I Am Not My Codependency: A Poem

(I wrote this 1.5 years ago...just when I was getting hardcore into recovery. Thought I'd share.)

I Am Not My Codependency: A Poem

 

I struggle with codependency so they say

This means that I’m feeling sad inside just about every
day

See, I want to please everyone around me so badly

That’s about the only thing that makes me feel happy,
sadly

When they say “Oh thank you! You are so sweet and
thoughtful!”

I smile. And I don’t smile that often.

Experts say I’m this way because of early childhood
trauma

That doesn’t seem fair at all

Were my needs not met? Did I feel completely alone and
unloved?

I must have because that’s how I feel a lot of the time
now.

Inner childhood wounds come back to haunt us?

That bites.

I’m trying to have a relationship and it’s so toxic we
both are going crazy.

They say opposites attract and unconsciously we attracted
each other

And began an addictive dance that slowly destroyed our
spirits.

It’s not all my fault. It’s not all her fault.

It’s both of us and our lack of knowledge and growth.

Codependency is a silent killer of relationships.

So is emotional manipulation.

I found out I’m petrified of being alone.

When we break up my insides are a mess.

I’m like a drug addict going through withdrawal.

We’re so confused and hurting each other and don’t even
know why.

I’ve become so bitter and angry and sad.

No matter what I say or do I seem to hurt her and I don’t
even know how I do it.

I used to like myself and be strong.

But life’s circumstances and emotional manipulation made
me break.

And when I fight to draw a boundary line

It never goes well.

Drama, mistrust, jealousy, control, manipulation, pride,
ego, selfishness

What kind of relationship is that?

One that needs to end.

And it has.

Before it’s too late, we finally made a choice.

Break the addiction. Draw the lines.

Get some much needed help and for god’s sake grow.

Fill the void with the only Love that matters

Become strong one day at a time

Join with others on a quest to find self

And begin taking good care of self

I am not my codependency. No, not anymore.

It has been a long time coming.

I am a radiant spirit growing stronger each day

I’m beginning to love myself and remember the feeling of
peace

But some days I still cry

I still feel alone sometimes

I share my story so others can know

They are not their codependency either.

It’s never too late to wipe the slate clean and begin
anew

I don’t know much, but one thing I do

There is hope. There is most definitely hope.

And help for codependency.

 

I am not my codependency.

And neither are you.

 

 

 



  • 27 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • This is so raw and full of powerful emotion. It’s incredibly brave of you to share this. Thank you. There’s a lot here that I, and I’m sure many others, can relate to.

    I think I’ve sensed for a while that I have codependent tendencies, and as a result I’ve mostly been avoiding forming relationships with people. Only when I gave said tendencies the opportunity to rear their ugly heads did I realize I needed to deal with the problem. And overcoming it may not be the easiest process. For me it’s still ongoing. But it’s true that it’s absolutely possible, and absolutely worth it.
  • Wow. I don't know why, but there is something about your poem that has really affected me in a way. I have somehow felt all your emotions just by reading your work. I know that all those words came from the bottom of your heart. Really moving, and I am absolutely in awe right now. Thank you so much for sharing. 
  • thank you! @littlecowprint  yes, when single, much of the time coda characteristics don't show up...but in a rel. they sure can!  i'm grateful for that toxic relationship now, because it caused me to really dig deep and contend with some old wounds and trauma...to acknowledge some things and decades of stuffed feelings....so that i could discover myself...a love for myself...and freedom.

    and it's been super good!  

    thanks @dyanmarie25. :) 
  • I like your style of writing. I see that you have very excellent literature skills. Thanks for sharing the poem because it is very edifying and encouraging. You put the words together flowing coherently yet also bring across your reasoning strongly.
  • this is so so beautiful and so raw and honest. I find myself relating to this poem on such a painful level. It's so deep and really is amazing. i love your writing style and its clear you really do have a beautiful talent. Well done.
  • @dominica You’re very welcome! And I can relate to that as well. My dalliance earlier this year didn’t last long, but it was enough for me to realize that it was about to turn extremely toxic if I’d stuck around. And that wasn’t completely the other party’s fault. So in a way I’m glad I went through that, because it made me much more aware of my blind spots.
  • Beautiful indeed.

    Similar to @LittleCowprint I also feel like I exhibit codependent tendencies. My relationship with my mom growing up was pretty toxic - not physical abuse but emotional manipulation and so forth - and I find that it's still hard now (even being married) to deal with some emotions. I do have a lot of jealousy issues, I am pretty needy at times, but then I also have moments where I shut myself off and try to pretend I don't care either.

    I think awareness is one of the biggest steps to working on something though - so that is helping!
  • This is quite a wonderful piece thanks for sharing :) I am  a Poet myself and I do believe that writing is one outlet we can resort to in order to express how we feel and after that, we may feel relieved and good. Writing is a form of therapy, Psychology states. Your piece evokes your transition to recovery which is full of positivity. 
  • Beautiful poem Dominica, beautiful. thanks for sharing. for some reason I can relate to your poem a lot. especially the childhood truama and it poping up can causing pain even after many years later.
  • There isn't really anything to say after reading that. The words express the troubles and I'm sure we can in one way be able to relate to everything that's written, but others might not have been able to find the right words as you did or find the strength to share it.


  • That is heartbreaking and really hits home. I completely understand how you feel. No, I am not my codependency. Very beautiful words. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
  • This a really nice poem. I also started writing, but my creations have no rhyme, and are really macabre. They are usually about the twisted, horrible world inside my head and depression, feelings of grief over the happy times, loneliness and the lack of love. And what I don't understand it that even if I want someone to hold and cuddle with during those nights, the concept of relationship repulses me.
  • @nergaahl  thank you. poems never have to rhyme or make sense...i love poetry and well, i honor anything people write. it's their creation....no right or wrong.

    i've written during grief and loneliness too. people need to hear these things because so many struggle...yet so many wear a happy mask...and won't share their inner truth...

    some people want someone during those times...others don't. i vary. i def want safety...to just be me no matter what mood i'm in and to feel safe with someone.  i think a potential partner must get this..to provide a safe place for their partner to JUST BE...even if they are depressed or confused or whatever. like, have enough self-love and joy that you're not dependent upon someone else...

    interesting you say relationship repulses you. i get it that some people don't desire a relationship, but that's a strong feeling.  what is it that repulses you? (you don't have to answer, dear. just curious :) )
  • @dominica It may sound weird, but I don't want to be in a "relationship" even if I love the person so much. This concept seems something that society imposes on us, I mean why can't two persons love each other without being in a "relationship"? Because if they don't do so, people will say that it's nothing serious between them, that the love won't last, and other such things. Why do you need a "relationship" to be able to love someone? The same things goes on with marriage as well. It's just a stupid etiquette to show to others, which, after all, are not part of that "relationship".

    I understand that not so many people see things the same way as I do though, and if the person I love really wants us to be in a relationship, then I won't say no, just for her sake.
  • @nergaahl thanks for sharing. i suppose i am conditioned by society....but i do say to each their own!  yes, two people can love each other....and not call it a relationship...  the marriage thing...well, many of us scratch our heads with that institution...

    all very interesting indeed! :)
  • This is a lovely poem! I especially love the last two lines. Thank you so much for posting it! Writing poetry can be such a healing experience, in my opinion. It's a great alternative to journaling, also.
  • Your poem brought me to tears because I can relate to this entirely. I am also someone that is a co-dependent. You wrote this poem in such a real way, that it pulled at my heart strings. As a co-dependent, it is so hard to recognize the faults we have in depending on other people. I spent most of my life trying to create happiness for others, while suffering myself.
  • @alexiskilgannon thanks for sharing.  good news is that we can learn from life...getting out of toxic relationship for me was HUGE....then taking time single to really work on me...setting boundaries and communicating my needs i had to learn...also knowing that what i want matters.  dealing with fear of abandonment...people pleasing..so much!  it's been a journey for sure, but now i can appreciate so much in life and freedom feels so good.  of course, i'm in my 40's now, so maybe i'm a slow learner, but at least i'm learning and can now help others! :)

    today we can love ourselves first....create our own happiness first...then take it from there. abraham hicks taught me a lot on the topic of my taking responsibility for creating my own happiness rather than look to others for it.

    stay on the journey of recovery....it can get so much better!
  • Beautiful and thanks for sharing! I hope there is a way we can get out there and share this with everyone struggling. It's really good to know that you have become inspired to write during a difficult time and hope this inspires everyone to stay on the right path. All the best to you!
  • You should consider writing other poems. This one is so inspiring. I wish i had a private blog, i would have hired you to express your talent more.
  • Wow Dominica! I was blown away by your poem. It was beautiful. I can really relate with some of the things that you wrote in the poem. I'm happy that you were able to overcome your addiction and that you have become such a an inspiration to others in similar circumstances to yours. I hope that though once you felt small, that you now feel big.
  • @ellyjude thank you! i do write poetry... and i have a blog :) i love writing!! :)  if you want to have a blog, do it. it's so therapeutic and fun.

    @MichelleVL thank you so much! i love how you said that: "i hope that though you once felt small, that you now feel big"....i do indeed!!!  so many lessons learned along the way and freedom from addiction feels so good! thanks for sharing!
  • @dominica kindly give me a link to your blog. I would like to read more of your work.
  • This is a beautiful poem and so well written. It really touches my heart. You certainly have away with words. I can see my fiance in so much of what you have written. His entire life has been one of turmoil. He needs to get the help he needs before it is too late. Thank you for sharing this. You have touched my soul.  Thanks for sharing the link for your blog. I will definitely be checking it out.
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