Today is my 44th day on my journey and I relapsed.  Although it felt good there was a very overwhelming sense of guilty that I was fighting with.As a result I didn't watch it for very long. The reason I watched the porn is because I feel alone, rejected, and just that I am not good enough. Although I am struggling with a lot I still wish I hadn't watched the porn and talked to somebody about how I feel.
Now that I have relapsed my goal is now to throw a pity party for myself and continue to watch porn. I want this to be an isolated even on my journey. I plan to keep myself busy but Valentines day is coming up and that is just a reminder that I am not wanted. It is going to be tough but I am going to try to stay sober.
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  • @Broken404 hello! thanks for sharing. it is helpful to get it out there and share....don't beat yourself up. a relapse does not indicate that you have's a slip up and you take responsiblity for it and keep it moving. no pity party....celebrate that 44 days you DIDN'T relapse....and keep moving forward.

    valentine's day is simply a day. another day. i spent the last 2 v-day's single and i decided to celebrate my own love for myself. (since self-love is my goal) i dated myself and nurtured myself. maybe you can do the same. you are worthy...and being single is not a bad thing...yes, it can get lonely, but there are many valuable things we can learn single. and come out stronger and be ready for a relationship.

    you are worthy. (not unwanted) i'm a firm believer that self-love helps us attract love into our lives. friends. lover. i just saw this little clip on youtube this morning and well, maybe it is relevant for this's great. this guy...he felt unworthy. but he's learning. i've yet to watch the whole film, but maybe i will. it's a great message to each person.

    hope this helps!
  • @Broken404... Relapse is just a bump on the road to recovery. It's not the relapse that defines you; it's how you react to it. So pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the right path. You made it 44 days! That's amazing! Just start again and take it a day at a time. 

    And to touch on what @dominica said... Valentine's Day is just another "Hallmark Holiday." Please don't let it bring you down. 

    We're here for you, my friend. Anytime.
  • Thank you. @DeanD and @Dominiac. I will look at this relapse as just a bump in my journey and I will not let Valentine's day get to me. Also thanks for the video I plan to watch the whole movie if I can someday.
  • I feel the same way sometimes, but it have learned to turn my loneliness into something productive. Whenever I feel lonely or anxious I just find something to do, and in most times I try to get some work done or try to put that energy into finding some extra income. This way I get to feel rewarded by the money I get and it's a practice that has been serving me well so far.
  • @Broken404... How are you doing? Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you and hopping you are well. Check in if you get a chance, my friend.
  • Relapse isn't the end, my friend. In this lifelong battle we're fighting, there are going to be ups and downs, but just remember that while we may be down, it doesn't necessarily have to mean that we are out. Every time you fall, get back up and fight! From one brother to another!
  • Relapse is not, like people already said up there, the end of the war. You can lose a battle but you won't definitely lose the war, or so they say. I just hope that you're doing better by now. Hang on!
  • For some good tips and advice when relapse occurs, check out this article:

    It's from a Christian perspective (in case you are opposed to that view), but has some good practical tips.

    Think of this road to recovery as a cross country race. If you stumble and fall down they don't make you go back to the start line t and begin all over. You just get up where you fell down and keep on going with the race.  Remember it's all about progress. Not perfection!

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