I think my husband is a porn addict. We usIm so confused. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I feel wors

We have "sex" about twice a week.  He has the laptop and screen mirroring going.  He'll joke about getting me an escort(not funny).  He'll go as far as texting them and buying condoms.  Hell then say he was joking. He recently wanted virtual reality glasses.  I bought them, until i realized.  Can someone please help me
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  • It sounds like he is not showing you respect.  There are plenty of people who will purposely do stuff to hurt others, and then pass it off as a "joke."  Make no mistake, it is not a joke, and it is not an accident.  These people don't stop, and they will continue to hurt others in a subtle way.  In a way, I'd even go say it is a form of manipulation...he is trying to convince you that you are over-reacting.

    @Confusednhurt, perhaps you are right that your husband has a porn addiction.  There can be other issues your husband has as well (the stuff I said above), and your husband could be using porn as a subtle weapon against you.

    I say this with full caps-lock on: DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND DECEIVE YOU.  I do feel like he is manipulating you, he is trying to pass off something very disgusting (porn) as a joke?  What kind of sick sense of humour is that?   Who does he think he is dis-respecting you like that?  You don't deserve that.  I bet he makes you feel guilty if you are over-reacting to his "jokes."

    People like this are dangerous for your mental health.  

    You asked for advice, and there is a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud.  He also has a book called Boundaries in Marriage.  Perhaps you can start there.  Find a good counseler if need be.

    Above all, protect yourself first.  Put yourself first.  This is a form of abuse through manipulation.
  • @Confusednhurt... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing so openly and honestly with us. I'm so sorry that you're going through what you're going through with your husband. 

    You've already received some good advice from @FearlessNomad. The most important thing to remember is to put yourself first. You are the most important person in your life. Never forget that.

    If you haven't seen a therapist about this, I would recommend that you do so. I think talking to someone about your situation would definitely help you cope and figure out what you should do next. 

    You may also find some help in the various posts in the Sex and Porn Addiction section of our forum. Here's the link:


    Please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You are in a very difficult situation and I hope you're able to navigate your way through it sooner rather than later. Remember that you can come here for help or support anytime you need to. You can also come here to vent, too. We will listen without judgment.

    I am sending you love, light, and hope.

  • @Confusednhurt, I am so sorry you are going through this. There is no easy solution of course but as the others have said you need to always put yourself first. As a woman you deserve respect and have the right to be unhappy about the behaviors he is exhibiting. Sex addiction or compulsion is a very serious and confusing disorder that requires the person affected, and usually their partners, to do a lot of work to overcome it and both need to be willing. If I could make any suggestion to you I would suggest that you ask him if he thinks he might have some issues, or if he thinks his behavior is a normal part of a marriage. Remind him that relationships take two people and that the needs of both need to be respected. If you are not aligned with his behavior (I don't know what woman would be) he should know that it is hurting you. If at all possible perhaps seek out a counsellor, or make the suggestion that you seek couples counseling. If he refuses this is an indicator of his willingness to work with you. If he accepts then you will need to decide how willing you are to support him. But you do not have to allow people to disrespect you. You have the right to be in the type of relationship you want. I'm putting you on my daily prayer list (something I just started doing) and know that you're not alone. Please don't hesitate to check back in and let us know how you are doing. And take care of YOU this week.
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