please help!

Please help! I've dealt with a lot of addictions including anorexia, bulimia, alcohol, drugs & self harm. Now that those are all getting better, my self-esteem has dropped a lot.It has always distracted me from other things in my life and made me feel like I was blowing off steam. Anytime I used to feel bad about myself I used to go on internet chatrooms/ video-chat with strangers and take my clothes off, and it was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. Now anytime I feel bored or restless or even a little sad I turn to watching porn to distract myself and I can't seem to stop. Is this an addiction????? I'm so confused.
  • 5 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • @missym... I think there's sometimes a fine line between liking something a lot and addiction. If watching porn is affecting aspects of your life in adverse ways, then I'd say it's definitely a problem. That said, using porn to combat sadness or boredom or restlessness could be signs of a problem, too. Have you considered taking a break from porn for a while and seeing how it goes? That's what I would suggest. If you can't manage to do that, or if it's a struggle, I would consider seeking some professional help. 

    Try to find some other activities to help you deal with the times you would normally turn to porn. Maybe some hobbies, or exercising, or meditating would help.

    Also, check out some of the other discussions in the forum having to do with porn addiction. You may find some helpful information.

    Peace and hugs.
  • @missym - I can't imagine what it's like going through, what you have, but I'm, somewhat glad that you've been brave enough to open up and share your experiences. And though you are seeking further help and support, I,for one can say I've been encouraged by your post, and I'm sure there are many who would agree.
    I believe, on a basic level, we people are relationally oriented social beings and hence this 'need' for human interaction/contact. When you chat online, you are actually talking to people; when you watch porn, again it's people acting.
    What I'd suggest is in addition to the hobbies that DeanD has rightfully pointed out, I personally find investing in safe, sincere, healthy and meaningful relations with people essential. You'd be amazed at the rewards of a little time spent intentionally, seeking the happiness and well-being of others. This could be through voluntary/charity work with organisations that help the needy.
  • I believe there's occasionally a barely recognizable difference between preferring something a great deal and habit. if  watching porn is influencing parts of your life in unfriendly ways, then I'd say it's certainly an issue. you should start meditaion for concentration and start runnning which help you to concentrate on other think 
  • Hi @missym, thanks so much for sharing! I think it takes a ton of courage to open up about our issues the way you have. Acknowledging them is the first step in change. You've identified some very serious challenges with regard to eating disorders and addictions, and if you can make progress in these areas you can do anything.

    Addiction and eating disorders are typically a mask for something larger. In your case, it sounds like they played into your self-esteem and now that you're dealing with those issues you don't have the "masks" you may once have. It's very common to then look to other outlets to bolster our self esteem or merely numb ourselves out from the pain of it all. They refer to it as "addiction transfer," but yes, it's very possible that you're using porn and other behaviors to compensate. This does not make you a bad person. It just means that there may still be some underlying work to do bolster your self-esteem. Give this time, continue to do the inner work, be kind to yourself, and try not to judge yourself or your behaviors too much. Just pay attention to them and you'll begin to understand exactly why you are doing what you are doing.

    You mentioned video chat, which I think taps into a whole other separate aspect that is slightly different from mere porn consumption. The internet is a place where we can make connections and get attention from real people. I think it often goes beyond the sexual aspect of it. We are all just looking for love at the end of the day and the internet can be the path of least resistance sometimes.

    Are these mediums healthy? I think as the other responders pointed out, you'll just need to be hyper aware of why you're engaging in them. Internet and porn addiction affects millions. It's no surprise once we learn that it fires the same dopamine receptors as does cocaine. It's not an easy addiction to break. But I will say this...inevitably every single person I have talked to who has overcome porn addiction has overwhelmingly said the one major benefit is that it helps boost self esteem and confidence. Maybe consider challenging yourself to fast for 7 days and monitor your progress, then go for 30 days, etc. See if it impacts your self image at all.

    And don't hesitate to keep us posted. You're in the right place! 
  • @missym... How are things going? Let us know when you get a chance. We're here for you.
Sign In or Register to comment.