Need advice. Codependent/Narcissist Abuse

Does anyone know of a support group of study system for this type of codependency?  I was raised from conception to be narcissist codependent from birth, and I just got away from a narc husband.  Now my brother is trying to get me to buy HIM a house and put his name on it, using all of the emotional manipulations he can think of, and I am physically and mentally ill at this point.  I am in EMDR for Complex PTSD and ordinary behavioral cognitive therapy.  He started in on me in earnest telling ME what I WOULD do for him and I am having thoughts of death, depersonalization/worthlessness, emotional instability, fear and extreme loneliness.  I don't know how to help myself.
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  • @Mollycat hey there. thanks for reaching out. i'm sorry for your struggles.

    i only know of support groups for codependency in general (codependents anonymous). are there any of those in your area? there are some coda meetings online...

    that's great you are EMDR... how many sessions have you had? care to let us know how they are going? improvements? it's a very interesting treatment.

    are you able to cut ties with your brother right now? tell him you cannot and will not speak to him at this time in your life so that YOU can get YOURSELF together? self-care is so important..so feel good about setting a firm boundary with your brother.  you set it...and come hell or high water, keep it. 

    Should you be having suicidal thoughts, please get help... there are those that can help:
    Call 1-800-273-8255

    i know for me and codependency...(i struggled with it seriously for several years...ending up in breakdown)... i had to take it deeper than the psychology level..to the spiritual level... i began learning about this at the spiritual plane and learned a lot that made sense to me...  it went beyond just my childhood... 

    would love to learn more and dialogue here. know that you are not alone. i remember feeling so alone... excruciatingly alone..and petrified. and i couldn't even figure out why so intense....(a lot was going on under the surface)...but as i began recovery...and a spiritual quest...i slowly got better....and i'm still on that path.

    we are here for you...anytime.... we will be of support as we can...but do look into some coda meetings...

    hope to hear back from you!

  • @Mollycat... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us.

    I think Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) would probably be a great group for you to connect with. @Dominca has some experience with them, so I trust her feedback.

    Also, be sure to read Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. It's a fabulous book full of wonderful, enlightening information.

    We're here to offer up help and support anytime you need it. So don't hesitate to reach out and lean on us, okay?
  • I am a recovering codependent as well.  I am also recovering from complex PTSD.  You can take or leave the advice I am about to give, because I went to an extreme to heal my wounds.

    1. Get rid of everyone who is blocking your recovery.  This includes your brother.  As a personal example, I dropped contact with pretty much everyone I ever met in my life, minus my family.  Even then, I cursed out my dad a lot because I suffered narcissist abuse from him during my childhood and through all my 20's.  Now I'm always setting new boundaries with him.  My dad didn't change, but now he learned the hard way not to control me.  I don't feel guilty about yelling at my dad.  To be quite frank, every time I rage on my dad I was caught in an "emotional flashback," but to my dad and the rest of my family, I seem bi-polar to them, because 10 minutes later I'm "normal" again.

     I'm happier now then I was last year, even though I have no friends.  And my emotional flashback frequency has decreased dramatically.

    2. If you cant get rid of your brother, consider using the "gray rock" method on him.  You can lookup on youtube or google what it is.  But since you are early in your recovery, I'd advise to temporarily cut him out of your life.  Putting yourself first is your priority.

    Remember you are only responsible for yourself.  You are responsible for your mental, physical, and emotional health.  Everything and everyone else is not your responsibility.

    I'd say that getting rid of toxic people is the first step to healing.  You need to feel safe first before you can truly heal.
  • @FearlessNomad hello and welcome. thank you for sharing. i second your advice...but i'm not sure what "gray rock" is.... that's something i'll have to look  up!!

    yes, we are only responsible for ourselves. each person on the planet responsible for his or her life..and level of happiness.  i too had to have a season by myself. alone..... i had my sister to talk to and i did..but other than that i needed alone time to  heal. to figure myself out and face my fear of abandonment.  

    it's a journey and it takes time...and effort.

    glad you are with us on the journey... and @FearlessNomad we will be your cyber friends! :)
  • Thanks for your insightful post, @FearlessNomad. Glad you're here with us. :)
  • Thank you @DeanD and @dominica for your kind words.

    It helps a lot to have support during the tough times in our lives.  This is definitely a life-changing journey, and there is that saying, "tough times don't last, tough people do."  I can attest to that; we become tough when we are faced with adversity. We discover our value, our worth, our true selves.

    I greatly appreciate being cyber friends with you as well!  
  • @FearlessNomad  my pleasure! hold your head high...you're doing this!! 

    keep in touch!
  • Happy to be your cyber friend, @FearlessNomad! We're here for you anytime you need us!
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