Trying to Please Everyone

There are a lot of people suffering from personality disorder and appear happy all the time; they try to please everyone but deep down they are not what they present to everyone.

How can such people just be themselves, many of them don't even know how to be themselves. They have mastered the art of pleasing everyone without considering themselves. These people usually are prone to be suicidal because of the disorder.

How can one help such because they never appear to have a problem?
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  • Pretty much. How can you have depression if you seem so happy all the time? That's what people always ask me. Well, growing up with this burden, I guess I have learned to put on a mask, that way, people won't see what it's really like. I suggest you get professional help from a therapist, since they are a third party with an outside perspective of your situation. They understand better than your friends and family members, trust me. When all your friends just feel sorry for you, your doctor can give objective answers to your problems. It definitely helps.
  • this life journey has a lot to do with discovering who we really are under the surface...under the ego... the hardcore people pleasers...which i think could be classified as codependents....they may need some professional help...heck, most of us do at some point in life!!!!

    sometimes it just takes them on their own time frame to discover this....it took me years..decades...we are all on individual journeys and learn things at different times. be patient and love through it....
  • I think this would have to start with them not someone else telling them what they have. Like addiction they will have to get to a point where they are sick and tired of feeling this way and will start to look for help within and outside of themselves. We cannot "save" other people. 
  • I think this is a common problem for people who are empaths and/or 'inverted' narcissists (which is an oxymoron because then they are not narcissists). They have too much empathy and not enough healthy narcissism. They therefore tend to lack self-awareness and may neglect themselves, whereas they feel more compelled to fulfil other people's desires, often because they literally feel the emotions of the people around them.
  • It's funny when people repeatedly say that someon is "too nice", or "always happy", they fail to realise that it's all for THIER benefit, and that the person is ripping themself apart to please everyone. 
    Add to that the fact that some people will take advantage of this person, and I can tell you from experience, living with that person becomes unbearable. 
    I feel like my other half is like this. Can never say "No"..... unless it's to me. Will bend over backwards for everyone. Cannot cancel on anyone, no matter what... unless it's me, and she'll happily cancel time with me to spend it with anybody else. 
    Her parents take advantage of this, she has a very busy schedule and piles a lot of stress on herself and her family will just call, arrive on the doorstep, or ask her to e-mail them stuff when they KNOW she gets up before sunrise and often doesn't sleep till 2am because of her need to cater to EVERYONE's needs before her own.

    It is exhausting for me, but I can't imagine how she deals with it all, the pressure must be so intense.
  • I'm pretty much one of "those people" who tend to put on a front in order to keep others from knowing that I'm depressed. I normally always smile and act goofy in order to keep others from worrying that I'm depressed. Its hard to do sometimes but I strive to do it. 
  • For me it was people and circumstances. I had to realize that in the course of my intention of earning a living I was repeatedly accepting situations where I was surrounded by people and rules that did not reflect my truth. The only power I had to improve my health and happiness was in using the key in my hand and leaving other employment for self employment and seeking out people who I feel so much happier just being around. Also, that people pleasing thing had to go. I'm so grateful to be free of workplaces where eyes were always upon me, judging me in every way and power tripping on me. Now I work with clients at will and am treated with professional courtesy and respect.
  • Those who are keen to please others are either alruistic people with higher spiritual authority than others or doormat types who cannot say "no" and lack self-empowerment. It can be a behavioral disorder but I do not think it's something as grave as bi-polar or schizo disorders. Exposure to empowering activities may encourage a better sense of self.
  • I think people like this were just unfortunate to not have been instilled with enough confidence to express their thoughts, most likely due to a lack of communication during childhood. I'm not an expert by any means, but whenever I come across people who are hiding their emotions they usually seem lost and confused and just lack the inability to communicate on a deeper level.
  • I think that you can't really do a lot to help someone who doesn't see (or don't wanna see) their problem, they need to admit it first and to be commited to change that part of their lives. And yes, as you've mentioned there's a lot of people like that and it's really sad to see them live like that, living a lie everyday of their life seems like living death... I really hope that soon they realize about it and progressively change it.
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