Growing up with narcissistic parents

It's a controversial issue and many people who were brought up, or are being brought up, by narcissistic parents don't even realize it. They know there is something wrong and that they are being manipulated somehow in some way, but they can never manage to put their finger on it and are often left wondering is it me? Their parents tend to be too wrapped in their own lives to be able to provide enough love, compassion and support to their children and also tend to be quite judgement in a vaguely sadistic way - almost as if they get pleasure from deriding their own children which, of course, is to boost and regulate their own egotism. Growing up with narcissistic parents is something which I have had to cope with in my own life, although I didn't realize it until recently. Children of narcissists are also usually conditioned into co-dependence and therefore end up going on to develop personal relationships with other narcissists.
  • 10 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • I surely know how a narcissistic parent can manipulate one's life. A girl I know recently escaped her mum (she's already 19) to live with her boyfriend and meanwhile her mother tried everything she could to manipulate her to come back, including threatening to commit suicide. She used to abuse her daughter physically and mentally so I'm happy she escaped. But she's not used to be away from her mother and I'm sure she sooner or later will give her another opportunity if her boyfriend is careless, since he's against them meeting.
  • The problem with narcissistic parents is that often the children aren't aware of what is being done to them and sometimes even the parents themselves don't know that they are being that way as well or maybe they do realize it to some degree but not enough to make them feel the ramifications. Also, another more difficult part is that even the parents with best intentions also sometimes do actions with a narcissistic nature and those may be the hardest ones to recognize since they look good on the surface.
  • I'm so sorry that you have to deal through all of that @androl. We cannot choose our parents, and sadly, some of us were not so lucky.

    @yeppeo it's a good thing that girl was able to escape from her mother. I hope that she'll be able to cope and get on with her life normally.
  • Most narcissistic parents are usually the mums. My mom manipulated us throughout our childhood and we all lived a confused life particularly when we compared our lives to neighbors and friends.

    But to her, she was doing the right thing and we were too young to know what was right or wrong until we grew up to be emotionally distraught.
  • I'm not disagreeing with you but the official statistics would probably indicate the opposite, due to the fact that the majority of narcissists are (allegedly) male. However, you could consider that due to the way that narcissism works by twisting everything around you could argue that the statistics have been manipulated and that it might actually be the other way round! In my experience, most of the narcissists I have known in my life have indeed been female and many of them have been mothers. I do, however, also know a few narcissistic fathers and I know of some parents who are both narcissistic.
  • I'm convinced my own mother is an narcissist - and it's something I've only really come to terms with in the last few years. Interestingly my brother and sister don't seem to have the same opinion but in my research on it, it says this is often the case that narcissists often have a scapegoat and then golden children who can do no wrong.

    It would certainly explain a big part of my lack of self esteem and confidence as an adult.
  • Interesting that you have one brother and one sister, which would mean your mother has two girls and one boy. Can I ask, does she treat you and your sister differently to how she treats your brother? And do you happen to be the middle child by any chance?
  • @androl I'm actually the oldest - my sister is the baby...I feel like my mom is nicer to my sister but has still been cruel to her too - but my sister is more of the opinion of "poor mom, she has her own problems" rather than me who thinks that treating your kids like crap is not appropriate at all. Calling your kids names, hiding their possessions, guilt tripping...all not appropriate!
  • Growing up I always knew there was something wrong with the way my dad would treat me -- and continues to treat me--, He would spoil me and we would spend a lot of time together and always had fun, but then if I said the wrong thing or did something he didn't like, he would get extremely mad at me and hit me, I would get so scared of him and lock myself in my room until my mom came home, but my mom never stood up for me or comforted me, she just ignored that it happened and left me in my room. As I got older the worse it became, I was still getting hit but now there was a ton of verbal abuse from my dad; Note: (around this time is when my Borderline Personality Disorder started to show itself completely). I often tried to explain to my parents I didn't feel "normal" and I don't understand what's going on, but my dad would tell me I'm a psycho, and a horrible person, etc., and that's why boys leave, why I can't keep jobs, and no one likes me. My mom would tell me it's because I need to change how I think about things and then I would be normal and feel better. I believe growing up around my dad and being used to his behavior caused me to have a lot of abusive/narcassistic boyfriends, which added on to my loss of self-esteem, and self-hatred; Also, my parents never took me to a doctor to see what was wrong with me, even though I cried for help a million times, and told them all the time that I feel "different" from other people. In my later Teenage years I tried to commit suicide 6 times, I believe I tried because I had no one to talk too, my own parents didn't understand me, or acknowledge me, my dad was always putting me down yet, I always wanted his attention and wanted him to be proud of me, I believed I was a horrible person and insane and I didn't want to live anymore. I finally turned 18 and on my birthday I went to a doctor and got tests done. I left with the diagnosis, Borderline Personality Disorder, and I got my prescriptions to help me with it; My parents refused to acknowledge this, and still do so. 
  • @Searing123... Welcome. I commented to a post you made in another thread, so please look for that.

    I'm glad you're here and reaching out!
Sign In or Register to comment.