The frustration of depression.

I'm posting this for myself as a means of getting it out there but feedback is definitely appreciated. I've been struggling with depression since 2007. I had just started college in 2007 and found myself having extreme difficulties maintaining high marks and keeping myself motivated as a result of feeling depressed all the time. I didn't think that it was that big of a deal because I really didn't know what was going on at the time. This was definitely uncharacteristic for the kind of person that I am and the work ethic that I live by. Depression went undiagnosed until 2012 when it became so severe that it began to affect my career and professional life. As far as therapy goes, I've been seeing a psychiatrist once a month for the last couple of years for medication adjustments etc., and a counselor one to two times a month but I am beginning to find that it is going to be necessary to find new doctors. We aren't communicating so well. I've been struggling to get on board with various methods for coping - which includes reaching out and community involvement. I took up marathon running a couple of years ago but had to stop after I was in a serious motor vehicle accident which left me with a bad spine and now I'm in constant pain. It's been one struggle after another. It seems that as soon as I find a solid coping method that I can really get myself involved in it almost seems as if something happens to make using those methods more difficult. In addition to my depression having returned full force within the last few months I'm finding myself in constant pain and despite reaching out so much in the last couple of years I'm beginning to find it difficult to even want to ask for help. I'm tired all the time. All I want to do anymore is sleep. I lack motivation and the desire to do things that I've always enjoyed doing. The depression definitely seems like it has kicked back in and it's already been affecting my personal life including relationships... with the depression coming back its old friend anxiety seems to be showing her face as well and I'm beginning to fear that this may never go away. It seems that it will always be a constant struggle living with depression, anxiety, and now chronic pain. Everything is going considerably well in my life and despite all of this, why am I continuously finding myself feeling depressed time and time again?

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  • @witheredbrain hello and welcome to the forum.  thank you for sharing. it does seem like you've had some challenges...and i do admire your courage to seek counseling and different coping skills.....

    i'm sorry you are in constant pain. i'm sure this can wear on your entire being.

    how about trying some alternative methods?  if something isn't working, try something else. try everything else. haha just kidding.

    for me...i had to change counselors once, but i really did a lot of inner work on my own.  i read a lot of books, watched youtube videos....did a bit of 12 step work...and tried new hobbies. it was a real journey for sure. 

    i will offer you hope in saying that i do think there is a solution...

    for me it was a mixture of meditation, prayer, educating myself on addiction, depression, and listening to motivating audios a lot..still do. music helps me. got some reiki, massages, acupuncture, began exercising (walking mainly)...found a spiritual center to attend...went to a retreat...seminar...workshops...made a couple of new friends, etc.

    it seems it has become a cycle. like, from an energetic viewpoint, you've got a lot of stuck energy.....which requires movement to start flowing freely again. you can get movement in various ways (the chinese use acupuncture to move energy) 

    i do wish the best for you. we are here to support and encourage you!!!
    don't give up!
  • Hello there @witheredbrain! Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story to us here. Well, I am sorry to hear about what you're currently going through. I could totally feel how sad and melancholic you are right now. Anyway, I sometimes do feel just like that as well. There would be times that I would feel depressed even though things are going pretty fine with my life. I guess this is just one of the phases you have to go through. Maybe you should take a little break from reality for a while, like a short vacation somewhere peaceful. This might help you gain a positive outlook in life. Stay strong.

    All the best!

  • All of us at one point in our life will surely experience depression whether we like it or not. Our life in this world is not always be that good and there will bad days as well. If we are in pain, fear, worries and in stress we will surely be emotionally depress in our life. Just take it easy and don't let depression to ruin your life. Focus yourself on things that will makes you busy and that will give you peace of mind and for sure you will noticed that little by little you are already fighting your depression.
  • It seems as though the pain is making you more depressed. I do believe that once you can sort this out, the rest will be easier to deal with. It's clear that you need to see a chronic pain specialist as your current pain management plan isn't working. Once you've had this burden lifted from you, life will seem a little easier and you'll be better equipped to deal with your anxiety and depression. Oh yeah, pain management does NOT always mean painkillers by the way so don't be worried that the doc will turn you into a pill freak. 
  • I appreciate the insight and support, it certainly helps having different perspectives from multiple individuals. That, I am thankful for. Pain management has been an iffy topic for me the last few years. About three years ago I did begin taking pain medication but preferred not to take them. I'm active in recovery - namely alcohol. I did not have a problem with prescription medication, I just didn't like the way that they made me feel. I deferred pain medication for the last few years and have finally been reconsidering that option - acupuncture is an option that has been resurfacing over and over again lately. I'm going to give that a try for certain. It hasn't been an easy conclusion to come to. Where I am right now, organizing and prioritizing has been helping me out to some degree. A little organization can go a long way.

    I've been prescribed various medications for anxiety and depression. It's time to reconsider that option again as well.

    The way that I'm beginning to see where I am in my life right now - a lot of the stress and frustration is career related. I happen to be involved in a particular line of work where your time isn't necessarily your time. I haven't been able to do my main job for at most two years consecutively... so I've been giving the liberty of polishing a seat with my rear end and even that is becoming difficult to do with chronic pain and other difficulties stemming from depression and disability. I'm in the process of getting out of my career for medical reasons but goodness, it is one long and drawn out process. I look forward to being able to return to a University setting full-time - which is another thing that helps in its own way with all of this; setting goals and having something greater to look forwards to.

  • Keep in mind that depression doesn't always have a specific reason. At least not one you could figure out. I was just like you, just that I had insomnia and not even sleep could save me.

    Starting new things and finding new hobbies really helps. Everything was the same, I wanted to give up and end my life more and more as time passed by. Then, one rainy day, I woke up and had a revelation: "Today I'm starting to learn music!". I was able to play guitar, but I can't say I knew any theory, and as I am a person who really loves art mixed with a bit of science, that was my pillar of strength and the thing that saved me.

    I can't guarantee it will be the same for you, as everyone is different, but if you start seeking and learning new things you will eventually find something you will love doing and forget about depression. Good luck!
  • Perhaps, prayer and meditation will give you the time you need to build individuality. Sometimes, it is hard to mentally picture yourself because of confidence issues. For this very reason, prayer and meditation will allow you to see yourself in the upmost fashion. Hope this helps, God Bless!
  • Hi there, sadly depression doesn't follow any kind of logic or rules :(  It doesn't matter how good things are going in our life, the depression will always find a way to slide in.   It always does :(  But don't worry, in severe cases it is not shameful or bad at all to get meds to control that.  If you ever feel too overwhelmed or that depression is impacting your quality of life and the quality of life of everyone around you, then  do get help.  
  • It sounds like you have had your fair share of challenges in your life. I am glad that you are willing to share them with us as an outlet for your feelings. Sometimes, that will make us feel a little bit better about our situation. I like knowing that I am not alone in the way I feel. Chronic pain is no fun and it has a way of making depression worse because of all the limitations that it puts on your life. You are not able to enjoy things the way you used to and depression makes you dwell on those facts. If changing doctors is what you think you need, then you should change. Being able to relate well with a therapist is important to your well being. I can be hard to change and find one that suits you and your situation. I wish you good luck and hope that you hang in there because it can get better.
  • Depression has made me numb through the years. I just don't care anymore. I was living through the days, months, and even years not caring. It was like I was on autopilot mode, and I just ate, slept, and worked. I didn't feel any joy in my life. To be honest until now, I don't feel anything. It got better, but there's still a hole inside me. I don't know what to do next. That's what frustrates me most about depression. I wish you good luck.
  • Depression is a mood disorder; your sadness will occur, no matter the reason, so don't blame yourself. Feelings aren't exactly voluntary. 
    Since it seems so illogical, you may experience people telling you to just get over it by smiling or doing something enjoyable, when you know yourself how hard it is. It's okay; don't pressure yourself. 

    That's the stigma of mental illness: it's taken less seriously. If you break a leg, people will help you go to the hospital. If you start hallucinating, people will tell you you're faking for attention. It has to be realized that mental illness is as valid as its counterpart. You're ill right now, so don't expect yourself to be able to do what healthy people can. 

    From experience, congratulating yourself for doing even the smallest tasks (whether getting out of bed or putting your clothes on) will get you through the day. It also helps to have a good support system, so you'll have loved one who'll understand you when the rest of the world doesn't. Right now, I assure you, you're doing well. You're still alive, so you still have a chance. You can do this.
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