Ann, thank you for the TEA suggestions. My "addictive head space" tells me there is no simple TEA that could satisfy or calm or energize my attitude in life. BUT, I've been reading and praying about it. I'd like to find an herbal tea like that. Do you buy them at the grocery store? Can I order them online? (I hate shopping and being in public!) LOL! :- }
I hope YOU have a productive and good weekend! Thank you for coming here and sharing with me. You ARE in my prayers and on our prayer list at church! :- )

Debra

Hi Debra, I hope you enjoyed your weekend. I am sure you can buy herbal teas online. I buy them at the grocery store, so they are probably available in some of your grocery stores. The two brands that I know about are"Stash" and "Celestial Seasonings". I am sure they each have a website that would sell their many teas. I am hoping you are doing well Debra. I believe the addictive space in your brain will get smaller as time goes by. It's hard having a great attitude all the time, especially when taking steps to recovery. My prayers are with you.
Ann

Ann, just wanted to say hi! You mentioned some of your favorite teas...I've never been one to buy or try any. I've been meaning to and just forget, I guess. LOL! I'd need one to help with patience, something calming. Any suggestions? I do enjoy hot tea whenever I'm at the Chinese Restaurant. Does that count? (I don't like licorice candy).
How did your day go? Get any housework done? Pick any dandelions?? Just kidding, there!
Hope you have good sleep! Prayers!

Debra

Hello, Ann! I'm really glad you reached out here on my wall! I do know how hard it is. We ARE all different, but, depression has it's own symptoms that we who suffer, can relate to, no matter our personal environment and situation! I've been clean of Tramadol/pain pills for 4 months, and I get so depressed not having that "opiod calm" I became so used to feeling and functioning on. :- (
KUDOS to you for bagging up "junk" and sweeping a bit! I think you have a good attitude, that one thing just may lead to another and you'll feel better. I learned the phrase, "Fake it till you make it", once and that's what I see you possibly doing!!
I, too, let mail build up, dishes pile up, grocery store runs get put off, etc!
Do you feel isolating yourself with closed blinds and curtains helps you to cope? Do you eventually open them up during the day or evening? How close is your nearest neighbor? Personally, I am opening every blind and door and curtain I can when my feet hit the floor in the mornings...this house has so much dark paneling, I'd trip over one of my cats it is soooo dark!! LOL!
I pray you have a good evening and night. Come here ANY time to vent or give an update or ask questions.

Debra

Hi there, Ann. It's almost my bedtime, but, wanted to tell you I hope your week end is a good one. Do you work? I care for a senior with diabetes and he's had a stroke. He can't live alone, but, does take care of himself pretty good. Anyway, it's a 24/7 position. I can't tell weekends from week days, except for church on Sundays! LOL!
Touch base here or on the forums, okay? Please know you are not alone in your struggles!

Debra

Hey there! I can honestly say the mental lasted a bit longer. Physical...well, by the end of the first week the leg cramps had subsided. My stomach was some better by then. I was sleeping better after about 6-7 days. My night times were really rough. How are your nights?

Mentally, I still have moments of frustrations where I WISH terribly I had some Tramadol. I've been walking each day. Even THAT was a very difficult thing for me to do.

Are you still thinking to use Kratum to help? I've heard some really good things about it...as well some strong cautions about it. For me, I was just ready to be shed of it all! LOL!

I’m trying to not use the kratom because it does act as A substitute for me and I don’t want any of my withdrawal symptoms to be drawn out of by the kratom, The whole night I’ve been waking up every hour and my heart is pounding out of my chest my back and only one leg has cramps very strange, I’m really hoping that this starts getting better soon so I don’t know how much more I can take.

Well, I'm glad you're coming here as a way to vent and share. It sounds like you are ready to get this poison out of your body and out of your life.
Another thing that helped me to cope was that I simply did not have access to Tramadol at the time. I was not in a position to obtain it and mentally this helped me to grasp the idea that of "NO MORE!" I had a few muscle relaxers that might have helped. (I convinced myself they did, anyway, LOL) Good for you for trying not to use the Kratom. For me, the good feeling did not last long enough anyway. Like I said, it was more trouble than it was worth.
Try to move around as much as possible this morning. Do a few leg exercises and arm exercises to help blood flow. Try to picture the pure, clean, Tramadol free blood flowing to your brain! Do you have children? Are you busy enough? Please get back with me. I do care and hope you get past these terrible symptoms. A couple more days...

I am on my way to work now I work at a vet so we have lots of tramadol but it’s monitored and I definitely do not want to lose my job but I’m just so scared I don’t have children but I have a boyfriend that loves me very much and I hope to have children and if I continue like this I won’t have children and I won’t have him either I was sober for almost 5 years and my dog got some tramadol and I thought it would be a good idea to take one and it was all over after that no turning back until now I want to stop by want to feel normal again!

I was glad to read that you were heading for work. ANYTHING to keep your mind off what's going on in your body, minute by minute. These WILL turn into day by day; week by week; etc! I promise! I understand exactly how you got in to the Tramadol. I pray you are able to resist getting any from work. It must be a great temptation. Do you enjoy working with animals?
It sounds like you are wanting a future and that just may be your biggest motivator! Does your boyfriend know you are going through something? Does he know you even have a problem with the pills? My husband knew, but, did nothing to help me. If anything, he enabled me to use.
Anyway, I'll watch for you to check back in. Let me know how your body is doing, leg cramps and stuff. Thanks for sharing...

I’m currently at work trying to get through I have not been tempted to take anything. But I did take some sudafed... I’m hoping that’s not going to screw anything up. My cramps started moving up my legs to my thighs I’m hoping that is a good thing. No longer in my calf anymore. Thank you for talking with me it is doing wonders you are a blessing. I do love animals I currently have three of my own. And yes he knows what going on to some extent. He is not happy about it and told me I did it to myself so now I have to deal with the consequences... please send me more!

I hate to hear that you "did it to yourself" is the best response from your boyfriend...I hope he realizes you are suffering while trying to fix what you broke. You didn't do it on purpose. I like your attitude, though. You're paying attention to your body and that is so important at this stage. I'm so sorry you are still having cramps. I hope you get some rest tonight.
Taking some sudefed, or something to help ease the symptoms only seems fair to me. I still take acetaminophen PMs at night, often 3 or 4 nights a week! It's better than risking dependency on Tramadol again. I truly enjoy the comfort feeling they give...so I'd better not even start! LOL!
You're are very welcome! I think you are doing great! Good for you for not risking your job, or putting yourself in a position to be judged. That really sucks and can give you more guilt!
I hope your animals give you some good hugs to help you get through the hard moments! I have 4 cats and look to them for cozy support!! ( had to put my lab to sleep last year)
Hang in there Chelsea!

Debra

Quick update before bed feeling better right leg hurting a little bit. Went to a AA meeting and I feel a ton better.

WOW! Meetings can help tremendously! Thanks for the update, too! I hope you got some rest and that this day shows even more improvement with cramps and such!
I'm getting ready for church. (I started back to church last September) It helps for me to give Jesus credit for my courage and to thank Him for His forgiveness...
In my prayers, Chelsea, (if that's your name, lol)

Debra

I hope you've had a peaceful Sunday and that you get some good rest tonight. Try not to beat yourself up and take things one day at a time.

Debra

Somewhat peaceful, have been around people in recovery all day long which I need and a extra plus it was very sunny and hot where I live so I got a tone of sunshine at the lake. Just pushing through. I do feel a ton better! I hope I never have to go through that again. Hit some more meetings today to which those are a huge help it is nerve racking walking into those meetings and talk about a relapse I had for years clean and sober before this little hiccup. Fortunately I’m looking at it as a blessing in a way. I love the way I feeel when I’m 100% I can’t wait to be back there almost there! Woo Hoo
-Chelsea

You ARE sounding so much better! And who couldn't feel better with sunshine on the lake! It's been very warm and sticky here in the south! I come from Colorado and I miss the dry heat!
Good for you for hanging around the right people. You seem to know what's good for you. Walking into meeting CAN be tough, but, sitting through one gets easier. I haven't been to one in a long time...I need to go!
Yes, this was a hiccup. No more, no less. I like the way you think! Hang in there...You're almost 100% for sure!

Debra

PS: I keep forgetting to ask...did you continue with kratum, or not?
Just curious, that's all.

I discontinued the kratom I don’t want to be addicted to anything else, it’s day 7 and my cramps are back in one leg, you would think that the cramps would go away soon, I can’t stand it! How long did your last for?

You poor thing! My cramps didn't last more than 8-10 days. My mental symptoms lasted longer than ANY physical! I wanted Tramadol (or ANY pain pill) so, so badly! I just kept "mind-fuc****" myself! Do you have anything to take? Do you like pickles? I know that's weird, but, pickle juice will relieve these kinds of cramps.
Any day now, Chelsea, ANY day now you'll notice them gone! I just know it!

Debra

I’m hoping that, this will end soon it’s caused quite a rift between my significant other as well. Which is making it even harder. I don’t have any pickle juice I have bananas I heard those work...? My significant other says I have month to see if things get better. He said that he’s been unhappy for the last 2 months due to my attitude and arguments the tramadol really made me a much angerier person. Always wanting to fight and argue about irrelavent things. That’s not me I’m not that person. I’m a very sweet girl with a addictive head space. Maybe I don’t have very much time left with the cramps I hope so! I appreciate you very much Debra! How long were you taking the tramadol for before you got off of it?
-Chelsea

"An addictive head space", lol, I like that! That's me, for sure.
I hope you had a good night and that this day is going alright. I'm sorry you're having trouble with your boyfriend, too. I hope things get back to normal for you guys. It's good news when couples can pull through the harms and hurts of addiction and move forward. Damn this addictive behavior! I was just the opposite. I was easier to get along with. I would overlook things that I should have been calling down with my husband. Everybody liked when I was "happy" and wouldn't let stuff bother me. However, now that I'm clean, I'm getting a divorce! He more or less enabled me to be the addict. He was not good for me. I'm truly happy now, though!
I was on Tramadol for more than 10 years! I could order it online so easily and it was inexpensive. I was dependent and addicted to it. I functioned.

Debra

Chelsea, Dominica (on our forums) has good advice and some ideas about relationships and the stages they are made up of...
Maybe you can message her wall or on the boards for some positive input. I'm no good at them! LOL!!

Yeah he seems to be coming around slowly but surely. It’s put quite a rift between us my back has been hurting me a lot. Tossing and turning at night. It’s hard to get into a new routine even tho I was only on the medication for 9 months I got very used to having a certain routine. Now it is trying to find a balance between healthy friends, meetings and boyfriend. It seems as if I got to one extreme to another. Addictive behavior right there huh... lol I’ve been reading my daily reflections every day. That’s been helping in the mornings. These past ten days a few days I’ve wished I didn’t live with my significant other just because it would be so much easier to get up and around, roll around in bed. But I am happy to have him for sure.

Oh, yes! I forgot about all the thrashing and rolling in the bed during withdrawals. Fortunately, my husband and I had already begun sleeping in separate beds, lol!
10 years or 10 months, the using and routines and dependency are the same. You are absolutely on the right path to understanding and having the desire to be free of all that. I'm REALLY proud of you, Chelsea.Try not to beat yourself up. Allow yourself to be proud of kicking ass and taking names in the Tramadol addiction circles!
I hope your back lets you sleep tonight. Backaches are no fun.

Debra

Wow I can’t believe you were on that for ten years and came off it on your own that’s crazy! Very impressed by you! You are a inspiration not having a very good day today!

One thing I learned in rehab, (the one and only time I've been, 25 yrs ago) but, has stayed with me was, to use mental images for certain things. For ex., I PICTURED me with the eating disorder for which I went. Then PICTURED me without the disorder. In my minds eye, there was a hole left where I had taken away the disorder. IF I DID NOT FILL IN THAT HOLE WITH SOMETHING POSITIVE...the disorder or pills, or drink etc, would fill that hole back up. It's part of the addictive personality! Can you make sense of that?
That strategy is what I pull out of my "toolbox" this time, to help with the Tramadol.

Hoping you had a better day. Loving up on your fur-babies and your significant other! How's you back and muscles?

Debra

I’m feeling very depressed hard to get out of bed, but have to because I cant sleep any longer, tried meditation not working. I’m feeling very worn down emotionally and physically. At this point I’m taking it not day by day, by minute by minute....

Awww, Sweetie! I am so very sorry you have hit this kind of bottom! Is there a CHANCE you could get some professional help to get over these horrible humps? Be honest, are you feeling like it's not worth it and just want some relief from Tramadol or whatever? You're only human, Chelsea.
I suppose your significant other isn't very helpful at this point...??
Take care of Chelsea, you deserve it! You deserve to feel better whatever it takes.
Let me know how things progress, come back as much or as little as you need...I'm trying to be here.

Debra

Good morning, Chelsea... I'm up early!
My FIRST thought was you. Hope your day goes better!
In my prayers this early in the morn.

Debra

Thank you for the support. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Are you still around these boards, Adler2073? Hope you're doing well...