Lost and not sure what to do

dominica

@EmoDrained1002  Hello and welcome . I bet you are emotionally drained , as living with an addict can certainly be challenging in so many ways. I'm sorry for all of your struggles. It does sound like your husband is not quite ready to want to stop using. Or to reach out for help. This leaves you in an uncomfortable position.

Have you ever thought of joining a support group? Perhaps Al-Anon or nar-anon? There you will find loved ones of addicts or alcoholics and can lean on them for support and advice. It's just nice to know that you're not alone. They will also help you with things like setting boundaries and perhaps preparing yourself for leaving your husband if things don't change. It's a tough call and it's nice to be around those who have been there or are there right now. Something to think about.

You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. This is totally your husband's deal but it does certainly affect you. This is where your self-worth and self-love is going to come into play. You do deserve a healthy relationship with a person who is at least trying to recover. It's not fair to you to have to contend with someone who's not trying. I know you love him very much and I'm sure he does love you. Addiction is a disease that steal so much from people.

Read Around The Forum . There's a great group of people here who welcome you with open arms.

DeanD

@EmoDrained1002... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry you're struggling because of your husband's addiction. When someone we love is consumed by this beast, it's so easy for us to be consumed, too. 

The most important thing for you to do is to take good care of yourself. Because YOUR life matters, too. Try not to allow yourself to be addicted to your husband's addiction. When that happens, everyone suffers immensely.

Dominica is right: Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach that you didn't caused your loved one's addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. The addict is the only person who can start taking the steps necessary to change. It doesn't matter how much you want your husband to change; if he's not on board, nothing's going to change.

I think Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings would be great for you. Being in the company of people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling can be extremely helpful and comforting. At least think about giving it a try.

We're here for you, my dear. Whether you need help, support, advice, or just some people to listen, you can come here anytime you feel like doing so. You are safe here and you are certainly not alone.

I'm sending you lots of positive energy and will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Remember: You are important, too.