Has a Narcissist made you sick - literally


I read this article and it literally gave me chills. I know a narcissist and the pain they have inflicted on a family for generations. This article states not to wait for the narcissist to get sick and die - that being around them, it will end up being the rest of the family that gets sick and dies first.  I know that's morbid, but, it is exactly what has happened in my situation with the narcissist - one very early death and one severe stress related illness. 

Maybe it is just a coincidence. But I did get chills because this article really hit home.
  • 18 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • I've dealt with a narcissist for a very long time, considering she's my mother, and I hate that some people just blame them for that. Generally narcissists can't help that they're that way and while it IS very stressful and sometimes downright depressing to deal with them you can't just want them to hit rock bottom. Just cut them out of your life as much as needed and see if they get better. 
    But that is a great article. I got chills too.
  • Narcissist are the way they are because it is the only way they know how to cope. It is part of a self preservation mode they developed because of some trauma in their own life. If you look at it from that perspective it is so much easier to take what they dish with a grain of salt. If you have no idea what they are all about it is easy to find yourself in a position where you literally feel sick from all the games and stress.

    With that being said I agree it is usually better to stay away from these type of people, really limit your exposure. Sometimes though if it is a direct relative or even your own child this can be close to impossible to do. Interestingly once a person with NPD becomes self aware, they do sometimes have motivation to try and tone it down, but they may never be able to change completely. Eventually they all bottom out and that is the worst.
  • I was in a relationship with a (female) narcissist and was subject to narcissistic abuse for well over a decade.  I also have children with her.  It really depends on what type of narcissism you are dealing with, as to whether others around them will get sick first.  What I do know, is that my narcissist made me extremely ill during my late twenties and early thirties, to the point where I almost experienced death a few times.  Unless you have a narcissist in your life, no article will be able to accurately portray just how demanding, difficult and soul-destroying dealing with such people can be.
  • Some people worship themselves, they think they are the only ones who have reason, my dad is like that, but I never paid him great attention lol or else our relation would be in trouble. Deep down he's a good guy.
  • Unfortunately, I am living with a narcissist at the moment.  Reading that article made me psychically sick and it really hit close to home for me too. I used to think our problems were my fault but turns out there is little to nothing I could to solve these problems. It is not always so easy to dump these types of people or get away from them, however, articles like these gives me courage. Thank you very much for sharing that link!
  • SunnyDaze, what you said is very true. Once you are aware you are dealing with NPD, it's like the curtain is lifted, everything makes sense, it is much easier to break free from the narcissist's spell. But if you are unaware with what you are dealing with, the stress and mental mind games can wreck havoc on you and break you.

    I can not explain how deeply this article hit home, because one of my narcissist's mind games was "do what I want, because I am so sick I'm going to die any day".  But in the end it was another one of us who died early instead, and the narcissist is still alive and well, going on about about their impending death as way to still get control and sympathy.
  • @Diane That's absolutely another way that narcissists manipulate and control people - by attaining sympathy from them which they are good at exploiting because they have no empathy of their own.  This allows them to do to it other people without so much as a flinch and without feeling guilty or shameful.  Since leaving my narcissist, I have become a researcher and writer into Narcissistic Personality Disorder and have written numerous articles and a book about it - I turned all those negative experiences into something positive.  Most of the time that I was with her I was suicidal.
  • @Androl I would love to read some of your books and articles. The more I read, the more the spell has been broken and I'm not emotionally attached anymore. Right before learning about NPD in women, I was just about on the verge of a breakdown, because of all the life threatening health related twists and turns my narc was subjecting me to. I flipped out at one point and said, you know, my doctor has prescribed me valium to help me calm down from the stress of all your antics! They looked at me so baffled and perplexed, like they simply could not wrap their head around the fact they could cause me so much suffering. Just watching their face showed me they were trying to empathize but absolutely could not! So of course that turned on me, and how dare I accuse them of being the cause of all my problems, blah blah...
    I almost think it was divine intervention, the day I opened a webpage describing word for word my entire experience and showing me what NPD is like in women. 
  • Well, I haven't dealt with anyone who has serious narcissist personality yet. If I ever meet someone with that case, I will just probably let him/her worship or praise himself/herself. As long as that someone is not making me feel worst, I'm fine with that.
  • @dyanmarie25
    That's the thing though. Narcissistic abuse is so subtle and so insidious that you won't even notice it beginning to happen until it's way too late, usually several years into a relationship with someone who is a narcissist. Then, by the time you do find out, all of your resources have all been cleverly stripped away while you weren't looking and you have no place left to turn. That's how narcissistic abuse works - they lull you into a trap and misdirect your attention so they can dissect your livelihood while your head is turned and it's not gullibility, it's suggestibility. The more intelligent and switched on you are, the easy it makes them for you to be exploited.
  • I agree intelligence has nothing to do with it, they can just as easily entrap an intelligent person as an unintelligent one. It is all about personal information, gathering everything on you to know how they can play to your weaknesses and exploit you to do what they need. If you're intelligent they'll make you out to be a professor, playing to your ego to win you over. Then they'll figure out your insecurities and start to slip things into conversations to make you question yourself and it goes from there.

    It is amazing how well planned and vicious it all is, but also how textbook and similar they all act. I really find it fascinating that all these narcs don't know each other, this stuff isn't talked about, but they all use the same ammo and they all play the same twisted games. If one of them sets their sights on you, you'll never in a million years figure out they are a narcissist until it is too late. 
  • @Diane ; I don't think I agree they all do it the same way. I have come upon a more then one and there is a difference. I think it is possible to be a narcissist without being NPD. My present boss is just a narcissist, she uses charm and sexuality to get what she wants, she is not ruthless and vicious but extremely self occupied only caring about herself. In comparison I know someone else that is full blown NPD and I have to tell you the difference is night and day. The methods are no where near similar.

    I have also read that those with NPD have no sense of empathy, I don't think it is true. If you listen and watch carefully you can see they do indeed have very deep seated feelings. They are aware of right and wrong.  A person with NPD does feel guilt for the things they do, they also have deep fear and anger. I think this is what drives them into some of their antics, it's sort of a "I have to hurt you before you hurt me thing."  If there seems to be any sort of emotional attachment that forms the person with NPD begins to see you as an extension of themselves because they cannot tell where the mirror begins and ends. You have to keep in mind to them it is all about self reflection and if they see the things they wish they were in you- thats what they reflect back. This is all fine and dandy to the mirror starts to crack  (cognitive dissonance). In fact because they "feel" worthless deep inside the terrible things they do to others becomes like the catalyst that they then use as self justification for their own self hate. How long can you hate yourself before you have to disengage and be someone else? and so around and around it goes.

    I think education is the best way to handle someone that is NPD. Once you have experienced it first hand, and you actually get to understand why a person is like that- it becomes easier to understand and anticipate what will happen. It's like the venom is removed but you still can and do get bit. I wonder and would love to read on instances where a narc has hit rock bottom and managed to overcome the bad programing that keeps them in this terrible cycle. They say with any compulsion or addiction the best method to change the behavior is to change the stimuli (break from the norm, and change the neuro paths with a different stimulus -audio, visual, scent etc) In a way because the NPD came from trauma to begin with, it is as if the individual is just in a hyper state of PTSD themselves.  Thoughts on this?
  • @Diane
    The more intelligent you are, the easier it will be for a narcissist to exploit and manipulate you. It has nothing to do with being weak-minded or gullible. People who are more intelligent are better at following orders and following guidelines therefore they are easier to manipulate with the use of subliminal commands and persuasion, making them believe it's for a cause and even benefiting from it until the narcissist chooses to use the real reason they lulled them into that situation - a bit like being lulled into a false sense of security.

    It's easily possible for someone to be narcissistic without having the full-blown personality disorder. Additionally, many narcissists may display different traits to others - they are not all the same.There are also various subtypes of narcissism - covert narcissism, classic narcissism, inverted narcissism, cerebral narcissism, somatic narcissism, etc.
  • This article is limited due to the spectrum of Narcissistic
    Personality Disorder being very wide.

    The DSM5 states re: the ten personality disorders cluster
    B, Narcissistic Personality Disorder being one of ten... “
    It is important
    to remember that everyone can exhibit some of these personality traits from
    time to time. To meet the diagnostic requirement of a personality disorder,
    these traits must be inflexible; i.e., they can be repeatedly observed without
    regard to time, place, or circumstance. Furthermore, these traits must cause
    functional impairment and/or subjective distress. Functional impairment means
    these traits interfere with a person's ability to functional well in society.
    The symptoms cause problems with interpersonal relationships; or at work,
    school, or home. Subjective distress means the person with a personality
    disorder may experience their symptoms as unwanted, harmful, painful,
    embarrassing, or otherwise cause them significant distress. Richer, more
    detailed descriptions of these disorders are found in the section describing
    the four core features of personality disorders.” 

    Many that aspire to the highly competitive
    and potentially financially lucrative professions, e.g.
    performing arts,
    professional sports / athletes and securities / stock brokers (Wall Street),
    Madison Avenue, etc. tend to be narcissistic. Generally,
    one has to be narcissistic in order to be successful in many of
    these fields. The Western celebrity culture, especially the USA, makes some
    of the narcissist’s rich.

    As Andy Warhol said, “In the future everyone
    wil be famous for 15 minutes.”

    Many addicts are Narcissistic and Sociopathic.


  • "Generally,one has to be narcissistic in
    order to be successful in many of these fields. The Western celebrity
    culture, especially the USA, makes some of the narcissist’s rich."

    I think this statement
    really helps one tell the difference between someone that is just
    narcissistic as opposed to having a malignant narcissistic personality
    disorder.  When it is the latter MNPD, you tend to find the amount of
    success they have actually obtained in life is really not substantial
    because they are not able to maintain the positions they think they
    deserve,  Although both types of narcissists can sweet talk and
    manipulate the ones that suffer from the deep seated personality
    disorder eventually cycle backwards when they are faced with any serious
    degree of focus on them. Especially if it is critical or about one of
    their perceived short comings.  I understand it is because they are not
    able to face their own short comings in a way that can lead to actual
    personal growth. they may adapt on the outside as far as appearances are
    concerned but on the inside the anxiety and self loathing can be so bad
    that keeping any career is close to impossible. In essence the person
    with a personality disorder will start to shut down, they might become
    depressed and they very well might suddenly pull up stakes and move on
    to a new horizon without really thinking it all thru. How often can most
    people do stuff like that before it starts to effect them in some
    fashion? The dissonance between the fantasy reality and the way they
    feel inside becomes to great.
  • I just got out of a 5 month relationship with a full blown NPD guy. Thank God it only lasted a few months, but there was enough abuse to fuck with my head and experience feeling physically ill. The two times I felt so ill around him was when we both were a bit inebriated and I felt not as in control of myself. The first time, I could tell he sensed that I was a bit more vulnerable than usual and he took the opportunity to be particularly mind-twisting. It wasn't just gaslighting...it was very intentional, almost pathological, mind twisting for his sadistic pleasure. He's very smart, well, book learned and he likes to use his knowledge to go on and on in depth beyond any real interest I had about a topic. He wanted center stage and command of the situation - like an acor on a stage and I was his audience. And that's one thing. But it's another when you start to feel like he's just a fly caught on flypaper and he's just going to keep telling his stories without giving any concern that you're there and a part of the conversation. And in his "stories" are all kinds of put downs mixed with word salad and a dash of crazy making. And he's enjoying your disconnectedness and confusion. At one point, I took his hands and asked him directly to be with me - as in connected. He was just not there...emotionally vacant. It had gave me such a cold chill of fear, I felt a wave run through my body of visceral panic. I had to leave the room to go throw up. He came in to hold my hair back, but derided me the whole time. It was so clear to me what I was in. I was almost thankful to see him become more full blown, yet still terrified because every bone in my body wanted to flee his house as soon as possible. I made up a reason to leave, and suddenly, it was like he sort of popped back into his body...he became more of the guy I originally met. He wanted to come with me and was suddenly being sweeter. But I wasn't convinced. I literally was trying to hold myself together in order to get out of the house. As I left, I got into the car and only drove about a hundred feet and projectile vomited into the passenger side of my car. It was so violent and incontrollable. There was another time this happened in a similar fashion. He was just waiting for me to get tipsy and available for extreme manipulation and I had the same reaction. It took a few more strange episodes for me to finally get away from him, because as most narcissists are, he was charming, talented and smart. All alluring qualities. But that feeling so vehemently ill was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. It was beyond normal. It was like the true feeling of fear I can only imagine if I were in the hands of a psychopath and I knew my life was in immediate danger. Trust your instincts. I went on another 2 months for more bullshit. I am still experiencing PTSD  - after only 5 months with this guy. So I can only imagine what it's like for people who've spent years in this kind of relationship. I know my mom was on the NPD spectrum - and was a diagnosed schizoid with alcoholism to self medicate, so it's not surprising I attracted this kind of person into my life. But even after years of counseling and therapy, these beings are incredible stealth at sneaking under the radar. But yes, I felt physically ill and can only imagine it getting worse over time. I have never met such a bait and switch person in my life. I could not believe who this man was turning into. Mind shattering...but I am getting better day by day. 
  • My mom is one...along with having OCD, severe anxiety, possibly bipolar disorder, and is completely unmedicated because she believes nothing is wrong with her. Oh. And I currently live with her.

    I'm on half a dozen psych meds to cope with my own crippling anxiety and PTSD, made much worse due to her behavior. I came back from vacation tonight and she picked me up, we weren't even out of the airport parking lot before I was a shaking mess due to her behavior.
  • Hmm, I think my bio dad  definitely suffers from this, he shows a different face to others,  everyone thinks is a saint, only me and my mom know who he really is.  And yes, me and my mom got very sick thanks to him, thanks to all those awful times he just started fights or threatened to do something, etc.  Living with a person who is like this will definitely eat you from inside out...
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