Did you ever feel like...

Have you ever felt like you tried so hard for a person and you're always at battle with yourself, that you think you're not enough or not pretty enough, and it just freaking hurts when you're constantly reminded that you will not be someone's choice, that you're always going to be second best, how completely hopeless and pathetic you are for believing that someone actually likes you, for letting the same person hurt you and tear you down, when you know in fact that you deserve something better than this, but you're just too dumb to stop. Have you ever felt that way?
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  • I don't think I would have much tolerance for anyone that would tear me down, but I can identify with having a strong attraction for someone that just does not feel it the same way and that can be torture as far as sadness goes. I think the best advice I ever got was just not to let your feelings overwhelm you, if you do you come a crossed like a blubbering child that didn't get their way. In my life I have found that life can be weird and the people you like today may be no where near the level of the people you like tomorrow. Time changes all things including peoples looks and attitudes.

    Don't worry so much about getting it right so someone likes you or falls in love with you. Your energy is better spent by being the best person you can be and living life authentically by your own terms. We can't force another to like or love us, but we certainly can work on attracting the best match for ourselves. You do this by doing the things you love and it will hapen naturally. You will probably look back someday and say ewh what was I thinking?
  • I think most of us have been in a similar situation but what I found helpful in this kind of scenario is to never let any kind of criticism get to me. Understanding that the moment that I allow it to affect me, it will cause problems to no one else except myself. Remember that the only person that we can really rely on is ourselves, other people offering a helping hand are just secondary. It doesn't matter what others say, we all have to keep our confidence in check. For as long as we're trying to live our lives the best way we can without causing other people harm then you have no reason to worry about what others say. You are exactly who you have to be.
  • Yes. I had never even dared say to a guy I liked him because I did not want to embarrass him because I was sure I would never be good enough and they'd just feel awkward that someone like me liked them. I lost my virginity to a guy who was among my friends, but we had just that one night -- he fell in love with another one of my friends upon meeting her a week later.She did not like him back, but then he started dating another girl -- we were hanging out all three of us in his apartment and then at some point they went away to have sex. I was just sitting there. I hated him. I hated myself. I wanted to feel special.

    I went away for the summer and had other experiences that made me feel bad, but also some that felt "light", not like the world was riding on them, I could just enjoy something and not try to get more out of it. And then I met my current boyfriend and I'm the most special person to him now.

    Just took me twenty years to find that. But it's fine. It could have been longer, it could have been less, and now I realize how much the other guys were not worth wasting my time or feelings on. Not necessarily because they were all bad people, just because I tried to make them to be more than they were. To make myself feel special. But it was not their job. It was mine. I wish I could tell you something to help you, some wise advice, but I'm not sure I have gained any such thing. I just hope you'll soon come to realize you are good enough and special on your own merits. Nobody can make you feel bad if you don't allow them to reach you.You'll figure it out.
  • You don't have to call yourself dumb, because you are not alone.  You're probably a really nice person, and have a good heart, and probably give people more chances when they really don't deserve it.  I used to be like that.  Sometimes I still am, and I'm kind of going through a similar situation right now, but I've gotten better about taking care of myself by protecting myself by staying away from people who are no good for me.

    We all go through times where we have feelings for someone who does not treat use well, 
    or who does not like us back. 
    It hurts, but that is all part of life, part of growing up and learning. Part of finding out what you like and what you don't like. 
    You might find yourself putting up with a lot, but one day you will "wake up" and realize that you don't even like the person that much anymore.  You probably feel this way now.

    I think it is amazing how we can be so in love with a person, and a few months later not even care about them at all.  Of course, while you 'like' them, if feels like you will never get over them.

    Hopefully things get better for you soon.  There is someone nice and kind out there for you, someone who you will love and they will love you back. 

    In the meantime, work on being the best you that you can be.  Eat right, exercise, journal, pray, talk to trusted family members, do good work on your job, or if you don't have a job, go get one!!  Do things that make you feel good about you. It won't be easy all the time, but it will get easier. Put energy into yourself, and you will see things change for he better.
  • When you are in a toxic relationship it maybe hard to see it for awhile. But when you become aware that you are not treating yourself well get out of it and stay away from people like that. Give yourself permission to love your self, treat yourself better than you treat other people.
  • I did at one point and then I learned to walk away and let it go. If you're with a person who tears you down and never builds you up then you should probably leave. There's no point in wasting your time with someone who does that to you. A relationship is a two way street, not a one way. 
  • I am the kind of person who do not rely on the physical appearance or attributes of a certain person. For me what is important is their good heart and inner beauty within themselves as a person. And if ever you had experienced that some people always turns you down because you do not have the looks or you are not always chosen etc compared to other people...do not feel pity for yourself...feel sorry for these people for they are more to have bad reputations than you do.
  • @bellejoie Thank you for sharing your story, it has made me feel a lot better about myself!

    I wish I had advice, but I don't really know what to say other than that the people who make you feel inadequate aren't worth your time. I am sure you are beautiful and a nice person, and if people (especially guys...) can't realize that, then it's their loss. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, once the time is right you will find a great partner who loves you for who you are.
  • Err. I did not ask for advice, I really do have a partner whom I love and who loves me. I'm still trying to work on myself, though, so all in good time. I shared the story because it looked like you struggled with the feeling of not being good enough -- but since you're cheering me up somehow, then, you probably can cheer yourself up the same way :) Because it seems like you do know what's important.
  • I also hate the fact that I end up doing it too. After being subjected to so many instances where I can't do anything but listen to the bad things someone has to say about me, I end up lashing out whenever I'm upset and doing it to someone else. I realized this and I would just stay in a room until I felt a little better. 
  • I think when we love someone so much we will let them hurt us over and over again. This is sad but so true. I have been there and then have looked back and regretted my actions. If you feel something is wrong, then it probably is. There will come a time when enough is enough. You will be happy when you realize this. 
  • @bellejoie I wish I could find that "someone" too who loves me and whom I also love. Congratulations with finding the one, and good luck! Thanks also for inspiring me in a way. =)
  • @Twinsmommy31 I totally agree. Sometimes, it's true that love is blind. We don't see the faults of someone we love, no matter how hard it is for us to deal with them. We don't care about that, as long as we love them.
  • @dyanmarie25 : be careful though. I think I fell in love and accepted my guy in my life too quick because he made me fel more special than the other guys, because he wanted to kiss me in the daytime, because he liked cuddling and everything that other guys did not want from me. So I think my becoming his girlfriend was a lot influenced on that, on the relief and the lack of confidence. Of course, it does not mean I don't love him truly now: I really do. But because of this start, and because he was my first boyfriend, I had a huge ego trip going and I hurt him many times for it.

    They say that you have to love yourself first before someone else loves you. I think it's not quite true, people will love you regardless of your insecurities. But if you want to love someone, it's more fair to them to have gotten peace with yourself, because out of ego or out of self-defence walls or any other reason, you could also end up hurting them. So, I hope you find someone for you who loves you, but don't wait for that to truly value yourself. If you don't, it'll skew your perceptions of any relationship you'll have.
  • I feel like this every day. I feel like I'm not good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough, nice enough, mean enough, perfect enough, whatever enough every single day of my life. I never feel like I'm enough and the people around me just validate that for me every day by choosing other people over me all of the time or making me feel like I'm just not good enough for them. My self esteem is basically non existent, and if it seems like I have any it's because I've become pretty good at pretending that I'm confident when I'm really the exact opposite.
  • @hellonamesdana I know, right? It's really painful when you get rejected by someone. But sometimes, you pretend like you don't care at all, but the truth is, inside of you, it freaking hurts, but you just smile and say, "I'm fine."
  • @bellejoie I guess that's true. Well, I will just probably wait on a boy who will accept all my insecurities, limitations, and shortcomings. And prove to me that not all guys are the same.
  • @dyanmarie25 :

    Obviously all guys are not the same. No two human being are the same. You might want to get a few guy friends before getting a boyfriend if you have issues with guys in general, it might help.
  • To add something to my previous post aside that you should not feel pity for yourself if other people always hurt and turns you down but instead feel sorry for these people for they are the one who had bad image than what they saw to yourself. Learn to accept what other people are saying about you and prove to them what they are looking and thinking about you is wrong and they should know you better than their criticisms and judgement to you.
  • I have been in the exact situation you mentioned. No matter what I do, my crush always takes me for granted. No matter how many gifts I give her, how many times I compliment her, she wouldn't place me in her top priority. She would always place someone higher than me, almost always. But, I simply can't let go of her. I wouldn't change myself and hope someday she sees me. Its a disgustingly annoying feeling though.
  • That is something that is really heavy. It's like you've done all the best that you can do to push the heavy load but it keeps on crushing down on you. 

    I don't know if this experience is related to your family or not but I've experienced the same thing before. All your efforts seem to be useless and you feel alienated. Well my friend, based on my experience, it really helps to choose your circle of friends. To have POSITIVE people around you would really boost up your inner self and bring out the best in you. I have similar experience of being down and when we're down, we really look forward to rising up. However, there are really people who drag us even deeper and they are the crabs in our lives! Stay away from them my friend. God has more people in store for you. One day,when you are stronger, you can go back to them, show them how great you are (unlike how they let you feel about yourself when you were with them) and help them go out of the pit of envy and negativity.
  • Don't let your value of yourself be determined by what someone else thinks. You are your own person, your own entity. If they aren't in love with you, maybe they're not mature enough to realize how precious and special you are, and that's not your loss, that's theirs, and if they go off not realizing that, and never come back, chances are you'll find someone many times more incredible and special than they were, and that someone will value you much more than that other person ever could. Don't give up on yourself.
  • @Corkerin That's very kind and sweet of you. Thank you so much. I truly appreciate that. =)
  • That's the sum of my marriage.
  • @flowergirl I'm sorry to hear that. Do feel free to start your own thread if you want to talk about this some more - we're all here to listen and I promise, we give great advice! 
  • I have felt just like that, before. I know how hard it can be to leave the person, too. Once they got in my head and convinced me that I was the one who had a problem and that no one else is going to want me either, leaving him wouldn't have felt like the smart choice at all.
  • Take some time to be alone. You need to find happiness within yourself. This is something everyone is always working on, it is a life long process. But it is absolutely possible for you to find that happiness and confidence within yourself. Once you have it, you cannot allow other to bring you down, as these things are things you know about yourself and the people who try to bring you down are the ones with the problems, not you. Do not allow someone to pray on someone just because they think they are weaker. If someone tells you mean things, a lot of the time they are projecting those feelings of themselves onto other people out of their own insecurities. 
  • I've been in that situation in my high school years. I felt like I always try hard for everyone but I still feel like they don't like me back. I struggled with making friends. But thankfully, I'm past that. I actually found someone who cared about me and loved me for who I am and she my soon to be fiance :). My Advice: Don't care about the people who put you down, for those people aren't your true friends.
  • I left a situation like this recently. In fact some of my last words were “I feel like I can never say or do the right thing around you,” which was part of what made me walk away from the whole mess. Obviously it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, but I still struggle with residual feelings of inadequacy. And I’m pretty sure I’m prone to these feelings because of my childhood, during which I was constantly being made to feel like I wasn’t enough. I’ve gotten better overall about finding validation within myself, but it’s all too easy to slip back into these thought patterns at times. It’s a journey, that’s for sure. I always just have to remind myself that people’s actions speak more of them than they do of me.
  • I felt this way with a girl in the past and it was a
    really depressing feeling because you were not just good enough for that person
    and no matter how hard you tried to change yourself and do the things that she
    likes, it was not enough for her to like me the way I like her and my feelings
    for her were not reciprocated. I guess she was not the right person for me and
    that there was someone better and worth it you could appreciate my efforts more
    and who will entertain my feelings a lot better. We cannot force ourselves to
    someone who does not really like us, and no matter how unfair we think it is
    that despite all the efforts, we are still not worth it, it is how life is and
    we have to accept this fact and move on. These are the feelings that I do not
    want to experience anymore and good thing that I am happy now with someone
    else.   

  • We cannot deny that we cannot please everybody. Sometimes no matter how we are even if we had the good looks or whatsoever and no matter if what we had in life if they do not like us they will really not appreciate us. For me if a person does not like me I will not force myself to change just for them to notice me because I always like to be real self. It is the reality of life and all we have to do is we should do the best for ourselves and show to the people who don;t like us that we are a great person inside and outside and that they should not be judging us at once.
  • I felt that so often when I was younger, fortunately I no longer stick around people who make me feel that way and neither should you or anyone else for that matter.  Because we are valuable human beings and shouldn't be with someone who makes us feel so little. Life is too short, you better make the most out of those few years on earth by being happy :) 
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