for him, then please don't ever invite him over to watch Game of Thrones. You'll certainly never get any!!
  • Lmao @tiredmom i love gamę of thrones! And he was actually laughing his ass Off. He has a hammer toe from hockey and I started off explaining a pip fusion and stuff to him because hammertoes can be fixed lol. And then it moved onto the amputations. Lol
  • I am an expert on Game of Thrones @Vicbrenan . I am absolutely obsessed and so is my whole family. We are having a big party right before the new season starts. I have my House Stark Tshirt and socks all ready. Lol
  • @tiredmom I’m an expert too lol, Ive watched it since it started and I’ve seen the whole series a number of times, I love it.

    Also I am 100% sure that since I made him wait until Thursday his impulsive urge to see me will probably have subsided. That’s also why I made him wait. Lol.

    We are in the midst of a freezing rain storm so I don’t get to go see puppies today :( she sent me a whole bunch of photos though and I wish I could show you all because they are so cute.
  • Update: I was right haha, we did not go out for lunch today. He said the boys bus was cancelled and they were home all day, my kids were too but I drive them anyway.

    However, I’m relieved. I was kind of a bitch to him about it but I don’t care. And now he’s back to asking me to get together next week. Lol. Eye roll. I’m continuing on with dating other people and stuff and not wasting my time waiting for him.

    The kids have guitar and ballet on thursdays so it was a busy night. And then we went to a Harry Potter themed night at our local Chapters. My son refused to participate lol, he hates crowds and totally shuts down.
  • Keep living your life, @Vicbrenan. When you wait around for someone, a lot of times you end up disappointed. Don't let him do that to you!
  • Totally @DeanD I feel like he is going to keep doing thing and by the time I am in a relationship he will finally say he wants to commit or something. But whatever. Like I said, not waiting. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong given his mental health stuff but whatever
  • @Vicbrenan there may be a part of you that is still hoping he will come around... but you're out there dating and not set on it.... taking care of you and your family, going about your life... good for you! i
  • @dominica I did love him so of course in a perfect world I’d love to be with him because we were a great match personality and life wise. He’s just not in a place where he’s ready to grow up and deal with his issues and may never do it. He’s been really hard to let go, and I don’t have trouble letting anyone go. I’m pretty set once I am finished with people.
  • I have the best son. Seriously, he is 8 and the sweetest guy ever. We were out at the shops last night and he asked to buy a bag of Hershey kisses to give someone at school. He has a little friend that’s a girl who he has been hanging out with. And like he doesn’t talk to very many kids, so that’s a whole thing in its own lol... so today he picked out a heart shaped tin and a heart decoration to put on the tin with his name and stuff and he’s going to fill it with the kisses. Lol I think it’s super adorable, what the hell happenss to men when they grow up?!
  • Their hormones take over and they turn into idiots @Vichrenan. No offense to the sweet guys on here! Love you guys, especially you @DeanD ! Xoxo
  • @tiredmom lmao... fair play, you’re right. I am sure @DeanD and @AlwaysAlex are both seeet guys. We are clearly talking about the rest of the male population lol
  • @Vicbrenan ah, your son is sweet!! love it!! and yes, there are definitely some great guys out there... it's sifting and sorting... :)
  • Your son sounds so adorable, @Vicbrenan. I hope he stays that way when he grows up.

    FWIW, there are still some nice guys around. I don't know if I'm one of them, but my wife and I have been happily married for 30 years, so I must be at least a little bit likable. ;)
    Happy Monday, ladies!!!
  • @AlwaysAlex haven’t heard from Mobileman since our date so I’m not very optimistic with that one lol .... haven’t heard from J so I don’t really care, I am curious as to what his next BS story will be. The guy from work is still texting lots though so who knows!? I told him that I have 3 kids and stuff too, he is 2 years younger then me but didn’t seem to care about how many kids I have, asked if I’d have more lol.

    Omg my son haha he keeps asking me how many days are till Thursday and he told me he’s going to dress nice.

    @DeanD 30 years must mean you’re doing something right!
  • You're ALOT likeable @DeanD ! If you weren't married, I'd be paying you a little visit! Lol wink wink!
  • Lol @tiredmom that’s so cute ;)

    I hope My sond little friend is happy lol, I don’t think any guy I’ve been with has celebrated Valentine’s Day at all for me.
  • Thanks, @Vicbrenan and @tiredmom. I'm 100% positive my wife doesn't stay with me because of my money, because there's not much of that around! So it must be my boyish good looks and charm! ;)
  • @tiredmom which post is yours? I thought I was following it and I don’t know which one it is now?
  • @Vicbrenan no guy has ever celebrated V day with you? well, one day i believe this will change.... for now, celebrate your big love for yourself!!! :)
  • I don't have my own post @Vicbrenan . I have only been commenting on a couple of other posts. I'm thinking you might have been following one that Deeann had on here, but it has been closed. I had a lot of comments on that one. Also on another one that is now closed. That one was called, new partner is an alcoholic should I stay.
  • @dominica nope... I’ve always been single or dated guys who “didn’t believe in it” or some other excuse. I think one year my mom gave my ex (kids dad) and I a gift card to a nicer local restaurant. But he was a nightmare to eat out with, always complained.

    I’m not really getting a vibe of interested off this guy from work either so I am just going to move on. My intuition regarding people and their level of interest is usually quite accurate, with the exception of Jason lmao... although I still feel like I know his shit well enough now to know what he’s going to do.

    I’ve basically just been picking up shifts this week. The weather is quite bad in our area and I live close to work so.

    @tiredmom thanks for clearing that up! I didn’t want to be missing out!

    And does anyone else have any plans for Valentine’s Day? I may not have a man this time but I’d love to hear about everyone else’s plans!
  • @Vicbrenan Believe it or not, yesterday I just realized it was already the 12th! Even though I have a husband I didn't really give Valentines Day much thought. Lol He puts in more of an effort than I do, but so far we have no plans. I have to take my son to an appointment that day and it is a pretty long drive and I will be home late, so have no plans. We will probably go out to dinner this weekend possibly. But I will tell you a little story that takes me back to when I had first met my husband. We had been dating pretty seriously for about 8 months. I think I was about 33 years old and was quite the terror back then. Lol Anyway, I shouldn't admit to this, but I will tell you what happened on one of my Valentines Days. I was home getting all dolled up because he was to pick me up and we were to go out for a nice dinner. I was ready and looking pretty hot and was excited for my date. Well the time had come for him to arrive and he was nowhere to be found. After about almost an hour of waiting I started to become furious!! He was still drinking at the time and I figured he must be sitting in some bar. Well that pissed me off even more. So I got in my car and drove to a couple of places I thought he might be and of course I found him at a local bar where he grew up and knew everyone in the place. So because I was livid by the time I got there, I walked in the bar and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around I slapped him in the face and literally knocked him off the bar stool. Now you have to realize he was 6'4" and 240 pounds, to my 5'4" and 110 pounds. Well of course I started yelling it is Valentines Day and I am not going to put up with someone who leaves me sitting around while he is drinking and to come to my house and get whatever he has there and don't ever call me again. The best part was all the guys started saying they would gladly take me out that night, and were asking him if he was crazy to leave that girl waiting. He was quite stunned and didn't know what to say! Lol. So when I walked out I said hey guys, I'll be back next weekend for a drink and that asshole will no longer be in the picture! Then I left. I literally made him grovel and beg for my attention for the next month before I would see him again. Of course he showed up at my house as soon as I got home and wanted to go out, but I refused. Lol. But I did end up forgiving him and had to put him in his place more than once after that but he did end up quitting drinking and not has I think it is 17 years, ZERO alcohol! He knows better! LMAO
  • Lol you’re amazing @tiredmom !!!!

    Guess who is MIA? Probably because it’s Valentines week and he’s allergic to commitment and romance lmao... Not really worried about it, I just find it totally fascinating how someone can be that whacked. My friend said he sounds like he has a personality disorder.
  • Lol @Vicbrenan The stories I could tell regarding some of my younger years and my antics! It's funny but after that happened my husband who was just my boyfriend of course would call and beg and plead for me to see him. At the time I had an answering machine in my bedroom and it held a little tape in it. I would record our conversations him groveling and pleading. Anyway, I still have the tape and once in awhile I play it in a little recorder and let him hear himself and I laugh like hell! It is really funny to both of us.
  • You might be onto something @Vicbrenan about J, being MIA. I think he IS ignoring you now because Valentines is coming up and doesn't want to feel like he needs to ask you to do something this week. Screw him. He seems like a big weirdass oaf anyway. I can't wait for the day when you are in a relationship and can tell him you have someone and don't feel it's right to have any further contact with him. Oh that day will come, I'm sure. He's a strange one and he probably has himself locked up in some closet this week he is so afraid of love and commitment. He's probably peaking around every corner making sure there are no cupids with arrows who are out to get him! LMAO
  • @tiredmom omg dying over here lollllll you’re hilarious. The funny thing is last week he was begging me to see him. Like I would ignore him and he’d keep messaging me. Lol... anyway. You’re right, I can’t wait for the day to throw it in his face that I found someone too, at this point he probably thinks I’m staying single to wait him out. Which obviously isn’t true, I’ve gone out on a few dates and chatted with other men. I’m sure it’s bothering him too that I haven’t contacted him or called him out on that lack of plans this week. He probably figured after he asked to do something this week that I’d be wondering why he hasn’t asked again. NOPE!

    I love the tape recorder thing, I wish those were still a thing lol
  • Haha that was a give fail, i tried to do the emotikon and it deleted hałd my message! Happy Valentines Day @DeanD @tiredmom @dominica @AlwaysAlex I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!!
  • @Vicbrenan well bummer about it deleting your message!!!

    and thank you!

    HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU!! Celebrate your awesome self!!

  • Happy Valentines Day @DeanD @dominica @Vicbrenan ! Nothing exciting happening here. Hubby working tonight at a little side job and I am sitting in a doctors office with my son. He and I are going to hang out with my friend tonight and have dinner at her house. That's about it. I will try to plan a little something better for the weekend with the hubby. Hope everyone is having a great day.
  • I really like this piece in today’s New York Times...

    For Valentine’s Day, Try Being Nice to Yourself

    Self-care and self-love are sooooo important!!! <3
  • Well I did ok for most of the day and now I’m a crumbling mess lol. My friend basically agreed that it’s probably going to be near impossible for me to find anyone. And pretty much every time I tell a guy I have 3 kids they run :(

    And now I miss J too. I’m really not a needy person and I’m really independent, I’ve just been a single mom for so long and it’s hard to constantly be rejected by so many men :(
  • @Vicbrenan i'm sorry you're struggling..... i imagine it does weigh on you at times...

    appreciate you sharing with us....
  • @tiredmom thank you! happy valentine's day to you too!!! i never make a big whoop about Vday.... i celebrate LOVE a lot ;) all kinds of love. friendships...family...partner...and my forum buddies!!!

    happy love life! <3
  • Haha well luckily I have a pretty fast rebound reflex, it’s all good now. I’m kind of pissed that my friend was so negative about it. It may partly be true but she could have at least agreed that men who feel that way are scum and been more positive.

    Anyway... I’m going to see the puppies this morning and then work later.

    I appreciate having you guys to chat with! I am often alone and it gets lonely. Between my work schedule and the kids and my friends personally lives I don’t get to see people very much. It helps having other people just to chat with.
  • Glad you are rebounding quickly @Vicbrenan . Don't let a Negative Nancy bring you down, for sure. You just never know when the right guy will come along. In the meantime, just enjoy your days and do things that make you happy.
  • I'm glad you're feeling better today, @Vicbrenan. And...PUPPIES!!!! They should make you feel even better!!!

    Happy Friday!!
  • Omg yes puppies, they were sooooo cute! I wish I could show you guys a pic of the one I picked out!!!

    And I finally worked with the work guy I’ve been chatting with. I’m super excited about that, I’m so shy with guys though, it’s ridiculous because I’m like 33 but still ugh lol
  • I would kill to be 33 again @Vicbrenan . You lucky girl! I remember 33 quite well. I was newly single and so was my best friend. We had such a great time and were definitely in our prime. Enjoy being young and don't stress too much over the small things. Glad you got to work with the guy you been chatting with. I wish I could give you some advice about being shy, but for myself I never had a shy bone in my body, so I can't tell you how to overcome that. Just be yourself and have fun!Damn, I want to be 33 again!!
  • Lol @tiredmom I was newly single when I was 28, and yes it was fun. A lot of my friends were single too and I did get to enjoy a lot of time with them. But over the past 5 years everyone has since married and started families or re-married etc so it’s not fun being the only single one now and any fun I have is usually on my own lol
  • Well look at it this way @Vicbrenan . If everyone else is now either married, remarried, or has someone, then the odds are pretty good you probably will find someone too. Keep the faith. Usually we meet someone right about the time we least expect it. So just keep having fun in the meantime. There are days I ask myself why in the hell do I have a husband? Lol
  • @tiredmom well you’re right about that.

    I am keeping positive about this guy from work. He knows about my kids, he seems really sweet and he has horses and has his own farm. He has one daughter. I had to get a bucket of cleaning solution and he just happened to be in the supply closet I went to and that was probably the most tense bucket filling interaction I have ever had In my life lmao. He texted me after and asked me what I thought and then we got to chat a bit later at the end of our shift. So that was nice. I’ve actuallt seen him around the hospital for several months, just never talked to him

    This is all a really interesting and new way of meeting and getting to know someone lol... like I met people this was before I met my kids dad, but it’s been a long time of conveniently chatting and meeting up with people.

    And my mom is really angry that I’m getting a dog. She hates dogs and she is pretty controlling so this is really getting her wound up
  • That's because we mothers know best @Vicbrenan . We know our kids get big ideas in their heads and then just go with it, thinking about nothing but the good aspects and get all excited about it. But I wonder if you are thinking about the accidents they have before fully trained. They cost money! It can get expensive getting their shots, buying food. Plus its one more responsibility taking care of them. Can be tough when you have to get up in the middle of the night to let them out. Not to mention the shoes, furniture and everything else that gets chewed up when they are puppies. I'll bet your mother thinks you have enough going on and enough responsibilities. Just saying girl! My daughter did the same thing and now she wishes she didn't have an animal.
  • I have had a lot of dogs in my life and I’m not worried about it. My mom genuinely is quite narcissistic and controlling. She goes through my personal mail when I’m not at home and tries to control everything she can. If I could I would cut her out of my life but I can’t find a babysitter at this point. She didn’t raise me either, she’s always been flakey and self centred. After my dad died when I was 6 my grandma pretty much raised me while my mom did whatever she wanted. She’s verbally abusive towards me and bad mouths me in front of my kids. It’s really quite something, the funniest part of the deal is that she works for the school board as a counsellor lol
  • Oh geez @Vicbrenan . I'm sorry to hear that about your mom. Grandmas are wonderful. At least mine was. I hope yours was too. I would certainly hide my personal mail and things then. Lol I guess you will have to deal with her if you need her as a babysitter. But the good news is someday your kids won't need a babysitter. Hopefully you give it back a little and don't take too much shit from her. I'm always giving my daughter my opinion, but she calls and asks for it. Lol. It seems everyone is always calling me and asking for my opinion on something. I'm about to open an office. Lol. Anyway, I guess I am not gung ho on young people who have kids and are extra busy running them here and there, having the extra responsibility of taking care of an animal. Plus my dog is getting older and starting to be a real pain in the ass. I spent $7000.00 for the little bugger to have spinal surgery and gave up my trip to Europe for him. He had a slipped disc and he was in pain and would have been paralyzed. Now he is getting older and ornery and keeps me hopping all day. Lol. So when I hear the word dog, I think Oh hell no! Lol
  • Lol I totally understand that. I don’t teally think my life is overly busy. I only work part time and then do the barn stuff and I need my dog to be suitable for he barn and horse lifestyle. I don’t really have any friends so I’m not going out and partying. I spend quite a lot of time at home and I really need the companionship of a dog.

    Other then that I wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t like animals or dogs. And I won’t end up with someone who is into travelling because of my kids lol.

    This guy from work is always texting me but he has made any move at an actual date lol
  • Hope you’re doing well @Vicbrenan I too know about special needs children, my 12 year old daughter has a rare syndrome that effects every cell and function in her body. Makes life get pretty heavy at times when the mind thinks of what she’s been through and faces in the future! Hopefully your son is doing well along with yourself and your other children!
  • @WonderingOne my goodness that sounds tough! Im Herę if you ever need to talk about it! Being a parent is such a tough and winding journey and we never know what’s going to be dealt out to us. My son is so sweet and loving and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. There’s things I wish I could change and make easier for him but that’s life eh.
  • Good luck with the guy from work, @Vicbrenan. I met my wife at work. I'll never forget the first time I saw her. She came down to use the copying machine that was next to my desk because the machine on her floor was broken. It was love at first sight. *sigh* <3
  • Omg @DeanD I love that! It’s so sweet and I really honestly hate how hard it is to meet people in sweet ways like that!

    I saw him last night too, he worked the shift after me but wanted to chat for a few minutes before I left. He seems really sweet so far. And I’m not getting any weird player vibes off him. Soooo fingers crossed he asks me out on a date, I’m starting to like him a lot.

    Hope everyone had a great weekend! Anyone do anything exciting?
  • Hello @Vicbrenan Glad you're getting a good vibe from the guy at work. Sounds like he does have some interest. Perhaps he is a little shy. Hopefully you're wearing perfume and carrying your lipstick in your pocket. Lol. I had a good weekend. Friday night my husband and I went out for steak and lobster dinner, which was nice. He was working a side job Saturday and Sunday so my son and I went to lunch and I dragged him along while I looked for a new picture for my study which I am painting and redoing for MYSELF! I'm turning it into my own little sanctuary and giving it a feminine flair . At one point my son piled all his own junk in it and took over the room. While he was in rehab I took it all out and put it in his room. I told him if he didn't like it he can find his own house and do whatever he wants. So yesterday I painted the bottom half of the walls below the chair rail. It's going to be beautiful and I am really excited about it. Good luck with the guy at work. You might want to lick your lips every once in awhile while chatting it up with him. He'll be thinking about it all day! Lol
  • @tiredmom trust me, I’ve been bringing it to work haha. Wearing my “nice” hospital clothes, I’ve got my lipstick and hairbrush haha... He’s been telling me when he’s working though so it’s made it easier lol. I’m pretty charming and funny in person so I’m playing on that card haha. There’s a really hot doctor that I see all the time too, I don’t talk to him other then hi or whatever but he’s ridiculously good looking so I can’t help but want to look a little better at work haha

    That sounds really exciting! I love decorating and working on my house. I’m currently working on my office area too, it has an entire wall of mirrors so I’ve moved some stuff around to make it a yoga/ballet area for me and the girls. I’m glad you made your own study though! You deserve a nice girly space :)
  • @Vicbrenan i'm so sorry you had to deal with a mom who couldn't be there for you the way you needed.... no wonder you attracted someone who was selfish!! it is quite familiar to you! (so watch for those red flags, i know you know that)

    dogs are therapeutic...and a barn! do you have horses? nature is great too. do your kids like to be outside playing? maybe it's winter now where you live though lol

    interesting about your mom being a counselor... too bad she hasn't ever "done the inner healing work"...

    hope you're having a good day!!
  • @dominica you are probably right about attracting what’s familiar. I do know some red flags but I always get torn with what’s a red flag and what I’m just being overly cautious or unfair about.

    For example this guy at work, is it a red flag if he doesn’t text me every day? Or am I just being dramatic and overly expectant?

    I never quite understand how long you should give someone to choose to date you also.

    I’m probably missing a bunch of things I should be bringing up haha
  • @Vicbrenan i hear you... i think if i ever have to date again... the number one thing i would be looking for and asking about: "what was your childhood like?" but not to be unfair to those who had dysfunctional ones... my second question..."and what inner healing work have you done"? ok ok... this is just me, but those who have not taken the time and resources to work on healing old wounds... red flag. i don't want to be the one "doing the work" when sh&t hits the fan and they're reverting back to their 5 y/o wounded child... ;) or at least willing to work on healing any emotional wounds... b/c conflict will come at some point...and then what? run? shut down? give cold shoulder? yell? drink? at nearly 50, i'd be looking for someone emotionally mature or working on it... if that makes sense.

    the texting thing... some guys/gals just aren't regular texters. have an honest and open conversation about this... b/c it trips a lot of people up. if you would like a text every day, speak it. if he doesn't want to, let him speak it and you accept or keep it moving...

    i have no idea about the time frame for date.... haha
  • @dominica that’s a good question to ask people re:childhoods

    Well over the past month he’s txted quite regularly, not necessarily every day. So maybe I just need to relax.
  • Yes @Vicbrenan you just need to relax. Him not texting every day tells me he is someone who has a life and won't be the kind of guy who is needy and constantly up your ass. If you are hearing from him often though, then that's a good thing. If 3-4 days go by and there is no text, then I would worry. There is a chance he is the kind of person who starts out slowly. I would keep it light, with a bit of SUBTLE flirting and if he doesn't take the bait, I would figure he is just looking to be friends. Only patience and time will tell. In the meantime, just have fun. I love the idea of you having a yoga/ballet area for yourself and girls! I love ballet. I took classes for about 8 years. I wanted to dance professionally, but then I got this boyfriend that became my new passion. Ugh! So I traded my ballet for the village idiot. Teenage hormones are a curse. And sometimes adult ones are too! Lol
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