Anyone struggling? Please share....

Anyone need support today? Would love to hear from you...
  • 13 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • Tonight is hard for me & I don’t want to succumb to my cravings... you would think after 12 years the pain from losing him would be less and the death anniversary wouldn’t still affect me like this... I guess maybe because it was so traumatic, the fact no one knew he had this condition, being there while his spirit left him yet his body lived another week, knowing he was never going to wake up & still being strong for his family, being apart of the decision to take him off life support but having no idea that a healthy man would not just die immediately like in the movies but take 4 more days to pass... sorry for the ridiculously long run-on sentence. Tonight I struggled to stay clean, and I know I need to feel this to actually heal... but damn I miss him & I wish it would not hurt so much over the next 2 weeks. He told everyone he was going to marry me... in the afternoon I met with my therapist & I was actually feeling pretty good...

    Sometimes I wonder if the hurt has a lot to do with the what ifs and what could have beens that I will never know.
  • @blueorchid i'm sorry you had a rough night, but kudos for not using.... i am sure you do miss him, and maybe the hurt does have to do with your grieving of what might have been.... and maybe there will always be that twinge of pain ... esp around the anniversary... but you're right in that feeling it helps with healing it...

    i mean, we've numbed the pain enough to know that THAT isn't the solution, right??

    glad you are able to share your pain here...writing about it can help. and we do care about you.. you're a wonderful voice here in the forum and appreciate you so much.

    sending you a big hug, much love, and hope for a better day today.
  • I'm sending you hugs, too, @blueorchid. And lots of love, light, hope, and positive juju. Always remember that we're here for you, and that we care.
  • Thanks both of u @dominica & @DeanD
    Last night was also a bit tough but I pushed through it and am still doing good. Nighttime seems to be the toughest. One day at a time.
  • One day at a time is right, @blueorchid. Sometimes one hour or minute at a time, right? I'm glad you pushed through it and are still doing good. Remember that we're always here to help, support, and listen. <3
  • @blueorchid you're making it through the rough stuff... happy about that.

    that's the thing, life will always through some tough stuff our way.... so knowing how we're going to handle it beforehand helps (clean and sober)
  • Thanks again, both of you!!! Appreciate the kind words of support & encouragement especially yesterday (the first day of the hardest ones). Still clean & visiting family, then I will be kept busy with work, visits with friends, dating, Father’s Day...
    I am so thankful to have you! I think the biggest, most meaningful gesture that kept me coming back & made me feel the most welcome was you reaching out to me @dominica through the Private message in the beginning. Then having everyone else who had supported me through my toughest (& less tough) days & nights. :heart:
  • @blueorchid... You're doing a great job. I just want you to know that. And I'm glad you're finding this forum helpful. Believe me, we appreciate you, too!

    P.S. That @dominica sure is a special woman, isn't she?? :)
  • She sure is, as are you a special man @DeanD love seeing your IG posts too btw :wink:
  • @blueorchid aw, so happy to be able to share with you and those who need some encouragement.... it's my pleasure and the people in this forum make my life better too! feels good to be a part of a community and to be accepted for who we are no matter where we are on this journey :)

    you are busy, busy, but doing great!! so so proud of you!

    @DeanD (blushing).... thank you and you're pretty special too my friend! <3
  • Thank you, @dominica and @blueorchid. I appreciate your kind words.
  • I'm currently struggling to maintain any motivation with any of my addictions. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
  • Keep going, @omalleytac. I know it's hard, but I guarantee it will be worth it.
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