My name is Anastacia and i am an alcoholic and addict and codependent. I am newly single and finding that not contacting my ex-boyfriend is proving a harder task than expected. I have a choice to make my 20 mont5h old daughter or my 2 1/2 year relationship, and i choose my daughter. I know what i want then why is it so hard to stay away from him because i am a codependent and have an addiction to being needed and have him to care for as my daughter has been in foster care and he filled that void a little bit of being needed on a daily basis. I am 5 1/2 months into my daughters removal and it seems it gets harder and harder and DHS want me to do more and more to prove that i am committed to getting my child home and not to a man.
I need advice and support please help me. tahnk you in advance     
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  • @Pureeyes hey there....good to see you here. i'm proud of you for ending the relationship with your ex....cuz it was toxic and not good for you or your daughter. kudos to you for that.

    i was codependent in my last relationship. that void you talk about? i know the feeling. i had an intense fear of being "alone"..not in the sense of being in the house alone, but, without someone's affection. it stemmed from some childhood trauma/neglect and the fear of abandonment.

    it helped me to do some inner child healing work. take a look at some of john bradshaw's youtube videos or books...he talks a lot about healing our wounded child and believe it or not, it can help take away that feeling of void or abandonment. i also went to codependent anonymous meetings..helped some and i watch youtube videos on codependency. ross rosenberg is great on the topic.

    meanwhile, we support you to keep sober, clean, and keep growing so you can get your daughter back.... you are doing it!! one day at a time. do you have any support close to you? family? friends? meetings?

    when we are codependent, we can become addicted to that took me a long time to make that final CUT......i drew a line in the sand and said NO MORE.....finally. and i'm sooooo glad i did. no longer am i addicted to a person....screw the love drug i say...

    learn how to have a healthy relationship..with yourself first, and then that will help with others...

    totally here for you..
  • when you feel like contacting your ex....come on here...encourage others and reach out to us for some support...... we are here for YOU!
  • @Pureeyes... You and your daughter are the most important people in your life, so you have to do what is best for the two of you. I'm so happy that you've made the decision that you've made. As far as codependency goes, it's certainly something that so many of us have gone through. I was really helped by Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More. You may want to check it out. It's full of amazingly helpful information.

    Sending you peace and hugs, my friend. And like Dominica said, we are here for you. Anytime.
  • @Pureeyes, it takes only a courageous person to make the right choice for herself and a little child. Things would be difficult initially and for the fact that you had a life with your ex, it wouldn't be easy to just get him out of your mind.

    Always remember you have done the best for yourself and your daughter, never feel guilty about your actions. Tomorrow will be better than today. Hang in there.
  • hi my name is Aly, I'm 31 and was an active addict with my ex husband for 15 yrs. I'm currently finishing a very long taper off of suboxone. (so hard) I lost my miracle baby to SIDS almost 2 years ago , and my separated husband a year after her to an overdose. as much as I was done with him, it still hits home... I got out JUST IN TIME ! I'm now in a relationship with a guy, I know he loved me. But I'm starting to really rearrange my thoughts. i was with my ex from 15 yrs old, 10 of those years as an addict. i am feeling like I need to know ME, b4 I should be deciding to get into another life relationship. I always thought it was my ex that was co dependent. i now know u am too. I'm afraid I'll be alone forever. it was a very abusive relationship, mentally, and physically, so I have no friends, w asnt allowed. any thoughts? I'm open to discussion! thanks guys ( I'm new to this)
  • @aly86... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm happy to hear that you're tapering off Suboxone. And I'm very sorry to hear about your baby's death. I can't imagine how difficult that was, and still is, for you.

    While I'm glad to hear you are in a new relationship with someone who loves you, I think you're right when you say that you need to know YOU before you get into another relationship. I think truly knowing yourself is so incredibly important.

    Also, if you haven't read it already, you should definitely pick up a copy of Melody Beattie's terrific book Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. It's full of super helpful information.

    We're here for you. Whether you need support, advice, or just a place to get things off your chest, you can come here anytime you'd like. We will always listen...without judgment.

    I'm sending you lots of positive energy, love, and light.
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