Using Again

Last month I had a kidney stone and was prescribed Percocet by the ER even though they knew I had an addiction history (can't blame them, I was in such pain I wanted to die). My mom was holding the extra pills that we've been saving in case I have another stone (just lost my health insurance so i can't get seen at the ER again if I'd have another one). I took the pills with me while I went on vacation to visit my fiancé. He was supposed to confiscate them from me as soon as I got off the plane but he I used them once while there to "zone out".
Tonight I arrived back home and took one right away because I felt stressed out.

I can't tell anyone because if the pain meds are thrown away and I'd get another kidney stone before I get my Medicaid, I'm screwed. I can't trust myself around these pills though either!!!!
  • 7 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @alianna hello! thank you for sharing. if you can't throw them away...then give them to someone you trust and let them hold them for really think you'd get another kidney stone? i thought they were not common...

    yes, give them away, as you know you don't want that temptation around...

    here for you!
  • @Alianna... I agree with @dominica. Give the pills to someone else. It's not worth the temptation. Also, I think playing the "what if?" game as far as another kidney stone is a big negative at this point. I've had a kidney stone and the likelihood of you getting another one is very small. Get rid of the pills. If you get another kidney stone, then you can cross that bridge when you get to it. IF you get to it.
  • The chance of getting another kidney stone goes up exponentially once you've had one, I'm also at huge risk due to a medicine I take. I haven't taken any more pills since writing the original post. I gave the pills back to my mom to hold (without telling her I took any). So, I don't know exactly where they are stored right now.
  • I am very new here but I am at the end of a rapidly fraying rope. I went and completed treatment for cocaine addiction in 2009 and felt great!! A few years later my daughter unexpectedly died and I turned right back to the same substance to try and numb my broken heart. However, I am breaking the hearts of the kids that are here and need me. I am completely depressed, disappointed in myself, full of self loathing and just want to get well again. Is there any way to do so without going back in to treatment? I have started by ignoring the people who want to use or want me to use with them and I am changing my phone number. But I know I need to change my thinking too. I apologize if this isn't the right forum I did read the rules but I am exhausted after a ridiculously long binge and just want to get better.
  • That's right. The only way to NOT be tempted is to eliminate the source of temptation. In this case... the pills. You know they're going to lure you in and make you forget reason. If you think your drive to be better isn't strong enough yet, then better get rid of those pills. The less you see them, the better you will feel about yourself. Start working on self-control then. Seek alternative treatment too.
  • I would tell someone. I agree with @xTinx that you need to eliminate the source of temptation. The fact that you don't want to tell anyone in fear of losing the pills is enough reason to tell someone. It is better to rid of that medication than to fall into the arms of addiction again.
  • I don't think your family would throw them away if you really needed them. You should just ask someone to hold it for you and give it to you at the right times. If you feel you can't trust yourself to regulate then you have to trust yourself to give that ability to someone else. I know it feels bad right now but you'll be proud of yourself once you get through it.
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