42 Days VS 6 weeks

Leaker

Congrats on the milestone! You've made it this far, that means you have a lot of experience with beating the monster. It's also ~1,008 hours, or ~60,480 minutes. No matter how you choose to measure it, it is a victory to be proud of.

Just remember that that opioid calm is artificial. It clouds your judgement and prevents you from addressing the actual issues in your life. Not to mention all the other negative effects (or is it affects?) of the drug. Certainly you are better off without it!

DeanD

@Goodtr8s... Congratulations on your 42 days of sobriety, my friend! That's an amazing accomplishment and I'm super proud of you!

I know it hasn't been easy, but believe me: It will be totally worth it as your life becomes better and better because of the absence of opioids. @Leaker is totally right about the opioid calm being artificial. It's also temporary, which is a big part of the problem, right? Learning to deal with life on life's terms is so much safer and real.

We're here for you anytime you need us. We will always listen and help and support you any way we can. 

Much love and light to you. You're doing a great job!

dominica

@Goodtr8s so happy to hear this!! you are doing it!  it's true that the so-called "benefits" we think we get from drugs or an addiction are not really benefits.... we think they are, but those thoughts are false. misguided. 

i think it's great you are on this recovery journey. as humans, we come here to learn all sorts of lessons...and well, you've experienced drugs and now you're experiencing recovery!! many valuable lessons learned.

for me the food thing is the toughest... but i realize that if i listen to some videos on healthy eating regularly, it helps. it's becoming more habitual to eat healthy and so no to unhealthy. also, i found an app called MY FITNESS PAL that i use to track my food intake and calories. helps me to be more accountable to what i'm putting in my body.

i also sit and eat much of the time in silence at the table...giving the food thanks for nourishing my body. this helps me reach for healthier things too. not to say i never eat junk, b/c i choose to sometimes, but try to keep it in balance.

walking is soooooo good!!! keep it up!!  

Goodtr8s

@Leaker and @DeanD, thank you for addressing the opioid calm. It IS a false sense of calm and it IS only temporary. Can you grieve over letting go of toxic things in your life? Sometimes I feel a slight tug of grief. I dream so vividly about drugs. The mental struggle is real, but, I sense a light at the end of the tunnel. It may just be that lighthouse of  Ms. Lommot's! ;-}

Leaker

@goodtr8s, its been 5 years, but I still have dreams about drinking sometimes. It's normal I think. However, my dreams aren't ever pleasant. Usually I am aware of the dream after I have been drinking in the dream for a while, and I am overcome with regret, panic, and disappointment. "What the hell?" "How did this happen?" "What am I doing?" "Damn it! X years gone!" "I have to start over" "I have to explain this to the wife", ect.

I had them at the start of my recovery more often, and since I had a habit of rolling black outs, sometimes it would be noon or later the next day before I realized that it was all a dream. Prior to that I would be depressed and dejected. I had thought I had failed and wondered just how it could have happened. Even today sometimes it takes a little while for me realize it was just a dream.

As with the cravings and everything else, the feelings and dreams will mostly pass. However, there is a part of your addiction that will always be with you. Use it as a reminder of how far you have come, how you beat your addiction, and how much better you are with your freedom.

You can grieve for anything. That doesn't mean it was a good thing. As you bury your monster, you can regret having slain it, or your can rejoice in the victory and the freedom that you won through struggle. Your life will be different as you move beyond the addiction. It is important to recognize that and make changes to account for that. Otherwise you will sit there lamenting the loss of the monster that was killing you, which is pretty silly to me.

Goodtr8s

@dominica, thanks for sharing some of your insights! The more ammunition for me the better, since, I'm not attending meetings or involved in a program. I've pulled out some old recovery stuff I kept. Many of those tools and tips can never be improved upon. 

And, you, @Leaker, thank you, too. Thank you for giving my struggle some recognition. Thank you for sharing your experience. I can tell you are in a better place than I am. Some day I, too, will share some successes like you. 43 days today... 

DeanD

I know it's not the same thing, really, but I quit smoking cigarettes almost 27 years ago...and I still have cravings. The difference is that I now know how to combat those cravings, and when they come they don't last long. Being clean and sober or quitting a bad habit is all about teaching yourself new behaviors. In time, and with practice, it gets easier.

Keep at it, @Goodtr8s. You're doing great!

Leaker

@goodtr8s, that is fantastic! You have exactly the attitude that will take you to 43 months, or 43 years. I might be in a better place now, but I did my time fighting as well, and if I can beat the monster, so can anyone else. Contrary to what my mommy told me, I have lived long enough to know I am not THAT special or unique.

Keep up the attitude, mixed with some hard work, and you are right, you WILL share success, and be the person you want to be.

Goodtr8s

Hello everyone, it's not your imagination, it is ME, Goodtr8s! I've practically been living at the hospital the last few weeks! The senior gentleman whom I live with and care for 24/7, had another stroke. And while it was touch and go, he is stable now and we are home! It was very stressful for his family and me. If such a thing had happened this time last year, I'd have ridden it out with a bottle of Tramadol to keep calm...but, NO! Not this time. No valium. Nothing. I can see now, how I would take such a situation like this as an excuse to need...this time all I needed was some positive self talk, quiet time in the chapel, those around ME be in real need, I also found peace with their having confidence in me to care for a loved one.

While I've been able to read your posts, pray over your words and feel close to you, I wasn't able to reply using my smart phone. 

@DeanD, @dominica, @Leaker, @Tommy, @Ocean, @changeyourself, @TWSJ new friends who are trying a new path like, @StrengthBringsHope and @TheDayisToday, please know your words, trials, failures, advice, things that work and things that DON"T...All come through on these posts for those who read and internalize with an open heart here. My love and prayers for you all...at 6 months clean of opioids, your friend, GoodTr8s!

DeanD

@Goodtr8s... Wow. Six months clean is so freakin' wonderful, my friend! Congratulations! I'm sooooo proud of you!! I'm also glad to hear that the gentleman you live with/care for is stable and home now. I think he's very lucky to have someone like you caring for him. 

The fact that you were able to navigate through this incident without having to resort to mind-altering substances is such a testament to you and how far you've come. Life can be challenging and difficult, for sure; but you can get through the tough times without drugs. You are now living proof of that! 

You are an inspiration, my dear. I'm gonna say it one more time: I'm sooooo proud of you!!

I hope you keep dropping by from time to time. So happy to have you here in this community! 

Big hugs to you. And lots of healing vibes heading to the man you take care of, too.

Tommy

Very well done @Goodtr8s 6 months is quite the success. Good for you, Thanks for the prayers. I will take all I can get. I am so happy for you. I really am.

Leaker

@goodtr8s, it is so nice to see someone do a quick stop by with some great news. That is fantastic. It is also great that you are able to take a look at how you WOULD'VE handled things, and how you DID. What was the experience like facing it sober? I'm sure it was daunting, but in the end much better than if you had relapsed, am I right?  I felt the same way too facing my big life issues newly sober. Did you get a larger rush of satisfaction when the crisis passed, and it
went well (in the end), and you did it as YOU, not some shadow of
yourself? I got those rushes, and it helped reinforce that I was doing the right thing.

Keep up the good fight, keep on the path you are on, and keep the faith!

ocean

SOOOOOO PROUD of YOU!!!!!!!!! What a great accomplishment to get through such a tough period and remain free from opioids!!!!!!!! Congratulations on 6 Months!!!!!!!!!! I am also on 6 months of being sober!!!!! I thank God everyday that I stopped when I did as my life has been very challenging & I know that I would have been drinking bottle after bottle of wine instead I am drinking mineral water with lime!!!!!! We are stronger than we think!!!!! Also made it through 2 Christmas Parties with open bars. I do want to share something which I thought was so awesome....today at work, a co-worker came up to me & said the following " I needed a couple of drinks the other night to get up & dance & there you were drinking water & ripping up the dance floor....that's so cool!" .....this made me feel so good as it proves that I don't need alcohol to have fun nor to be known as being fun!!!!!! Good luck to everyone who faces addiction! I continue to pray for all everyday!!!!!!! And again Happy 6 months!!!!!!! 

DeanD

@ocean... The fact that you were drinking water and ripping up the dance floor IS cool! Congrats to you as well! Nobody needs alcohol to have fun!!

Leaker

@ocean, way to go! Another piece of good news. And, you got some great and positive feedback, helping prove that you don't need alcohol to have a good time.

Congrats on 6 months. As long as you keep doing what you are doing, 6 months will be a year before you know it!

Keep the faith!

dominica

@Goodtr8s ;Hey you! I was beginning to wonder where you are! Thank you so much for the amazing update. I'm glad all is back to normal at your life and I'm so proud of you for your clean time! You're really doing this! you get to feel very good about yourself , and living life on life's terms with its twists and turns sober and free. Big congrats to you for getting through any Temptations and staying on the recovery path.

So glad that you are getting some great things out of this forum. I know that I've come to love this community and would feel a loss without it . Keep on keeping on, and keep on being an inspiration to those around you and to those here in the Forum!

@ocean big congrats to you too for 6 months sober! This just blesses my day for sure!  I love it how you're being an inspiration to others. I used to be petrified of dancing, and now I love to dance. That's just one place that you can let your light shine, and I'm sure you're letting it Shine everywhere else too. Thank you so much for the update!

Sending big love to everyone!

Goodtr8s

I've had a problem being able to post here for a week or so. This is the first "text box" I've had in a while...
Hope everyone is getting excited and preparing for Christmas and the holidays! We had snow here in GA! @Tommy! YOU know how excited it was for that to happen!

I've been seeing a Maker's Mark Bourbon commercial on TV. Maker's Mark was always my "go to" drink during the holidays. I haven't had ANY drink in over 13 years and am seriously leaning toward giving in to my desire. First Christmas in many many years without pills dulling my senses and numbing my mood. Anniversaries of death and memories of the past are sneaking up on me at this time. @TWSJ, I just know you have something encouraging to say to me. @Leaker, I can go back and re-read your posts, too... '

DeanD

@Goodtr8s... I'm sorry you were having trouble posting. If it's any consolation, it wasn't just you. There were issues with the site as the tech people rolled out some new software. But things should be working now.

As far as the Maker's Mark goes... I used to love me some MM, too. I would just urge you to remember that any "positive" feeling you'd get from imbibing in some bourbon would only be temporary. And once that feeling wears off, then what? Will you want more?? It's been over 13 years since you've drank. That, my friend, is an AMAZING accomplishment. Do you really want to throw that all away? You are stronger than those commercials. I know you are.

Your post reminded me of an old NYPD Blue episode. I don't know if you've ever watched that TV show, but there's a detective in the show named Sipowicz who's a recovering alcoholic. At one point he's contemplating having a drink after a long spell of sobriety, but he stops. Someone asks him why he didn't drink and he answered: "Because you can't just subtract a day."

If I were you, @Goodtr8s, I would treasure those 13+ years of sobriety you have under your belt. They are a gift from God. Don't let those death anniversaries and memories of the past overpower you. Find another way to cope. Because alcohol is not the answer. It's just another problem masking itself as a solution.

We're here for you. Always. So please reach out and use us any way you need to. We love you and care about you.

I'm sending you lots of sober vibes. And love, light, and hugs, too. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith.

Leaker

@Goodtr8s, it is good that the board is back up. A lot of us had the same issues, but it appears the tech priests have sufficiently appeased the machine-spirts and the technosorcery that powers this community is back. Just in time too.

I feel the pull of the monster every now and then too. It seems so tempting some times. Surely one drink won't hurt, right? You've grown so much, you can control it this time, right? You can just have some fun, then go right back to sobriety using the tools you have so much faith in, right? But with every one of those impulses, I always follow through the logic chain. I know I'll have one. Then another. Then 10 or 15. Then a black out. And for what? Why? What does it get me? What do I gain from it? The same thing I always gained: Nothing.

In The Easy Way to Stop Drinking, Mr. Carr specifically addresses alcohol and mourning. He states that there will be a time when a good meaning soul will hand you a glass of brandy to "help with the grieving". But the alcohol will never bring a person back, and the emotional enhancing nature of alcohol has the potential to make everything worse, making someone think they need more alcohol. It's a negative feedback loop that always ends poorly. As tough as it is, one has to face those very real and very valid emotions with a clear nugget. It's the only way to really get control of them, rather than them controlling you, I think.

Have a happy holiday, and keep the faith!

dominica

@Goodtr8s hey there! good to hear from you.

sorry you are struggling some.... the roller coaster ride can get rough, but better to ride it sober...

cravings come. i get the urge to cope by drinking when i'm struggling with pain or disgust or fear or whatever... but i don't. i mean, i have before and i ALWAYS regret it and then feel like crap.... so i play the tape through...

holiday time can be tough... don't be afraid to feel the painful feelings... they won't destroy you. we hate to feel 'em though, don't we? the loneliness? disappointment? grief? not pleasant, but i think if we can better understand that we are not our emotions.... maybe we will be more apt to feel them... acknowledge them... and not resort to numbing, running, escaping, etc.

it's alright to grieve... give yourself permission to feel. not like you're going to stay there.... but i think when we can feel free to feel them...be with them... we're more apt to allow them to be processed and integrated.

maybe buddy up with someone over the holidays. community may help!

we are here, so stay in touch!!

you are courageous.... and we love you!

dominica

@Goodtr8s

“When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say.” – Unknown

Goodtr8s

I so relish the feedback I get here, @DeanD, @Leaker, and @Dominica! It's always so spot on, always relevant to my original plea or my vent and to the specific fears at the time of my post...Thank you.
@Leaker always shows a reality using his OWN experiences in a way that I, Debra want/don't want to have to look back on in regret or with pride. I can FEEL his urgency...
@DeanD, is so positive and reflective in his advice or counsel. Hope for the best, but, prepare for the fight. Use everything I've earned and learned over the years to fight the desires, he says in a nutshell! He backs up his words with words of others, even if they are from an old TV show! Like me, he can easily associate with such...gleaning something from seemingly nothing!
You, @Dominica, hit me head on with more heartfelt truths, facts and "how it is, but..." here in recovery. Book learning and personal feelings are always helpful when told together and with confidence. Thank you, @Dominica. When I picture you it's always with your son and daughter. Never just you! That's how I pray for you, as well.

Thanks you 3! I have a safe place to come and read and internalize without judgment. I know if I DO act on these feelings, I fail myself...
I hope new members searching the posts and forums find these in our haystack and gain some understanding of themselves, too!
From the heart...

DeanD

I'm so glad you find some solace and comfort here, @Goodtr8s. And thank you for the kind words. I'm so happy you're a part of this community!

Goodtr8s

Wow! I'm posting from my phone! I've tried in the past... so, either the powers that be have changed things, or I want doing something right!
I'm so busy. To sit down AT the computer isn't always an option!
Merry Christmas everyone! I love this place and you people!

DeanD

@Goodtr8s... The powers-that-be instituted some new software here at the forums, so that could be it. In any case, I'm glad you love this place and the people here!! We love you right back!!

dominica

@Goodtr8s yay! glad it's working from the phone! that does help a lot!!

Merry Christmas season to you!!

dominica

@Goodtr8s you are so sweet! thank you for being YOU and praying for me and my children... you're the best..

sending big hug and love your way today!

TWSJ

@Goodtr8s ,
I hate that I was absent when you were looking for encouragement . I've been struggling a bit myself lately . Not so much with sobriety , but with Serenity . So I have to keep reminding myself of the One Day at a Time . And , as a 12 Step guy , I have to remember that my alcoholism is a symptom of my "Character Defects ". I have to quit dwelling on the frustrations and fears I am experiencing right now . I have to work through them , but not let them send me into resentful thinking .
You know , I'm sure I was upset about something on January 1 of 2016 , but I'll be damned if I can remember what it was . If I can't remember it , it must not have been as tragic as I thought at the time . I bet next Jan 1 , I won't remember what I'm bothered by today . So I need to just say "F---- it , let's make 2018 better than 2017 !"
Here's to a Happy 2018 !

Goodtr8s

Awwww, @TWSJ, please do not apologize for "being absent" at a particular point in time! You are always HERE on the forums for us, or we wouldn't have spoken to you in the first place! Make sense?
Blessed, prosperous and Happy New Year to you as well! Did you have the "proper plate of viddles" today to help insure it?
I hope you ARE feeling better about "stuff" by now. I appreciate your analogy to each January first, pasts. Your words have always given me such perspective and insight to use on ME. Thanks. I DO go back and search in old posts and replies of those whom I can glean from the most...that's exactly what I did when you were "absent". After all, it IS my job to "search", according to the Steps, search inside and OUT!
What can you remind me of or where can you point me to in the Big Book (I still have mine) pertaining to desires VS cravings...I'm craving drink really bad lately.

TWSJ

@Goodtr8s ,
Ribs , blackeyes & rice , and collards . Every Jan 1 in my house . And the tree comes down . We're a bit tradition driven in Coastal GA . The wife and I are both old school SAV .
If you have The Big Book , read the Promises " We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us " . Or How it Works at the beginning of chapter 5 . "Remember , we deal with alcohol ; cunning , baffling , powerful ." And no matter what ails you , Page 417-420 can answer most problems . "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today " Think I'll go read it now !

TWSJ

@Goodtr8s ,
I forgot to mention , and I think you might know where I'm coming from GO DAWGS !

dominica

@TWSJ HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU! yes, 2018 will be a great year for all of us as we continue to walk the road of recovery... learning valuable lessons all along the way!

so grateful you are in my life!!

DeanD

@TWSJ... Happy new year, my friend! I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling of late. But I love your "F---- it , let's make 2018 better than 2017 !" mantra! YES!!! Let's do that!!!!

And as far as your Dawgs go... That was an incredible game and a FABULOUS win for Georgia!! I hope they stick it to Alabama next week!!

TWSJ

@DeanD ,
If I wasn't a GA fan , that still would have been a great game . Both teams gave it everything they had . No shame for Oklahoma . Snowing in Savannah for the first time since 1989 . Fun for the kids . Not so fun for those of us with deadlines .

DeanD

I'm not a Georgia fan either, @TWSJ. I was just pulling for them because they were behind early. Plus, I'm not real enamored with the Oklahoma quarterback. He seems like kind of a ________.

Goodtr8s

Thanks for the heads up on some Big Book reading, @TWSJ! Sometimes I truly need to be "directed" (I'm a good follower...} lol
I was prepared to live in a "house divided" this year as my grandson JUST graduated Clemson University and is part of the Tiger athletic team! Alas, it didn't take long , I knew in my heart, I needn't worry about the "house divided" thing. People here in Duluth LOVE their DAWGS! As do I...I've been married to this DAWG fan for 14 years, now!

Happy NEW YEAR to @DeanD and @dominica on this thread...I can proudly report NO pills OR drink over these holidays...I've been clean since about May now of the pain pills. I craved them BAD at my in-laws on Christmas Day. There were some in the cabinet...
You know what? I used the bathroom in a different part of the house so as not to be tempted. I still do not trust myself at times like that. :- {

dominica

@Goodtr8s so happy to hear you are sober and clean....and through the holidays!! good for you!! so proud of you for staying true to yourself!

you are doing this!!

DeanD

@Goodtr8s... Happy new year right back at ya! And congrats on staying clean over the holidays. I love how you avoided the temptation of those pills by using a different bathroom. That's sober thinking!!