What is a normal Detox for Alcohol?

Leaker

@hank0221, the cliche response is that every recovery is different, and everyone reacts differently to treatment and the recovery. Maybe the person is a lucky one and will go through everything nice and easy. Maybe it will take a little bit for the symptoms to pop up. At any rate, starting out with everything smooth is a great help in the recovery process.

Hank0221

Thanks @Leaker. It's not cliche. And I completely assumed that would be the reponse I'd get, I guess I'm just nervous that it's going too well. He stopped calling home everyday because he wanted to let his family "enjoy themselves". And he almost sounds like he's ok a vacation with all his buddies. We are going to put a call into his counselor, but it just seems peculiar...I guess I just excepted the worst....

Tommy

@Hank0221 thats great for him!!  Enjoy it while you can. Its a "pink cloud" phase. I hate to be blunt. But tell him to buckle up. Reality will be here soon enough. I was the same way in treatment. Just stopping the pain was a huge relief. But alcoholism is a sneaky bastard. Keep your eyes open. And eye on the goal.

dominica

@Hank0221 hey there. i replied to a different thread.... some call that riding the pink cloud, (i think)... and i do hope he can continue on that cloud..he should feel good...he's doing something different..and positive...and maybe that just feels amazing.

Hank0221

@tommy and @dominica thanks again you guys. i hope i can find some info on this "pink cloud" phase. i'm literally researching everything i can.

 @tommy, what is it that we should keep our eyes open for??? Do you think that they are explaining this to my dad in treatment? So that he's maybe aware of this as well???? i know they have to be coaching him in treatment how to deal in the real world, but this is something i'm so afraid of, that when he comes home from his "vacation" mode, that real life is going to hit him in the face. He'll have to go back to work, and lets be honest, everyday life things happen that can become triggers for him. i really hope they are preparing him for these things.....this is such a roller coaster ride...i can't even believe it.

Tommy

@Hank0221 Hi there. I sure hope all is well. Yes. They are teaching him what they can. But its like school. It takes awhile to learn. Only so much can be learned in just a few days or weeks. The main thing I learned was dont drink. Go to meetings. I say keep eyes open. Because alcoholism is tricky. Cunning. Baffling. To me it is a snake in the grass. Or the devil trying to get into a house. We lock the front door. Chain it shut. And he will sneak around to back. Or crawl through a window. Alcoholism does not give up easy. I pray for your mom. I know she is resentful. And hurt. But it is not her fault. She caused nothing. Tell her to keep her chin up!! And TRY to seperate the alcoholism from your dad. It is an beast on its on. I wish there were majic words. Or a quick fix. But there is not. If you and your family,mostly dad, will concentrate soley on staying sober. It will all smooth out. This much i am sure of. Team up together. Love your dad till he learns to love himself. Meetings are a great idea. Al anon can be a real life saver. The people there have been in your shoes. They can understand, when no one else can. 

dominica

true. it's not your mom's fault...and she has every right to be angry...at the end of every negative emotion is pain...she's hurt... love her right there in that pain...i think she'll pull through alright!

@Tommy just as tommy said, love them right where they are at... show compassion and patience. in the grand scheme of things, and their life journey lessons, this is happening just as it should. so much opportunity to learn amazing lessons here for all. 

Hank0221

@tommy and @dominica

thank you guys so much for this. i wish i could convince her myself, but i am taking her to a therapy session that deals with co-dependecy and we are attending an al-anon meeting this week too. she said "I'm not sharing and i don't want to make friends" but hopefully if she starts going regularly and gets a little more comfortable, she'll be able to at least share that way someone else can tell her she's not the only one whose dealing with the same situation. she just needs to hear that her feelings are valid and that she's not crazy from someone other then my sister and I....she's from that generation where they refuse to talk to therapists because she doesn't need help. Lord, i think everyone could use someone to talk to....i don't think i realized how helpful just talking to people on this forum is to me.

dominica

@Hank0221 ;I had to laugh at your mother saying she did not want to talk to anyone or make new friends. I laughed because that is exactly what I used to think when I first started going to meetings. In fact I was angry that I was there and did not trust anyone. And I thought they were all full of crap being all so happy. However, the more I went and just listened the more I saw that they were not full of crap and that we had a lot in common. And some of them were the most loving and compassionate people I've ever met. Because they've been through a whole lot of pain and had learned many valuable lessons and we're willing to share freely with others.

Give your mom some time and I think that perhaps you will enjoy going to those meetings for support. And maybe making a friend . usually people are very good at making people feel welcome and love unconditionally. And it is true that she needs people other than her family in her corner supporting and encouraging her. I'm really glad that you are so conscious of so many things about this. Kudos to you for that.

DeanD

@Hank0021... I'm sorry I'm so late to this thread. But you've gotten some great advice and insight from others here. Be there to support your father, but remember what Al-Anon teaches us about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It's important for you and your family--especially your mother--to keep that in mind.

I highly recommend Al-Anon or SMART Recovery Family & Friends meetings. When a family member struggles with addiction, everyone in the family needs to work on their own recovery.

I'm sending you, your dad, and your entire family positive, healing vibes, and lots of hope. Please reach out to us anytime you need someone to lean on. That's what we're here for.

Hank0221

@dominica seriously? thats exactly what she said "I don't trust anyone". she hasn't for as long as i've been alive. I'm glad to hear this, it gives me hope for her! she is the type that can fight everyone else's battles but her own. when it comes to herself she just shuts down. she just needs a little pushing. i have faith in her. but she needs to talk to people. get it all off her chest. I'm actually going to try to convince her to join this forum. hopefully she doesn't read this thread and realize its about her! HA! 

@DeanD your not late at all! thanks for the suggestion! I am going to look and see if there are any SMART recovery meetings in my area right now!!! thanks for the positive vibes and hope! I'm so grateful to have found this forum. its relieving to say the least

DeanD

@Hank0221... SMART meetings are not as prevalent as Al-Anon meetings. But they have online meetings if you can't find an actual meeting in your area. You can find all that info on their website: http://www.smartrecovery.org

Hank0221

thank you @DeanD i'll be sure to look them up! whats the difference between smart recovery meetings and al-anon? any suggestions for first timers at the meetings?

DeanD

Al-Anon is a companion to AA, which means it's a 12-step program. SMART Recovery is an alternative to 12-step meetings, and their Family & Friends program is the companion to that program.

As far as suggestions for first-timers... Go and take everything in. Don't feel obligated to share, even if asked to. It's okay to just observe until you feel comfortable enough to participate. 

Hank0221

hm...interesting. thank you so much for the info. your awesome! 

dominica

@Hank0221 she is the classic "co-dependent". Back in the 70's when AA was started, there were counselors helping the alcoholics. They were making progress with them.....(after they stopped drinking)

but then they noticed something going on with the spouses (and family members too)...

they were struggling.... the alcoholic sobered up and was getting better, but the loved one was going crazy...(so-to-speak). they didn't know what to do....with their loved one now NOT needing them...attending to them...enabling them...etc., they were at a loss. and, they were angry, resentful...confused...they lost sight of who they were outside of taking care of their addicted loved one.

they were dependent on their alcoholic partner...thus, the term "co-dependent". they learned that they needed therapy too....they needed to work through their own stuff and find themselves once again.

very interesting, i think

p.s. i'm always available to converse with your mom if she would want. 

DeanD

@Hank0221... Thinking of you, your dad, and your family today. And sending positive energy and lots of hope in your direction.

Hank0221

@dominica  i actually read this article you posted i don't even know when, it was called 16 signs you may be a co-dependant. Very interesting read! I think my mom and I fit those descriptions! Maybe not all of them, but quite a few!! Im going to have her read it...She has joined this forum and I know once she gets to writing her story or asking for help that you guys will all lead her in the right direction. I think this is an amazing oppurtunity for her to get some things off her chest, be able to SHARE, while not feeling judged, and perhaps maybe find closeness and be able to hear things that aren't being said by family. (VERY IMPORTANT). Im sure you'll find your way to her as soon as she's ready to share. thank you!

@DeanD thanks much. a lot of anxiety today for myself, but, one day at a time thank you for your kindness and your kind words!