Married to a hate addict?

I can see this topic has been discussed before so sorry if this is plowing the same ground over again.  I am new to this forum and have a challenge I am trying to overcome.  I am a sober alcoholic 10+ years with lots of time spent working on my own recovery on many, many levels.  And continue to try to do so.

I have someone in my life who I feel has a strong propensity to hate.  Can we call it an "addiction"?  Well I am of the mindset that we ought use that term sparingly.  Not unlike the word "abuse".  We make it too wide-spread of a term and it begins to lose its meaning against the root definition and use.  But what I am saying is that the hatred this person has seems beyond the power of the will, and also that she enjoys a payoff of some kind emotionally or mentally for remaining in a state of hatred.  It is at the very least a stronghold in her life and it is destroying her, our relationship, and other relationships.  Not to mention her health.  It is at the point where I want out of this relationship as all roads lead to hatred of others and it is just too much.  If there isn't a clear reason to hate another, she will find one, or imagine one, then try to get others to cosign the hatred.  I can barely stand it.  

As a sober alcoholic, my focus is not intended to be on her behaviour, but on me and what I do in this situation to remain sober and sane.  At this time, I cannot help her.  She does not want it.  She wants me to hate with her and I cannot do that.  I am showing signs of wearing down in this relationship, yet I do not want to divorce her.  Input would be welcome.  
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  • @Chaz... First off, congratulations on your 10+ years of sobriety. That's an incredible achievement and you should be very proud of yourself.

    As far as your wife's penchant for hate... that's a tough one. I have no direct experience with a situation like yours, so I'm not really sure what to tell you. My first thought was that counseling would probably be a good idea. Is that something she's tried already? And, if not, is it something she might be willing to try? What if you told her you thought counseling was something you needed her to try in order to preserve the relationship? (If that's something you'd be comfortable saying.)

    Maybe others will weigh in on your post. I wish I had the magic answer, but I don't. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, though. 
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