Attachment disorder

Hello

I have an attachment disorder.  I did not have any attachments as a child; I was abandoned as a child and abused by my foster carers.  I now seek out women who are a certain amount older than me and latch on to them...I'm 32.

I'm missing my old therapist right now.  Really missing her.  I feel this hole inside me.  I know it's not the therapist I am missing but rather the mother I didn't have.

This is what I struggle with on a daily basis and what drives me to substances.  I'm out of modafinil right now but all I'm thinking about is ordering more; my partner is back at work in a week or so, so I can order more and the chances are she will be out of the house when they get delivered.

I try really hard to manage these feelings in a more productive way.  I know I need to go through some type of grieving process but I can't do that alone.  It means finding another therapist which, apart from the obvious problems, I simply cannot afford.

FML.
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  • I was reading up a little on that disorder. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that. But the article I was reading said it is important as a supporter to stay positive. This is a great platform to seek out positive support. Read through the articles and keep educating us on your disorder, using as many medical terms as possible - this will help us be able to do more correct research that might help. You have your whole life ahead of you. It took a lot of courage to open up like that. Thanks for sharing. 
  • I believe I had a bit of this with my partners, it was because I was so afraid of abandonement, a few that is still very present in me!  It's terrible, I attached to terrible people and when it was the end I did feel like it was the end of the world.  I didn't go thru the normal process  you are supposed to go thru after a break up. 

    I was so wrong, I linked sex with acceptance and closeness, but I was oh so wrong!  I grew up in a dysfunctional home, so I knowe how you feel. My mother wouldn't play with me,  say something sweet to me or even look at me most of the time... So I think that played a big role too.

    Have you tried NLP?  I have and I must say it has helped a lot, you should read more on the topic.  I have managed to rid myself from those feelings and fears of abandonement, rejection and vulnerability.  I think expressing one's feeling is key too, I had been harbouring a lot resentment towards someone, but 2 days ago I let it all out.  I didn't care to look vulnerable anymore or keep face, I just said everything I wanted to say and feel free!!! For reals.... the remorse seems to be gone!

    We have been raised to beleive certain feleings are bad or negative and we should keep it to ourselves, but that is so wrong!  That is a sure way to poison our bodies and souls!  Look at me, I was so full of resentment just one week ago and now I no longer wake up with that weird feeling in my chest.

    If you can't afford a therapist then do something it's close to it... keep a private diary!  I keep mine online and believe me, that diary has been my guide in all this. I can be 100% honest with it and never hold back anything, I end up feeling so good after I write on it.  Try it!
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