My recovery update

Hey everyone! Thought I'd share a bit about where I am on my recovery journey.

For years my recovery from addiction was more about codependency. Finding my value in another person..I was in a toxic relationship that took me a long time to get out of. I went to Codependent Anonymous and learned a good bit about recovery.

Felt good. Once out of that relationship, I decided I would be a social drinker. I hadn't drank in nearly 20 years because when I met my husband, he didn't drink and we just decided not to drink...After a divorce, I ended up in a toxic relationship with someone in recovery, so I still chose not to drink. But when that ended, I said, "Well hello beer!" and was happy about it.

Now I'm very conscious about addiction. My dad was an alcoholic. My background is addiction and mental health. I know all about alcoholism...so I'm pretty attune to my drinking habits and strive to be in balance.

but you know there were times in the past 3 years that I drank to cope. There were times when I got drunk, remembering how much hangovers suck.
There were also times that I "social drank" and had a great time. There were also times I was pretty buzzed/drunk and well, had some fun because let's be honest. sometimes losing inhibitions can just feel freeing.

I entered a relationship with someone new. she drinks socially sometimes. not an addict in any shape or form. but I noticed I began drinking to feel more comfortable around people. I drank alone while doing chores, yardwork, projects...and sometimes I would start off all happy...and then after a few...get down. I knew that maybe I couldn't be a drinker or at least had to cut way down.

so I did. I read a book called This Naked Mind and it shed a lot of light for me on how alcohol really has no real value. none. and using it as social courage...well, that's just not how I want to roll.

so, I stopped drinking...for the most part. I've drank twice in 2 months, yet I don't want to drink at all ever. but I also don't want to put that pressure on myself. does that make sense?

i'm tough on myself. I don't like to altar my state. for those of you who think it's easy to just "stop".. well, even for the occasional social drinker, stopping for good can pose a challenge. in fact, I imagine many social drinkers would have a tough time going 1 year without it. it's become so engrained in our culture.

so, for now, I choose not to drink. I want to be that non-drinker I was for nearly 20 years. now I take Kombucha to gatherings to drink. the ginger one sort of reminds me of beer, and well, I do like the taste of beer.

sometimes I miss it...or the feeling that I felt when i'd have that music on and busy with a project...but I just don't think it was the booze that created that feeling. i can feel that sober. and do.

so, just wanted to share this part of my journey. i still keep myself in check for codependency...and now alcohol. after all, i don't want to replace one addiction for another :)

here's to each of our journeys!! learning valuable life lessons and growing all along the way!
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