Sex chat addiction

Hi,I am a christian married man but due to some wrong moves I made in life I became hooked to chatting with women on line.This happens even on christian chat sites.Sometimes I chat all night & it ends up with porn + masturbation or just masturbation.My sex life with my wife has;t been very good due to Premature ejaculation & such.Added to it she works night.Although we have a good marriage I have not been truthful to her.I have repented over this many times but find myself slipping into this.I have other health issues too that keeps me at home most of the time.I need prayers & counseling.I am hoping this is a christian site as I really need God into this for complete deliverance.The internet itself has become a sort of addiction to me & I need to spend less time on the internet.I was trying to put up a different password for my wifi on the computer I use the most & hide the password in a  tough place like my garage so I don't have easy access to it when I want to go online.But it os happens all other phones,tv etc is all linked to one wifi password.If there is a way to have a separate wifi password to my main computer (mac) do let me know.This chat thing has grown over 10 years & I need to come out of this for the glory of God & for my peace & good health.

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  • @JcHeals hello and welcome! glad you are here. addiction is something we can definitely overcome. i'm glad you want to address this addiction and once you do, you'll certainly feel better about yourself.

    are you able to possibly talk to someone at your church about this? some churches have mens' fellowships and porn addiction is a big topic, as many men struggle.  it might not hurt to find a trusted counselor in this area.

    take some time to read around the porn addiction threads and begin to educate yourself on addiction. if you have a lot of free time, which it sounds as if you may, take up learning about ways you can overcome addiction..see what works for you. yes, God can deliver us from temptation and addictions, but we also have to bust our butts too...it takes a daily practice for sure...time and energy....

    check to see if there is a Celebrate Recovery support group in your area. that's a Christian group that helps those caught up in addiction...

    change can occur....i believe our faith certainly can help....don't give up, no matter what....there may be some underlying issues...get to the root of the issue!! start digging...and be willing to face what you find...and with the help of God and the Holy Spirit, you'll be able to find enormous courage and strength....

    we all certainly believe in YOU!
  • @JcHeals, I understand your struggle. I am married, a Christian and I'm a recovering sex, masturbation and porn addict. In my ever escalating acting out period I too was hooked on cyber sex and sex chats with women online. I mixed that in with porn use. The draw was that it was sexual and interactive. Unfortunately, it lead to me have random and anonymous sexual encounters with some of these women. I am here to tell you that there is freedom and hope though. You are not alone. There are many of us that struggle or have struggled with that issue.

    It really comes down to greed. Addiction is all about greed. I'm going to numb underlying issues I have on my terms, by myself, when I want and how I want. It's all about me. It feels safe, no risk of rejection, easier than interacting with someone face to face in a healthy and appropriate relationship, etc.

    I found the key to recovery is getting at the underlying issues and root causes (rejection, shame, perfectionism, lack of self-compassion, fear, etc.) where I tend to want to self-medicate or employ coping mechanisms (porn, masturbation, affairs, cyber sex, lust, etc.). While working through those underlying issues (a counselor or trained therapist is probably your best bet to help you do that) you also need to retrain your brain to turn to appropriate and healthy ways of interacting with real people. To do this you need a support network of safe men that are real and open and honest who will listen to you as you cry out when in pain or need. Instead of going online to soothe in those times I found you need to reach out and be vulnerable with another human being (and not someone anonymous online).

    As you work at forging real, healthy and authentic relationships you can slowly create a new habit to replace the old inappropriate way of coping. Will it take time? Yes. Will you stumble and fall? Yes, more than likely. But, if you fall down think of it like a cross country meet. If you fall down on the course you don't have to go back to the starting line and begin again. You simply get up where you are and keep on going. It's about progress. Not perfection.

    I lead a men's accountability and support group and put together a website of all the materials that we share each week as discussion starters. There are tons of great book and article excerpts, links and even videos on there that you might find useful on your journey. They are the things that our group has found the most beneficial in the recovery process.

    If you want to check it out it's at http://www.mymensgroup.net

    Blessings to you on this road to recovery!

  • Thank you for your kind responses.I have much to learn here.I understand what 717 says about accountability .I am wondering if you 717 can be an accountability partner online for me,to start with or is there any online accountability group you could put me on to ?
    In my situation it is impossible to discuss this in my church or folks I know since they all hold me in high regard.It is much too risky to ruin my reputation .
  • I understand your fear with the risk of being vulnerable about this struggle in your congregation. That being said, I really feel you need some face to face accountability and connections. There may be some value in an online setting, but face to face you can read someone's emotions, body language, etc. You can give appropriate touch (a squeeze on the shoulder,  pat on the back, a hug when needed, etc.)  You can tell better if they aren't quite being honest and most important, to break this addiction you need to build real connections and healthy intimacy with other men. While that can happen to a degree online, in my humble opinion, it just won't be the same in terms of richness and to the level that you need. If you still want an online partner try: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/accountability-partners.7/

    or

    http://www.npsupport.net/community/viewforum.php?f=6&sid=9d8b9d956436ff8d9916d8a7b6ab3946

    Both of those forums have online support groups.

    However, I would still encourage you to reach out to an accountability and support group perhaps at another church. Try looking for a church that has a "Celebrate Recovery" group or a "Faithful and True" group. Might have to do some research and possibly drive a distance to get away from those that you don't want to run in to but it will be worth it.

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